Life Falling Apart

It's been a bad week. Over the weekend and off and on this week, my stomach troubles returned with a vengeance. It didn't seem to be stress related so I'm not sure why it's happening and right now I have no access to medical care.

Next, my girlfriend and I break up. Ironically she's in med school but is very insensitive when I am ill, so I told her to go to hell. Strangely my mother was the same way when I had my first go around with stomach troubles several years ago. Perhaps I have some kind of Oedipal complex. Weird and disturbing.

And tonight was the real kicker. I am in business for myself but it's sort of like a partnership with my father's business. Well, business has not been good. Every time it shows signs of life, it's not long before it drops off the deep end. I have a feeling better times would be ahead and I had the financial means to stick it out as long as I had some income, but I learned tonight that my father threw in the towel so now I'm out of business, too.

Right now I'm more or less stunned. There's no anxiety yet, but it's hard to believe it won't hit at some time. I've never been out of work in my life except for a short time while I was in college, and that was by choice. Not sure how to go about this or what to do. I'll be broke in no time without even the modest benefit of unemployment payments.

The funny thing is that prior to last weekend's stomach issue I'd been relatively happy and for no apparent reason. Normally I'm a pretty solemn, serious person unless I'm with good friends. For some reason I've been really cheerful and not myself. Everything is so weird right now.

You're probably gone but thanks and have a fun vacation.

My stomach can get messed up when I have anxiety but this is something that's actually wrong with my stomach. I'm pretty sure it is gastritis because it's slowly getting better, though I do not have any idea what caused the gastritis. Anyway, the stomach troubles actually started before I thought I'd lost my job, and my girlfriend and I were doing fine until my stomach started messing up. She got angry and I walked out on her because I didn't really want to deal with it. People can be weird. I wasn't really complaining all the time about my stomach. I just didn't want to take her out on the town, basically.

Anyway, it turns out I'm not really out of a job. My dad was actually lying to me about his going out of business and just wanted to take back the geographical area I worked in. But he died suddenly on Saturday morning and his wife, who ran his business with him, wants to go back to the way things were.

I'm pretty sure my girlfriend and I will get back together. She wanted to see me Saturday night, but I haven't seen her because I had to go to my father's house unexpectedly.

So the scorecard has changed:

I have a job.
I probably have a girlfriend.
Stomach is getting better.
My dad, however, is dead. I'm sad about it and everything but we did not have a typical relationship at all.

Anyway yeah I've been on medication for I guess about three years. It's effective though I still have some breakthrough anxiety at times. Guess I always will but I can live with that. I'm the same way you are, though. I have to stay busy...it's absolutely essential.

Thanks for your reply. Used to I had lots of friends here and anytime I'd make a post I'd get a lot of support and encouragement. Not really a regular anymore, though, so I guess people have forgotten about me, haha. That's okay. I'm doing fine.

You should get a summer gig, by the way. For some reason a lot of my friends ended up teaching, and even though they don't really need the money most of them work over the summer. Mostly it's teaching summer school but some of them do other stuff, too.