Any books or counseling to handle spouse issues?

I've had anxiety/panic for about 12 years. It's probably no coincidence that it came out during my first year of marriage. Let me first say that I love my husband and he is a good person. He is loyal, loving, very involved with the kids, ethical and a very hard worker, but I believe he has his own issues with anger management and OCD. He works long and hard and when he gets home he doesn't feel peaceful if things aren't a certain way. He gets agitated and anxious for instance if the toilet seat cover isn't put down or if there are crumbs on the floor, he likes things done a certain way, etc. I guess you could call it "controlling", but it's only with the little things, not with larger decisions and our values. We make all those decisions together. I am not worried about him getting worse, I've known him for 21 years and he's been pretty steady. He is at his worst in general when he is stressed at work. When he was on vacaction during Xmas he was happy and mellow. I am a sahm mom at the moment, with kids in school all day, so I don't think it's unreasonable for him to come home to a peaceful house, but his issues coupled with my anxiety can really do a number on me sometimes. I have a cognitive therapy workbook that I never started. I'm going to start reading it tomorrow. I really have no more excuses since there are no kids home during the day anymore. I was kind of nervous to fill in the pages because things I put in the workbook will often pertain to him and I don't want him to see it. He's not a snoop and won't look through it though. Anyways, if that doesn't work for me, any advice on what type of therapy I should be doing if I'm going it alone or another good book to read? I don't know if I could get him into couples therapy unless it was a last effort to save our marriage or something. We generally are doing well and it isn't anywhere near that point. Honestly, I am not sure I'm ready for counseling at this point, but I know it would help me.