Dont know what to do (long, sorry)

So, ever since I can remember I have been anxious about just about everything but recently everything has become 10x worse. A few years ago while cleaning out my fathers house to move I found papers from my parents (almost) divorce which stated that my father was at one point accused of sexually abusing me. According to the papers the charges were quickly found to be unfounded and there was never any evidence of abuse. When I asked my mom about it she stated that when I was about 5 I began to regress and wet myself again even though I had been potty trained since I was 2. She took my to my peds which suggested that my father may have been abusing me (since he was the only male I was ever left alone with) and she called CPS. Before I found these papers the thought never even crossed my mind that I had been sexually abuse especially not by my father. I have always been close to my dad. I always assumed the regression I experienced was related to my father being an alcoholic and my parents relationship breakdown at the time (I can remember listening to them fight at night). Now, I obsess over this information. I am constantly worried that maybe I was abused by him but I cant remember it. It has ruined my ability to have sex or any intamate relationship and ruined a wonderful 7 year relationship I was in. I have absolutly no reason to believe I was abused so why cant I just let it go? I doexhibit obsessive behaviors in other aspects of my life as well (If i do something wrong at work I then constantly worried that I will be firedand things like that). Is this just my obsessive personality? I cant stand these thoughts anymore.

Hello and welcome,

Let me see if I can help you a bit.  Believe it or not  stress is the number one cause of bed wetting regression in children. Many parents don't recognize their child is stressed out and that this can be a cause of bed wetting accidents. However, the truth of the matter is that many situations may arise to make your child feel stress and the result is a regression to bed wetting. Some examples of stress a child may feel include attending a new school,  something different in their routine,  and in your case your parents must have been in conflict if divorce papers had been initiated. 

Your Mom took you to the Dr. and there was no proof of any sexual abuse just a suggestion that your Mom acted on.  It may have helped if she would have taken you to a child psychologist but hindsight is 20/20. 

My thoughts get stuck on something and, like a broken record, repeat a certain fear over and over and over again.  I substitute my worrisome thoughts with feel good-ones.    Sometimes getting out one of my picture albums and laughing at old pictures is a good way to break the circle of thought. 

Obsessing over not knowing if you were abused or not is making you very unhappy and if you were not abuse then there are no past memorie that are ever going to  come back. 

Try to live in the moment as this moment is the only one we really have so work hard at stopping the "stinkin thinkin"

I hope you talk with your Dr and also look at therapy as seeking help is a good thing.  Coming here was very brave of you so stick with us.

Kindly,

Kitt  

Hello and welcome. First I want to commend you on having the courage to share what you did. I may have misunderstood some of the timing of your story, but I had a few thoughts reading it.

I agree with Kitt in that stress can certainly lead to bedwetting in a child (even without any abuse at all). If you heard your parents fighting that could certainly be stressful to a young child who doesn't fully understand what's happening. Many children even blame themselves when their parents fight.

Also and I sincerely hope that this is not the case, but is there a possibility that your mother was trying to build a case against your father to support getting divorced, wherein she used the bedwetting as "evidence" of abuse that otherwise had no evidence of occurring?

Since this is interfering with your life and relationship(s), I too would suggest counseling. Even if you have not been abused, it sounds like you're exhibiting some of the symptoms that a person who has been abused might show. It's very common for those who are sexually abused to have difficulty in their intimate relationships and that's something that you can work on both by yourself (and possibly a counselor) as well as with your partner. Your partner may never have done anything abusive, but still needs to be sensitive to anything that might remind you of what may (or may not) have happened.

One last point.... there are cases where people who have in reality never been abused as a child will begin to "remember" being abused. For example, if someone like a therapist or relative "reminds" them of abuse that never occurred the person can even go as far as to "remember" specific aspects of the when the abuse occurred, like "oh yeah, I had a yellow shirt on that day". Obviously anyone suggesting abuse occurred when they know otherwise is acting inappropriately to say the least, but my point is that if you worry too much about this you may end convincing yourself that it happened even if it didn't.

OK, maybe that wasn't my last point. I have one more. Can you/ have you spoken to your dad? Depending on your comfort level you may want to do so with a therapist. But simply talking about it (as hard as that may be), getting out your feelings like "I thought we had a great relationship Dad... does this mean I was wrong?", and/or seeing your dad's reaction (verbal as well as body language) may be helpful. I wish you well and hope that you'll continue to seek out support as you address this issue.