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Having bad panic filled days

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Posted 11/19/2010 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
The past few days have been really, really bad ones for me. Bad days for me are days when I just can't be around people because my anxiety symptoms are so bad. I realize that that's probably when I need this forum the most, but those are the days when I don't feel like communicating because it makes me so anxious. I get so irritable and I feel so bad. I also feel really bad about myself because of how hateful I can be when I get this way. My boyfriend is so bewildered by it. I tend to say things I normally wouldn't say that hurts his feelings. But on the other hand, I'll get completely upset at him over nothing. I'm completely insensitive and sensitive at the same time if that makes sense. I feel insane. It makes me feel like I'm a bad person. And I'm angry at myself because I can't control it. I know that it's not my fault, that it's my anxiety disorder. But all the same, I'm angry. I have this irrational fear of being around people too. I left a whole cart full of groceries at a crowded walmart. Just walked out of the store and didn't buy my stuff because this fear just came on all of a sudden and I HAD to get out of there and away from all those people. It took me 30 whole minutes to calm myself down enough to drive. I hate panicking like that. I don't know what to do. I want my good days back. I want them back for good, and I don't want to have any more bad days but I don't know how to make that happen.
Posted 11/19/2010 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Anxiety tends to do that where you're up for a while and then you're down for awhile. It reminds me of one of those sine waves from an old math class I took.

That being said, I think you handled yourself quite well. I know I would've had a hard time leaving the cart behind feeling like I "have" to finish shopping and guilty for leaving the stuff I picked out behind. But you did what you had to do in order to take care of yourself. Good job! I've also been in the car having panic attacks knowing it wasn't safe to start driving just yet. One day I had three in a row (back to back to back) in the parking lot of a grocery store. None of us want to panic -- but when you do you can't ignore it and it sounds like you took care of your needs in that moment. So again... good job!
Posted 11/19/2010 10:55 PM (GMT 0)
Aww SSQ, I can relate to your post. I am not myself when I get really anxious. I get snappy and I can't even stand to be around me! I try to give my family a little warning, and sequester myself away for awhile. I also try to remember that I need to stay in the moment, I will never get the precious time back, so I put it all in persepctive and make the best effort at being nice. It is hard to control the anxiety and the moods they create! Try to make time to do your relaxation, breathing, meditation/prayer, ect. These things can really make a difference in you over all physical and mental state! I hope that things are better for you soon. Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. We are here for you in the good and bad times!
(((((HUGS))))))
Scaredy Cat
Posted 11/20/2010 12:07 AM (GMT 0)
sweetsouthernqueen
I understand how you feel about wanting your time and your life back. The reality is that this is your life right now so don't look back at what was but continue to move forward one step at a time and know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I had a huge meltdown 5 years ago just about this time of year. I had no idea why as up until then I had small episodes but all of a sudden my bridge fell down and I tumbled with it.

I took early retirement from my job (knee jerk reaction) which I loved and in the course of things lost all of my friends and I do mean all. My friends were all tied to my job of 26 years. My friends from work moved on and I was left alone with my anxiety, depression and lonliness. I have spent days, weeks and months praying for a friend. I have cried and grieved for the life I had and prayed to be like I used to be. The past 5 years have been a nightmare at times but also some good times. My best friend from work has retired now and we are renewing our friendship.

I finally accepted that this is my life now and I better start to enjoy the good days and if things get really bad I am able to call my Psychiatrist or make an appointment. She has been my Dr. for 5 years now and at first I resented her as I did not want to need her in my life. Now I am thankful that she is there for me.

Yes, I get angry when meds stop working or I stumble and have to get up and get going again. I get tired of all of this but I have accepted that I have anxiety/depression and so I move forward.

Wow, and I was just going to say a few words. What I wanted you to know most is that we are here for you. We know what your going through and we are all survivors.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt
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