Lulu,
I am sorry but we are not allowed to talk of illegal drug use as well as using cryptic messages to "skirt" the rules is not permitted.
I know you have been through a lot and I do not mean to sound harsh but your boyfriend owns this problem and perhaps your anxiety is being fueled by his anxiety. There are so many choices to work with to deal with anxiety I would like you to suggest he see a physician re his problems.
Also you may want to postpone your trip with him as it is already kicking up your anxiety and you have to come first when it comes to mental health.
Gentle Hugs,
Kitt