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I think I'm about to breakdown.

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 11/16/2010 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
I've always had issues with anxiety, but this is unbearable. I obsess and panic over one thing, and I think that as soon as that's over I'll be great, and then when it is over, BAM, I find something new to panic about.

The other morning, I woke up and decided to panic that maybe I had HIV (even though I have no reason to think this, and have donated blood several times in the past year and never heard anything negative back, went for blood work for my yearly physical, and had surgery). I panicked myself so much, I went to get tested. Obviously, it was negative. I was relaxed for about a day or so until the thought that maybe the test was done wrong came into my head, and now that's my source of anxiety.

Why did I pick HIV? Who the hell knows. Before that it was the fear that I was pregnant.

I'm scared. I've recently started a new birth control pill, and am hoping that is my problem. I'm switching pills tonight.

I really can't continue like this.

Please, someone talk me down.
Posted 11/16/2010 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
You are going to be okay. My sister went through this situation as well. She has been in a monogamous relationship with her husband for 8 years and started freaking out every few months that she was HIV positive and continued to get tested for it until the doctor started noticing a pattern. He actually put her on an anti depressant and it has helped her tremendously. She no longer has fears like that. So you are not alone in that exact thinking. Try to stay calm and remember that you do donate blood and you are giving life to someone who needs it. You have never had an issue with your blood and that is some what proof that you are not HIV positive. Try right now to watch a funny movie or something that delays your thinking or takes your mind of the stress you are having at this moment. Sorry if I wasn't helpful.

Many hugs and everything will be ok
Posted 11/16/2010 10:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome,

I am sorry you are going through a rough time but it does feel to me like you have anticipatory anxiety.  Anticipatory anxiety is  an emotional state of what-will-happen-next fears.


While nearly everyone feels stressed during times of crisis and uncertainty, the ways that anticipatory anxiety is experienced and expressed varies from individual to individual. Some people may be temperamentally more "high strung" and biologically more vulnerable to anxiety. Although some people are quite aware that they are experiencing stress due to these kinds of worries, for other people the worries may operate "under the surface" and they may not connect that some of the stress that they are experiencing is related to these worries.

Talking usually helps. Share your feelings with friends, family, clergy, a counselor or right here in HealingWell. 

While we can't always control what happens to us, we can always control what we say to ourselves. It's important to keep things in perspective. Talk to yourself in reasonable ways. Ask yourself "how likely is my fear?" Remind yourself that you have coped before during other challenging times. Don't just dwell on the negative but consciously look for things you can appreciate every day.

You are going to be OK !  Most members here in the forum have experienced this kind of anxiety at one time or another.  Others have it daily.

Stick with us and know we care.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 11/17/2010 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi KK, and welcome! I can relate completely to your post. I also went around and around, getting over one worry only to start in with a new one the next day. It's like the anxious brain can't stand to be without something to stress about! I went through this for a long time, until I sought help in the form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It really helped me to think in a way that tamed my fears, and stopped the constant run away worry, allowing rational thought to prevail!
One quick exercise that may help you for now is this. On a piece of paper write down your current worry/fear. Using two columns, one pro, one con write down the supporting/no-supporting evidence in regards to it. Just seeing the overwhelming evidence (statistically) that you will be fine should ease your mind. I had to do this several times with several different situations, and I saved the lists. Now when a new worry tries to take hold, I can look at my lists and see that none of the things that I feared actually happened.
I hope that things get easier for you soon. I hope that the new pill will be better for you. I agree that hormones can affect anxiety levels, so good luck finding one that works for you, not against you!
Again welcome, and post often!
Take care,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 11/18/2010 2:56 AM (GMT 0)
The good news is....you're not crazy and you aren't alone either. I've had that fear a few times in the past myself. I would cough or sneeze and think, "Oh man, what if this is HIV?" Heck, even symptoms that don't belong with HIV had me convinced that was what it was. Gah. Anyway, my suggestion to you is to realize (if you can....I know it's hard) that you are experiencing panic and you are having racing thought. Try to count down from ten and breathe. It may not fix the issue at hand but I bet it's a start.
Posted 11/18/2010 6:19 AM (GMT 0)
Over the years on Healing Well and a couple of other sites, I've noticed that it's not entirely uncommon for people to have a fixation with HIV. Similar story, getting tested over and over again. Neither of you are alone with that. I guess it comes from some dark place in the mind that is seeking the worst possible scenario. I'm not a doctor or anything but it does sound like a case for CBT, as Scaredy Cat mentioned.
Posted 11/18/2010 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
I want to thank you all so much. I appreciate all your contributions so much; every time I start to feel panicky I come here and reread everything you all have said. It has really helped.
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