no confidence no self esteem

I have no birthday blues or anything. I'm just having trouble coping. I can't get a job because of my age and I am a health risk with a broken back and heart disease. I am finally drawing ss disability but it is not enough to pay all the bills, rent, utilities, phone, etc. I had a small farm in my home state of Kansas, where I was born and raised, but I lost it and my trucking business, and had to move to this area of Oklahoma where my wife was from. In August, she left and has become the local drunken harlot. Due to our move, my son, was forced to quit high school and is now 19 with a 9th grade education, and has no opportunities in this area. With my meager income, I am unable to move and have no possibilities if I did. I have tried to find work for myself, and have found nothing but taking surveys on line that just don't pay anything. There are plenty of on-line opportunites available but the ones that seem to pay anything at all, cost money up front, and I have none. I have lost so much because of scams and other things. My problem is that I am now at such a low point, I have no self-confidence and no self-esteem. I tried turning to prayer, but that doesn't seem to work for me either. I am unable to talk to family and friends, for fear of dragging them down with me. Besides not being from around here and not knowing anyone, the only friends I have are friends of my son. I have become a hermit, and have no ambition. I have 5 horses and the only reason I find the energy to take care of them is it has to be done. I am lost, lonely, embarrassed, and broke. This is my last effort to seek help. If I had the guts, I would have already ended it. I have no answers, and no interest in asking questions anymore. If I could just pay all the bills and have a little money left over to do things, it would help. But nothing seems to matter to me any longer.

I'm sure my family would help any way they could. But I'm just afraid to ask for fear of bringing them down. I just don't want to be a burden to them. I am 54 years old and should be retired by now living in my own house helping my son with his problems, not worrying about my own.

That's good advice, thank you! I am not affiliated with any church in this area, as all of my contacts are back home in Kansas. As I said before, I am misplaced here, and don't know anyone. I have never in my life felt so lost, alone, and helpless. Thank you again for your advice!