Crying

Ok so I'm starting to realise more and more how much anxiety is ruling my life...how much I actually worry about everything. I have a lot of stress going on in my life at the moment and you know how some days you just want to cry...well one of the things that bugs me most of all is that when I feel like this for some reason I just can't cry. Crying to me is a massive deal and I get so anxious about crying in front of someone else even if I want to. Does that make sense? Its like some occasions I know I just need to let it all out and cry with someone there but I physically can't. And when this happens I get anxious and uncomfortable and sometimes get shaky. For example last night I was chatting to a friend about stuff and I so wanted and needed to cry but just couldn't...then as soon as I left her house and was by myself I cried loads and was so angry with myself for not being able to cry while I was talking.

This is normally just the case when talking about problems, if its something that spontaneously upsets me...hurting myself, or a nasty customer at work etc then its not usually an issue.

The thing is all these emotions are building up inside me and I don't know how to cry and I REALLY want to be able to...if that makes sense?!

I was abused growing up, and whenever I used to cry after being hit or whatever then I used to be made fun of. I guess I grew up to think it was easier to keep it all inside, rather than show my true feelings and be made a mockery of.

I'm sorry for what you went through as a child and I know that I can't really say that I know how you feel, but I do know how it feels to have to hold your tears in until you are alone. I have done this a lot while dealing with this anxiety issue. I hate to be out somewhere and get hit with a panic attack and then I start to go crazy because I need to escape because I don't want anyone to see what's going on and think that I'm crazy( because they just don't understand). One thing I have learned from this anxiety is that holding it in does not make it better. Most of the time for me when I feel that anxiety monster creeping up on me and I start to get upset I will talk to my fiancee, or call one of my friends who understand, and just let it all out. I always feel better after doing this, maybe this will work for you also. Do you see anyone for your anxiety? I'm sure a therapist would work for your anxiety and the issues you have dealt with in the past, they may be linked to one another. Either way I know you can beat this.

Nelle