Depression and anxiety from having to meet up with people

I have no friends and sometimes this makes me really depressed like on days when I would like to have some (ie. Halloween to do something) or when I hear about a cool club, but have no one to go with. Otherwise, I have a lot going on for me in terms of school, work, and extracurriculars that I don't have time to spend with others. I'm also an introvert and am kind of content spending some of my time on my own.My problem is that I meet people and then I force myself to meet up with them for lunch or something else. I feel like I have to keep meeting with people in order to build something so that they're there for me when I want to do something that requires other people (like going to a club).

However, it makes me anxious and depressed to meet up with people. It feels like a homework assignment and I just can't wait to get it over with so I can free up my time. After I meet up with someone and am leaving, I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, like after handing in a 10 page paper for class.  I get kind of upset that the time I am taking to meet with someone could have been used to do something I want like read a book or something like that.  Still, I make myself meet with people and sacrifice my homework time and downtime, just because the more we meet up, the more likely they will be to consider me someone to invite to a party or something and the more likely they will be to go with me to something friend-required when I need them.

I get seriously depressed when I don't have a friend when I need one and I want to try and avoid this by making friends. At the same time, all these meet-ups, even though I like the people I meet up with, really stress me out and make me more anxious until the meet-up is over. Any advice?

Lola, I think I'm in a very similar situation to you - it takes me literally years to feel truly comfortable around people, and until that point, I always get really anxious before I meet up with anyone. I'm okay around my old friends from school (unless my depression is really kicking in), but I moved about eighteen months ago, and while there are some people I hang out with here, I get very anxious before meeting them (in fact, I stumbled across this forum because I'm meeting them in a couple of hours and am getting anxious about it). I'd like to be really good friends with them and just be myself, but until I relax around someone I am very inhibited. I usually end up leaving things early, and like you, I feel really relieved when I do.

I've had counselling, which really helped (before, I would just make up excuses not to see anyone unless I was having a really good day) - my counsellor suggested finding something to focus on outside of my own anxiety, such as getting the person you're meeting to talk about themselves. It's good in two ways - it gives you something to focus on, and everyone's flattered when someone takes an interest in them, so the other person is likely to come out feeling like you find them really interesting (it sounds like you do anyway). I also find that if I keep myself really busy up until the meeting, I have less time to worry about it.

Hey there. I get nervous when I am meeting with new people too. What  helps me is positive self talk. I remind myself that I have nothing to lose really and that I may end up meeting someone that I enjoy hanging around with. I am a very social being, but I prefer to go out one on one or in small groups. When I'm out with a large group I feel like I get lost in the crowd and I have no control over the conversation. I don't like the noise level and I don't get much enjoyment out of it. I would suggest that you put yourself in situations that are low key and not overwhelming. Try to meet with just one or two people instead of a whole bunch. If you enjoy being by yourself most of the time that's okay too. If you are bored with the people you're out with maybe you need to expand your "friend net" so  you can meet people with similiar interests.