Well I guess I'll start off with the usual "I've been up and down". There's moments (very short) moments hwere I feel fine and am able to feel like I can function and live without worrying about
feeling out of it, but then there's the majority of the day where I am lost in a daydream and just think about
how out of it I feel, how far "gone" I am and what I need to do to get myself back.
Well during one of these long out of it daydreams I was just lying in bed for hours and watching A Beautiful Mind. Bad move. Mad me think that I too could be schizophrenic, even though I don't have ANY hallucinations. For some reason I just had that irrational fear for a cuople of hours afterwards. Now I am pretty convinced I don't, for the moment anyway. But I still don't know how the heck I am so just emotionally/physically drained all the time. It really doesn't make any sense to me as I try to wrap my head around it. One problem I have lately, which I guess is a blessing but also kind of a curse. Are these new ideas of how to better myself. But, they come at me so fast and I feel like its impossible to choose one path and stick with it because I keep changing my mind. I change my mind about a plan to better myself just about 3-4 x an hour maybe. Today I was driving to go try and get a loan so I can pay off some of my credit card bills and I must have changed my mind about which bank or credit union i was going to go to about 20 x on the 15 min drive.
The point of this tirade is, I feel like I can only focus on things short term. Like, at my new job I am able to do the transactions fine for the customers, but if you asked me what happened like 10-15 min before that, I'd pretty much have no recollection or be totally lost. I feel as if maybe the Zoloft is affecting this? Or maybe it's slowly helping and making it easier for me to focus a little at a time and I just have to be patient? Patience is sooo not one of my attributes though. The reason for the title of this post was because in the movie A Beautiful Mind, the character said that he couldn't do his work as well while he was on the medication. That it affected his thinking process. And that's kind of how I feel anytime I take any antidepressents. But then again, I feel sort of the same way off of them too.
I guess the real point of this post is to ask, is it possible that meds can sometimes make concentrating, thinking, and decision making worse?