Confronting issues

Oh Red,

You have just done it by writing it down.  (I am so sorry you went through that Red)

I needed to tell my Doctor something in order to get a medical exemption to wearing a seatbelt.  It was one of those 'dirty little secrets' for me, and I knew I would never be able to get the words out in the 10minutes that I had in her office.  My wall doesn't go down that quick, but I wanted the issue dealt with.

I wrote down my reasons for asking for the exemption, handed it to her, and just said this is too hard to talk about in the time we have.

Wishing you the best of luck Red, it takes guts to begin to speak, I am proud you are trying too.

(I got my exemption)

I've always been able to express my feelings on paper but never vocally. We are in the process of trying to do just that, to help me vocally express my emotions. She told me that writing it down is a good step forward and in the right direction but would like me to say it as well. If I was to write it down, wouldn't that hinder the process? I guess I can write it down and then talk about it. That way I can start it without getting anxious over how to begin? I'm getting better at vocally talking about how I feel with minor things, but something this major and deep rooted is a bit tougher for me.

Sherry,

My heart goes out to you.  I suspect you are dealing with PTSD and sharing with your therapist is a good thing.  You may try writing it down and when you see your therapist tell her you would like to read aloud what you wrote.  I have been in therapy off and on for quite awhile now - currently on !  When I get in my therapist's office I will often burst into tears and my therapist will say "talk to me"  or " what are you feeling?"

I know how hard it is to share with someone else something you feel  but I have learned to just blurt it out and if she asks me a question I don't have an answer for I just say " I don't know".  I cannot always describe my feelings in words. Sometimes what I have to say sounds so pathetic to my own ears that I am wondering what is wrong with me and then I remember,  I have anxiety,  depression and PTSD. I have come willingly to seek help from this person and slowly I will make progress as I know you will too.

You have opened up here to us and you trusted us to understand and care - WE DO !  Take that leap of faith that you can tell your therapist your story.  Each time you tell it the words will come easier. The pain will be there but by talking about it you should be able to find some peace.

Remember it is ok to cry for that little girl inside you.

Love and hugs,

Kitt

It sounds like you've already gotten some really good feedback Sherry. Writing certainly does help and it can lead to talking in time. It's a step in the right direction of getting those toxic memories out of your system where you can discharge any power they have over you and your future. As was already said you might find it easier to tell your story each time, so writing it down here was a great first step. Maybe you can write it again elsewhere like in a journal and then in a letter to your therapist even if you don't give it to her.

When you are in your session you could read the letter to her, or you could make yourself a bullet point list to help you remember what points you wanted to raise so that you're not reading verbatim. Also remember that you don't have to get it all out in one session. You mentioned that it comes to you in drips and drabs - which tends to be the case with traumatic memories. They become repressed for a reason. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself as much time as you need. If you make a list of 5 points and only discuss one - great! Give yourself credit for having started the process and bringing it up in the first place. If you go to your next session and end up
talking about something else that's OK too, because in your mind you may have been building yourself up to the point where you're ready to share about the abuse (you might be driving in thinking, "do I want to talk about it today or should I talk about something else instead?"). Just that internal discussion will bring you one step closer to actually sharing. I'm also sure that as you and your therapist get into it and talk about more details will come to you, even if only during the week that you want to later go back to.

Finally, you might want to start by saying to your therapist that there's something you'd like to talk about but you're not quite sure if you're ready to actually say the words. This would be another great opportunity because you said yourself that one of the things you're working on is expressing your emotions. So you can explore your fears, concerns, possible embarrassment or whatever else may be initially holding you back from sharing the details (all without sharing the actual details).

We support you and hope that you give yourself the credit for your bravery in sharing what you did already with us here. I wish you the best.

Post Edited (Fugs) : 10/8/2010 10:34:10 AM (GMT-6)

Don't rush yourself. You seem like you really want to share this and it'll come out when you're ready.

Even if it's something as simple as a single sentence at the end of a session like "I know we're out of time for today, but I want to eventually talk about some abuse stuff". That could be an ice-breaker and then you'd have a whole week to think about the success of making that initial statement. But again, I'd encourage you not to pressure yourself saying anything like "I have to get this out today". Be patient... it'll come.