Very sad news and very upset

I have been going through such a horrible time right now with constant anxiety. I am unable to be left alone because of it...doctors orders. Either that or I had to be hospitilized.

I live in a very nice housing community and know many of my neighbors.

My husband just called me from work and told me that one of my neighbors..a street over from me just took their own life. I stepped out on my front porch and can see the flashing lights through the trees.

My heart is so broken for this person. I truly know how it feels to have those thoughts and so far I am lucky enough to recognize when my mind is taking over my thought process. I am able to tell my husband these thoughts immediately and have been helped.

I don't know who it was yet but my heart is still broken. As I sit her suffering with endless emotional problems someone so close by was experiencing the same thing. I feel numb at this time. I wish this person had someone to lift them up.

I don't know if this was proper to post this here but I just needed to let it out.

I wish I knew there was someone so close by in such desperate need of help tonight.

With a heavy heart...kitkat

I am so sorry to hear of your neighbor's death and I know you must feel very sad. Coming here and posting how sad and upset you feel is a good thing. You are letting out your feelings and sharing with your family here in HW.


WE are here for you and know you can count on us to support you on your journey to healing.

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))



Kitt

Thank you all so much. I love my family here.

It's another rough day at my house. Still can't stop crying and shaking. Feel like I am really losing my mind. My xanax 0.5 every six hours is barely touching it.

I just keep thinking I know how that person felt to not want to feel any pain anymore.

Heading out to families house now. Husband has to work and I still can't be left alone.

I wish you all peace today...kitkat

Thank you Kitt,

I spent the day with my family..minus my hubby. Had 2 major breakdowns. As soon as my xanax wears off...actually way before the next dose...I am a basket case.

Most of my family is understanding. My one sister hugged me and said "why are you crying?' She just doesn't understand when I say I have no idea.

No one is leaving me on my own though which I am thankful for. It's easier having someone in the same house with you when feeling like this.

I have had this happen before but never this badly. I just can't seem to get a handle on it. I have only been taking the new med change to Paxil for I think 4 days now so I am sure it hasn't kicked in yet.

Monday morning I am calling a therapist I use to goto several years ago to see if he can squeeze me in.

I am trying so hard to pick myself up out of this but my mind seems to be winning this battle.

I have tryed relaxing, meditating, exercising, acupuncture...it just won't let up.

I have been having health issues for quite some time and I have two doctors disagreeing on a diagnosis so that leaves me up in the air and scared to death. I know it is these constant headaches that have thrown me over the edge. I just have to keep trying my hardest to climb back up and over.

Mornings are so difficult. The panic I am waking up in is just out of this world. I don't just tremble I shake something awful and my mind just won't stop racing.

I am afraid that if it doesn't let up a bit soon I might have to goto the hospital. I don't find the hospital helpful but I think my poor family might need a break from me. My husband is just so worn down. He works swing shifts so his sleep schedule is messed up anyway and then to have me breaking down as early as 3 am is taking it's toll. He doesn't complain and it very supportive but I can just see how he is starting to crumble too.

Today was the worst so far. Shook and cryed and panicked from about 4am until noon. Couldn't make it go away.

Thank you all so much for your support. I don't know what I would do at this point with all my new friends here.

Peace to all, kitkat

Kitkat...

I'm new on this board (but a regular on the Chronic Pain board)... I've read through your posts here, and I just really wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for all that you are going through right now. Even with everything you have going on....and not even knowing you....I still see your spirit in the words that you write. I can tell how hard you are fighting, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. I've been in your shoes, maybe different circumstances in some ways, but still battling many of the things that you write of... I hate to hear of anyone going through these feelings. I wish I could take them away; I would if I could!

All I can say is just hanging in there, and doing what you are doing. That's really all we can do, right?

Thinking of you... Tina

((((((( HUGS ))))))))) Wish I could be there to give you a real one !!! Sorry you are having a rough spot!!
Love and thinking of you !!
Melinda

Thank you all for your overwhelming support. It means so much.

Things are still really bad. I am scared of being alone and can't stop shaking and crying.

These headaches are killing me. They really knock me down and are so painful. I have an appt. with a new neuro but not until February.

Naproxen dulls it for a little bit but doesn't take it away.

I can't seem to get myself out of this constant panic mode. It's 24/7 and it's really taking it's toll on me.

I just want to feel like myself again and it seems so far away.

I have been trying meditating, peppermint oil, mineral baths, exercising and soothing music. I don't know why nothing is working.

I still have to take xanax 3 times a day and that isn't even controlling it.

I seem to be getting worse instead of better. I just don't know what to do anymore and I feel so lost.

kitkat