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CT Scan next week....and I am terrified!

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Posted 6/9/2009 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hello all,

On my never ending quest for answers about what is going on with me, I'm about to find some of the answers next week. (my concern has been cancer of some sort, but mainly thinking about PC)

Well, answers is what I want but as the time draws closer, I am crapping my pants about what I'm going to hear.

I've got so many symptoms that point to cancer. I've had the mid left sided back
pain, some stomach discomfort, temporal wasting, sunken cheeks, weight loss, you get the hint I guess.  I am trying to stay positive, but it just gets so hard some days. I am not taking any meds for the anxiety as I'm trying to battle this out on my own

My Health Anxiety is going through the roof right now, higher than it's ever been. I'm trying to stay distracted from thinking about it, but I can't help thinking the absolute worst case scenario everytime. I look at my wonderful life with a once in a lifetime wife, 3 great young sons and I just feel like crying...and I have been doing a lot of that...just not in front of anybody. 


Anyone have any helpful hints to help me get through the next week or so?

Posted 6/9/2009 6:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Zlsj,

I'm sorry I have not great words of wisdom for you. I can't personally say I know how you feel either. We waited a week for my mom's test results to come back on whether she had cancer or not. This was last month. She came out totally in the clear.

All I can say is share this with your wife. Don't leave her out of what your going through. I'm sure she is just as worried about you as you are. And you need her support more then anything. It would probably be a big releaf to share some of your fears,worries and tears with her.
My husband and I have a one in a life time relationship. We both cry at movies over books and fears. And I love the fact he is that loving and trusting of me. Your wife is going to be your biggest supporter.
Believe me I don't think any less of my man because he sheds some tears. I think even more of him as a loving,caring person who is willing to show how he really feels. He resently lost his grandpa. A very important father figure to him. He did shed a lot of tears that last night he seen him. My dad lost his father last year. Never did shed a tear. He is just now more crabby then he was prior to that.

Kitt gives some nice advice to live in the moment. Take each minute,hour one at a time. I agree with her. Worrying what could be coming in the next weeks is wasted time.

Again sorry I have no wonderful words of wisdom. I wish you well and negative results.

Big (((((HUGS))))

Cary-Ann
Posted 6/9/2009 9:53 PM (GMT 0)
I had to have a ct scan and an IVP? I think it was called, where they look inside your bladder and I was really nervous too. Facing the thought of Cancer is frightening. What helped me get through it was knowing that I would find out one way or another. I went through a period of time where I was obsessing about it and I could hardly get through the day. I had to make up my mind that if it was the worst case scenerio I would deal with it and find out all my options. It turned out to be nothing for me and I was having a few symptoms too. Blood in my urine but no infection, pain, etc. I hope for you it won't be serious either. I'm saying a prayer for you right now! I agree with Cary-Ann to let your wife help you through it, whatever the outcome.
Posted 6/9/2009 10:18 PM (GMT 0)
ZLSJ

I am so sorry to hear your anxiety is going through the roof..............do you have anything to use, medication, for your anxiety?  If you do, this may be a time when you should take it.  Try to get the Health Anxiety back under control.

I have gone through biopsies and they have always been negative until last summer when I had 5 skin biopsies done and to my utter surprise 4 were cancer.................

If your worse nightmare comes true you will deal with it but for now stay in the moment.  When we are fully in the present moment our minds are focused on what we are doing and not frantically jumping from the past to the future.

It's really important for myself to be able to stay in the moment. I have found that by avoiding things like dwelling on past or worrying about the future I am usually able to get done what needs to get done when it needs to get done. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow does not yet belong to us...................so stay in the present and know we are all here for you.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 6/9/2009 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks to all for the kind and positive words you've passed on.

I'm trying my best to stay in the moment, some days I do well and other days....well I just suck at it.

Kitt,

I read so many of your posts and I think we could all make our lives a bit easier if we followed even a fraction of some of the things that you put out there. I'm an infrequent poster to this  board but I know I speak for all when I say that your words are truly appreciated.

Thanks again!

ZLSJ

By the way, my handle is the first letter of each of our boys first names...one who is watching over us from above.  

Posted 6/9/2009 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
ZLSJ

I have a son who is watching over me from above too.  He was just 21 when he died in a car crash.  He is my own special angel.

Hugs

Kitt

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