Depression or just a miserable person??

I was "diagnosed" with general anxiety about 7 years ago. I use the quotations because I felt like it was a half assed diagnosis and I immediately put on .05mg Klonopin a day and have been on it ever since. I feel that the drug is a main source of my anxiety now. Its been 7 years and nithing seems to be better than it was before. I am still constsantly thinking about dying.. by cancer, heart attack, stroke or just droppin dead for whatever reason. I do smoke cigarettes and have tried to quit several times but was unsuccessful. I continue to smoke even though I hate it and pretty much everytime I have a cigarette I feel like garbage. I cant sleep at night without taking some sort of sleeping mediaction like Tylonol PM or Slimply Sleep. All of the above problems have affected my life in the following ways. I have lost friendships because I avoid situations because I feel like I dont belong and everyone sees me as a strange individual or odd. My temper has spiked to the point I have lost jobs over it. A lot of people I have worked with see me as a loose cannon, short tempered.. basically an ******. I know myself I am completely harmless but I have had people tell me that my anger scares them because I have a look in my eye that makes them uneasy. This hurts me. I know I am a good person and there was once a time when I was happy and would do things with my life but those days seem so long ago. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont have alot of money or the best health insurance but I know the problem is there and getting worse and needs to be addressed. I spend most of my days sitting at home watching tv because I have lost my job. I rarely leave the house. Everyday seems the same. I am starting to think I am just a complainer. Like a lazy ass with no motivation but I also feel there is a serious problem here. Im too young to be thinking about dying everyday, Im too young to have no friends... I live with my girlfriend and I dont even think she likes me very much. Im just not a very fun person to be around anymore... What can I do???

I don't think it would hurt to get a psych consult in addition to therapy since meds are involved and you're wondering about a misdiagnosis. Anxiety and depression sort of go together and often coexist. The prevailing thought (or so I've read) is that a doctor would want to treat the prevailing condition, and in theory that should help with both. You're on Klonopin but a very small dose and with the worry you express, I assume there is some anxiety involved. If it is the dominant condition then you could benefit maybe from increasing your Klonopin or switching to a different med. However if depression is the dominant condition, then Klonopin is a drug your new doctor probably wouldn't want you on.

You said you had insurance. Hopefully mental health is covered. If not your county health department could probably be of service to you. As far as therapy goes, look for non-profits who can point you in the direction of someone who works on a sliding scale. To me it sounds like you want to work, so your recovery would be a good investment.

And of course it is. It sounds like you want to get better so I have little doubt you can improve. Sometimes it just takes that initial push and off you go.

I've been where you're at. The guilt, the lack of motivation, the unemployment and underemployment, the anger...all of it sounds familiar. But it can get better. My life is completely different than it used to be. Seven or so years ago I was on the fast track to nowhere but when things turned around, they really turned around. Have faith, and go forward in confidence.

Good job debaser, good advice.

Kitt