I'm a failure!

So as some of you know I am pregnante. Almost 5 weeks now. I've been taking klonopin 1 mg twice a day for a few years until it started to feel like it wasnt enough anymore. I never went up on the dose bc I wanted OFF!

Well finding out I was pregnant I decided to tapper myself from the klonopin. So I just stopped taking my morning mg. I continued to take the night one tho. Well I did that for 3 days.

Yesterday (3rd day), in the evening, it hit me HARD!!!!!!!! I mean panic symptoms that I've never imagined and I thought I was going to DIE!!!!!!!!! I mean, it was withdrawal! I felt it! It felt like my body was literally just craving it so much!!!!! My chest became constricted and it was hard to breath, my pulse and bp went way up (I have a monitor for that at home *hypochondriac*). I thought I was really just at the end of my life!!!!! I had already taken my night dose around 6 pm but here it was about 9pm and I thought I was dying from these withdrawal effects!!!

I ended up taking another mg at 9:15pm. It kicked in finally about an hour later I guess. I just collapsed in my bed. I woke up at 6am feeling the same TERRIFYING feeling of withdrawal so I took my morning dose at 6am.

I am such a failure to myself, to my son, to my fieonce, but mostly to this unborn baby thats growing at its most important stages right now! It needs me and I couldnt love it more and I dont know what this klonopin is going to do to him/her!!!

I called my old therapist to ask how to tapper safely and I'm waiting now on a call back. I always heard you need diazepam (valium) to help you wean from klonopin. I'm SOOOOO SCARED I'm not going to make it through this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need help!!!!!!!

Hi Raynebow, I am sorry to hear that you are in such misery with this. First of all, I want you to stop beating yourself up. You feel guilty about what your meds may do, but I know this, a healthy pregnancy starts with a healthy mother. Check in with your obgyn of course, but until you hear what your course of action should take, try to stop the negative thoughts and emotions. Your b.p., heart rate, and overall state of mind are all going to affect your pregnancy, so the best thing you can do is relax to the best of your ability.

You are doing the best that you can. It is so apparent that you have love and concern for your whole family! You have not failed or dissapointed anyone. Your next step should be to talk to your ob, ask him/her to consult with your prescribing dr., and figure out what the best and safest treatment is for your anxiety while pregnant.

You and your baby are going to be fine. Double up on your breathing/relaxation exercises. Get plenty of good nutrition and rest. Keep watching movies, and enjoy time with your son and fiancee.

Let us know what your dr.s say, and how you are doing soon,

Peace to you,
Scaredy Cat

I will have my medicade in just a few days and hopefully I can get into the doctor next week. I HOPE!!!!! I have a good one picked out so we'll see. I am going to also see if the pregnancy medicade will allow me to see a mental health provider and a regular doc as well.

I'll keep everyone posted on how me and the baby are doing...

Thank you!!