New and in need of advice, direction or anything!

 I have not seen a dr. at this time. I don't know what to be seen for I am not sure what is wrong with me. I am not sure what to ask other than what is wrong with me. I have terribly low self esteem and I have uncontrolled anxiety at times. At night I always pray that I don't wake up. I destroy relationships cause I am just too afraid to tell anyone what is exactly in my heart so I go with the least confrontational excuse. I tend to do things I don't want to, to avoid confrontation or upset other people. I always feel like I am walking on eggs shells when I talk to people. I never really feel comfortable in my own skin. I worry all the time to the point that I actually make myself sick. My husband was an alcoholic I would go to the store 2-3 times for his alcohol because I did not want to upset him but I did not want him to drink either. I am losing my bf cause I just don't know how to let him in my head. Im scared that if people were in my head that they would think I was crazy.

 

The hardest thing for me is the fact that I don't know why I do certain things. I have a best friend (he lives far away) that I always want to talk to but there are times when I shelf him. I just vanish off the computer and don't know what to say him even though I want to talk to him. I hate how I feel like I am never in control of emotions. I strive to please everyone else but really don't ever focus on my own happiness. To me its easier to live in misery as long as the others around me are happy I can almost deal with life. I need help and I am not sure where to start. PLEASE HELP.

Thank you very much Scaredy Cat. I will definitely look into the things you suggested. At this point I just want to know what it is I have to ask for the proper help. So I will check out the things you suggested and see if they do anything for me. Its a starting point. I really appreciate the help THANK YOU.

Hi Tynk

Welcome to the forum this really is a great support group. Sorry to here you are having these problems at the moment S.C has given you some great advise and I will second that CBT is a great therapy. Keep posting here and you will find the support you need good to meet you.

Hibee

Thank you Kitt for your reply. I was kinda under the impression that I was alone and just about the only one who did not know how to go about finding out what is wrong. I know I have anxiety. I know the anxiety stresses me out to the point that I eventually get depressed dwelling on the fact that I can't seem to calm down. I am a huge advocate against over medicating america so saying to a dr. hey I think I am suffering from depression is not a road I want to go down. The only time I get depressed is from being anxious for days at a time and Im not sure if its depression as much as it is exhaustion from being unable to sleep and/or rest. I really appreciate hearing replies they give me a base of where to start getting better. Thank you again. I am very glad to be here.

Tynk said...

 I have not seen a dr. at this time. I don't know what to be seen for I am not sure what is wrong with me. I am not sure what to ask other than what is wrong with me. I have terribly low self esteem and I have uncontrolled anxiety at times. At night I always pray that I don't wake up. I destroy relationships cause I am just too afraid to tell anyone what is exactly in my heart so I go with the least confrontational excuse. I tend to do things I don't want to, to avoid confrontation or upset other people. I always feel like I am walking on eggs shells when I talk to people. I never really feel comfortable in my own skin. I worry all the time to the point that I actually make myself sick. My husband was an alcoholic I would go to the store 2-3 times for his alcohol because I did not want to upset him but I did not want him to drink either. I am losing my bf cause I just don't know how to let him in my head. Im scared that if people were in my head that they would think I was crazy.

 

The hardest thing for me is the fact that I don't know why I do certain things. I have a best friend (he lives far away) that I always want to talk to but there are times when I shelf him. I just vanish off the computer and don't know what to say him even though I want to talk to him. I hate how I feel like I am never in control of emotions. I strive to please everyone else but really don't ever focus on my own happiness. To me its easier to live in misery as long as the others around me are happy I can almost deal with life. I need help and I am not sure where to start. PLEASE HELP.

 

Boy Tynk, do you EVER sound like me. 

I've been working on these exact same issues now for at least 10 years. The best thing I ever did for myself was to stay away from men. I think it's our conditioning as children to be someone's doormat, that's what we are you know. Always put everyone else ahead of ourselves. It's really awful. Even extricating myself from horrible relationships, I was critisized. Like I should consider myself lucky to even have a man, any man, no matter how badly he treated me or how worthless HE was.

First thing you NEED to do it get away from this alky, he's only going to drag you down with him. I did that TWICE before I learned. Took a lot of time I'll never get back, and took a lot out of me but if I stayed, for sure, I would have been dead a long time ago.

Hi Tynk and everyone. I suffer from anxiety and depression too. You can have some strange thoughts and fears. Ive been getting very stressed and having panics also crying and not wanting to be left alone. I have stomach trouble and a lot of pain with it which stresses me. I have had CBT which was just sitting in a room for an hour with a female psychologist. I had a 6 week course and all we did was talked about things. She then gave me some notes on dealing with stress and a relaxation CD. I did find that there was nothing I didnt already know and my symptoms didnt cease. The woman was sympathetic but quite logical textbook stuff. I found some help from antidepressants which have helped calm me down. My stomach problem continues with the bad indigestion and my doctor wants me to have the CBT again but its more of a physical thing. I dont think as negetive but still dont like being on my own and feel people dont like me sometimes. I know you have to work on your health whether physical or emotional so need all the hep you can get. It takes time but we need doctors help because you cant get through it alone. Dont give up on yourselfor your husband. You dont want to ruin your relationship and you can support each other cant you? Being there for each other really is the best thing,my husband keeps me going. I have a friend far away too and email and text him a lot, hes a rock. Keep friends close its important.