Said goodbye to my wife

Hi folks-
It has been a long time since I was here.
Some of you like howlyncat, know that I did say goodbye to my precious wife Barb this past December 18th.
She became quite ill with Lupus and went to the Lord on that night. This horrible affliction attacked her kidneys, they shut down, she was put on dialysis, which she hated with a passion, and other things started to happen.
The afternoon of the 18th, she suffered a subarachnoid hemmorhage. She was in critical condition until her departure that night.
It has been the most horrible time of my life, but both of us being Christians, I know I will see Barb again one glorious day in heaven. God has helped me day by day in my grief journey. The healing process is slow, but is happening gradually.
I hope all of you are okay and if not, will be feeling better soon.
God bless all,
Tony

Hello Kitt-

Thanks so very much. We were so very blessed. That's true. Neither of us had ever married before being brought together by a loving God fairly late in life. We knew each other for nearly 17 years, almost 14 of those in marriage. Our backgrounds were like mirror images. We knew early on that God had chosen us for each other. We would even have the same thoughts and start to say the same thing at the same time!

We were so much a part of each other. A great part of my heart went with Barb when she left.
We had really no social life except for church mostly. We were each other's life.

Again, my heartfelt thanks for your kind words and prayers.

Hugs,

Tony

Oh yes, Kitt.  She was an angel who spoiled me rotten!

She truly is in my heart til I see her in heaven.  My once-in-a-lifetime soulmate.

Thanks again &

Hugs-

 

I had a picture of us on our wedding day, but the image feature won't work.

Sorry.

Good morning, Kitt-

You're so welcome for the picture.

Yes, my angel had a face that showed her love and caring. You could literally see Jesus in everything she said or did. He sent me the very best angel on earth!

So true about Barb being young. We would have been married 14 years had she made it to January 20th. She would have been 66 Feb. 4th. This has been the most horrible year of my entire life.

Oh me, Christmas, I wasn't even here. I was buried in a deep grief fog. I went out to a friend's house out of town for Christmas Day. She had several others there. I hardly remember that day. I do remember fighting off crying the whole time I was there. It was extremely miserable.
I had bought Barb a cross pendant for Christmas. She never got to see it, but wore it in the casket. I couldn't afford a cemetery plot, so much against my beliefs, I had to have her remains cremated. I have them in a pretty urn on the shelf in the living room. In a way, that is good. If I want to hold it, walk with it and cry my heart out, I can any time. Crying is a challenge now. I have these dumb neurological problems. Yesterday I had cried some, and an hour or two later, I started having an occasional vibration near or in my left ear. Now, I feel scared to cry anymore. It's always something.

But the past seven months have been the worst and most lonely of my entire life. To top this off, the little pet bird we bought only 3 months after we married, died about 3 weeks ago! All I needed! Having no kids, he was a child to us. Babycake was such good companionship after my Barb went Home. Now I don't even have him.

Well, I have vented more than I thought I would, but the pain just lingers, though I have come a long way since Barb left. I went through a grief class for six weeks, and have been in counseling for my grief which has helped tremendously.

Thanks for those precious prayers, Kitt. I deeply appreciate them all.

Tony

Hi Lyn!

I am glad I came back too. You guys will always be like family to me.

Thanks so much, Lyn.

Big Hugs,

Tony