Think I may be OCD

I can't say it's something I've particularly associated with my issues surrounding anxiety (also bipolar/ADHD), but more something I label as just being human. For me random, particularly unwanted or unintended, thoughts don't manifest sexually, but are violent in nature. Sort of like the hypothetical question, "You're standing on a subway platform (or busy street-corner, or cliff-face) next to your best friend. Have you ever thought about how simple that little push would be?" It's one of those thoughts that occurs to you. You don't want it. You don't want to act on it. But it comes to you. You can either feel guilty about it or let it pass.

I too have can have a hard time with the guilty feelings.

And yes, talking to someone would be a good idea. It doesn't necessarily have to be a therapist. If you have someone close to you that you trust and whom you don't think will judge you, just letting your thoughts out as words can be refreshing and very helpful (the act of saying what you feel is a large part of what works about therapy). If you don't have that someone, you could try writing it down - this can be time consuming, but it also helps. Anything that takes what's inside and gets it out.

e.celeste.a
Hello and I am glad you were brave enough to post your questions here in the A & P Forum and take a chance on us understanding what your going through.

1st of all you are NOT your thoughts - understanding this is crucial.

It is said that most humans have distressing thoughts that can be of a violent and/or sexual nature, but they simply don't seem to make much of an impact. They don't tend to stick in the person's mind, but more importantly, the person can dispel them as being just a thought.

So why does this "normal" thinking process affect people with OCD differently?
It is what you do with the Thoughts/Images which is important and people with OCD who have these types of obsessions can't dispel them as easily.

I feel you should see a professional psychologist because while there are things you can do for yourself, they will structure your efforts so they will work for you even more efficiently.

As far as what to tell your man, IMHO, you needn't share every single feeling or deed.

Take care and I hope you find some help in the posts here in this thread.

Kindly,

Kitt

I have been taking the last few days to try and reconnect with my spirituality (collective consciousness and the power of love and affirmation <3). This has helped me a LOT.
Whenever I am connected to my spiritual path, I think nothing but love and success. I lost that connection in the past year or so and needed to find my footing once again.
As ridiculous as it may sound, I have been thinking that alot of these negitive images/thoughts I've been having have alot to do with my dads recent death. He suffered some sexual abuse as a child, as did my mother, as did my brother. My dad was the person that my mom and brother talked to about these problems, and he discussed his problems with them in turn. I have these feelings that are so incredibly powerful that I feel they are my own, but upon reflection, I think that these feelings are of unrest that my dads 'soul' has about not being able to confront these problems during his lifetime. I know it sounds a little nuts, but thats my justification of how I feel. This has settled my nervousness and given me the power to trust myself in this.
I also spoke with my mom. She's seen councellors before so she offered to set me up an appointment, but I don't want to dwell on what happened/what i'm doing that I feel bad about. Rather, I will use my spirituality to ground me in faith.
Also!! I spoke with many other people my age (including my man who I felt I was withholding these feelings from) and confirmed my thoughts that we are the first generation to be exposed to the internet and its breeding ground of sickness and negativity. I strongly believe that this has a huge role to play in the way my 'OCD' thinking has developed. No other generation of kids have been exposed to this, and we don't yet know what kind of psychological damage that unsupervised internet access can lead to. I hope to explore this notion in the future, maybe as a way of healing those who have had to suffer the same damage I did.
Basically, I just keep telling myself, today will be better than yesterday, and yesterday was better than the day before. This has been working. :)