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Posted 6/22/2009 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
I fear that my illnesses will prevent me from finding a suitable, spunky husband. The prospect of being alone when all my friends are getting married and having babies is really hitting me hard. I have such a low opinion of myself physically, due to illness related weight gain.

Someone asked me the other day what it was like to have my first panic attack at 10yrs old and without thinking the words flew out: I said "A part of me died that day."

Dead! Numb! Forced to grow up fast. All my relationships have been abusive in one way or another, started making me feel i didnt deserve any better, but i know i do.

Im trying so hard to be happy for my friends, and i am- good for them! But maybe i want a hubby, a mortgage, a white picket fence, a baby on my hip etc too. I feel i have been robbed of alot. I know that some of you will think 29 yrs old is a spring chicken. But when youve been sick most your life, i feel OLD.

I want someone to share my journey with, and i truly cant see that happening. Sickness has already robbed me of so much, id hate to see myself turn into a spinster with 32 cats who collects old newspapers from the '70's and chews tobaccy while knitting in my rocking chair and talking to imaginary friends...... oh my rolleyes

Maz XX

Posted 6/22/2009 11:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hey, Maz! Try not to fret too much about not being engaged or married yet. When we're not looking is when we find that special someone. And you may already have. My hubby and I were best friends for years before falling in love. So, you never know!

I hope someday your illnesses will give you a break and you won't feel so beaten up. There's a partner for everyone and you will find yours. Take each day as it comes and be good to yourself!
Posted 6/23/2009 12:22 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Maz,

You are not alone my friend! I have relatives asking me "Why aren't you married yet?" "If you wait too long you won't ever be able to have kids."   They are so cruel!!  mad And the person who said that was my cousin's husband. Can you believe that?! shocked My cousin and her husband met when they were 16 and got married at 20!! So they have been together forever. Some people think that without marriage, our life is not complete. It's so not true. It may bring some security but it certainly is not the ultimate goal in life. I also believe that there is more than one soulmate for a person in a lifetime. :-)

Maz, I have seen your pic and you are a very beautiful girl, you've modeled before haven't you? I think I remember a while ago that you said you modeled. I think when you have to deal with different illnesses, it's hard to focus on the positive side of things...When you do meet that special someone, it will be very natural, like Aries said. But you may have to force yourself a little to go out and meet new people instead of hanging out with the same friends. You will need to venture out of your comfort zone in order to broaden your chances of meeting the man (men..LOL) of your dreams. (((((((((Maz))))))))))

Love and hugs,

Melodee :)

Posted 6/23/2009 12:26 AM (GMT 0)
I agree with Melodee about not needing to be married. I didn't get married until I was 31. I enjoy being alone, although that has only happened a few years throughout my life. There's nothing wrong with being alone. Also, you can always adopt. There are plenty of children out there who need a home and someone to love them. Hang in there!
Posted 6/23/2009 4:29 AM (GMT 0)

Melodee & Aries,

Thankyou soooo much! :-) :-)

You have no idea how reassuring your words were to me. Yes Melodee I did do some modelling when I was younger, but now- my issue is my weight. Im a pretty big girl these days and nothing I do seems to change that and its made me even more insecure. Even when I did model I was very insecure. I thought they only wanted me for my height (im 6ft).

I do need to broaden my horizons and look further afield, but Im so exhausted all the time... every where I go, I go with my friends who are mostly couples, some with children and I envy their security. I know I dont need a man to validate me- but Id like someone to share my life with. Guys stopped asking me out when I started gaining weight. Sadly thats how society seems to operate.

Thankyou again for your wonderful, kind & sincere words- they mean alot right now.

Maz XX

Posted 6/23/2009 4:50 AM (GMT 0)
Maz, I hope you're feeling better about the whole relationship thing. Your weight gain is from the meds, as you stated, and there's nothing you can do about that. Keep yourself healthy since that's all that matters. Someone will come along that cares about you and not about your weight. Concentrate on getting better and stay in the moment!
Posted 6/23/2009 1:10 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Maz,

Whoa there girlfriend.  You are a lovely, talented, bright and witty  young woman who is dealing with many chronic illnesses.  You are very deserving of love and a relationship and just let it happen as it will one day. 

As Aries so aptly put it, "When we're not looking is when we find that special someone."

I understand so well the battle of the weight issues and the medications.  I have always had anxiety over my weight ever since I was in grade school.  I hate looking back at pictures of myself.  I know this is my own demon but I have a hard time accepting that I cannot get this extra weight off and I have a poor self image which I struggle with more and more the older I get.

I have seen those pictures too and you know I think you have a beautiful smile and you are very attractive just the way you are.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

 

Posted 6/23/2009 1:31 PM (GMT 0)

Maz,

I have been sick longer than you have even been alive.  I will tell you never to give up.  I have been blessed to be married twice in my life.  My first husband honestly could not handle being married to a sick person.  I thought at that point in my life that who would ever want me.

But I have since been blessed with the most amazing husband in the world.  He has seen me at my all time worst, and not once ever thought about leaving.  There is a man out there somewhere that will be just right for you.  You just have to be patient.  I will tell you that you are still young, and you should never give up hope.  I happen to know that you are a woman of faith.  Lay your fears at God's feet and he will provide all your needs.  That is what I did, and he brought my husband into my life.

Good luck,

Gail *Nanners*

Posted 6/23/2009 9:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Maz

I can really relate to you on this one as I am at the same stage were all my friends are getting married or have girlfriends and I feel depressed that I have not found that special some one to share my life with and start a family. The other members have given great support and advice as always but I would just like to add mine and say that you are a wonderfully talented super chick and we love you here and im sure you will find Mr Right soon and agree with aries that we tend to find someone when were not looking. Take care my friend Maz we are here if you need us for support.

Hugs

Ben
Posted 6/23/2009 10:27 PM (GMT 0)

Kitt and Gail-  thankyou for putting things in perspective for me. I have to try and be more positive and also step out in faith and believe there is a plan for my life- even though i dont see it yet. smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin  (one for you each) 

Ben- hang in there my friend. I am sure you will find someone, and thanks for being so understanding. ( smilewinkgrin )

I will do my best to stay positive and not give in to negative thoughts or expectations that society lays on me.

All my love,

Maz XX

Posted 6/24/2009 7:34 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry that you are feeling down about your future. I will tell you that I think you are a spring chicken! I have several friends that married in their late 30s, early 40's and they are very happy. They really knew who they were first and what they wanted from a mate. In my opinion there's still plenty of time.
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