Introduction/New member, Jumpy

Jumpy

New Member

Joined : May 2011

Posts : 3

Posted 5/2/2011 3:49 PM (GMT 0)

Hi. I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember . . . . . . didn't realize what it really was until about 11 years ago when I saw a psychiatrist. I had always been a very shy kid (which manifested into social phobia as an adult). I had depression for a few years on and off starting my teenage years and still from time to time have depression for no reason at all, but not severe enough to EVER want to get back on an SSRI (which helped social anxiety and depression but made me numb and not care about anything - I think I've tried every SSRI) and not severe enough to be anywhere near suicidal. I am now on bupropion but it really only helps with motivation, which is why I still take it - does not work at all for my anxiety.

about the anxiety, though... I have been on medication on and off. The thing is, it is getting WORSE. The social anxiety is not getting worse (but not better either), but I am getting more and more leery about leaving the house, driving any distance out of town fear, and lately . . . which leads to my question if anyone else has this...:

I have always been kind of nervous at nighttime and always never liked to stay alone overnight. However, the last few months it has gotten a thousand times worse . Now, even with my husband here, once I go to bed I nearly panic. I am very scared. Although I live in a small safe town and safe neighborhood, I am scared of everything. I keep my kids close by at night too. I dont know exactly what it is I'm so petrified of. It is to the point that I have had to resort to benzos sometimes (which I don't like to depend on because I was addicted to them several years ago and got off of them) just to relax me enough to not be scared. If my husband has to go somewhere overnight (which is rarely, thank goodness), and I am here alone or just me and the kids, I am PETRIFIED from dark until morning and scared to go to sleep. It never used to be this bad. Does ANYONE else suffer from this and . . . is there anything for this BESIDES SSRI or addictive benzos? Also, has anyone tried hypnosis for anxiety? I would really like to hear someone's input or advice. I feel like no one understands . . . and if they knew how severe it was for me, they would think I'm crazy. I do like to get out and go out to eat, etc., but only if I am with someone, like my husband and/or kids, or a close friend or family member. I hate going anywhere with crowds but can go to church without much problem. Tried another board before this one but it wasn't very active. Also, I don't want to go to therapy because I would have to drive 30 miles and that goes back to not liking to drive out of town unless I ablsolutely have to plus other reasons.

(I gave your post a title, S.C.)

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 5/2/2011 10:13:13 AM (GMT-6)

Scaredy Cat

Elite Member

Joined : Sep 2006

Posts : 28868

Posted 5/2/2011 4:08 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Jumpy and welcome! I am glad that you have joined us here. I think that a lot of members can relate to the feelings that you have described. We know how it feels to be anxious, and how isolating that can be!

I am not knowledgeable regarding medications, so another member may be able to help you there, but it sounds as if you may want to try an alternative anyway, so here are some ideas.

I did go to therapy, and IMO it is best if you can see your therapist weekly one on one. If that is going to be a hardship though, you could try on-line therapy, or self help workbooks.

We have some links to free CBT therapy in the Anxiety Resource Guide (top of the main A/P page) They teach you how to reverse the negative/fearful thinking patterns that bring on anxiety and panic. I also found a lot of great information from books. Some I purchased, like the workbook style, and some I simply checked out from the library. You can benefit so much just by empowering yourself with knowledge about this disorder!

Keep posting here as it is very healing to be in a community with others who share the same struggles! We are an active board, full of great information, awesome members, and lots of support:)

Looking forward to getting to know you better,
Scaredy Cat

Crimson Red Scarlet

Regular Member

Joined : Mar 2011

Posts : 117

Posted 5/2/2011 5:22 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Jumpy,

I too have been anxious most of my life and suffer from social anxiety and depression. I also suffer from agoraphobia which sounds like you may have developed a touch of. Agoraphobia isn't just the fear of open spaces like many people think. Agoraphobia is a fear of panic attacks and so you start avoiding situations where escape may be difficult (e.g., driving, crowds, being alone, etc.). You usually feel safest at home or with a safe person (like your husband). You're not crazy and I can completely sympathize with what you're going through. As SC mentioned, there are a lot of online resources and self-help books that can be useful until you are comfortable enough to see a therapist. New Harbinger Publications specializes in all kinds of disorders, so that may be a good place to start. Things that I have found helpful so far (besides meds.) are relaxation training (deep breathing, yoga, meditation, etc.), affirmations and exposure therapy. I hear assertiveness training can also be useful - especially if you also suffer from social anxiety. You can find books and websites about all of these things.

Hope some of this is helpful and best of luck,

DarkWolf

Jumpy

New Member

Joined : May 2011

Posts : 3

Posted 5/2/2011 7:12 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you both so much. It's good to find a place where people have a clue of how I feel. I will check out the links on here for resources. I want to get a grip on this without having to depend on meds. My husband is just the opposite of me . . . extremely outgoing, social, thrillseeker..... so that helps because if he is with me in a social setting, he kind of "carries me along" by doing all the talking, etc. The most bothersome thing right now is the night fear or whatever you would call it. But the social anxiety gets me. I know everyone in this town thinks I'm just stuck up or whatever. I cannot go up to someone and start a conversation not even at church. I can carry on one ok if someone starts one or comes up to me. I am so afraid of rejection. I also have the feeling that everywhere I go everybody's studying me or my flaws. I work from my home now, which is perfect for me because I do not have to deal with any people and am in the safety of my home.

Anyway... sorry, didn't mean to ramble. I'm going to check out the rest of the site and the resource links, etc. Thanks again!

stkitt

Elite Member

Joined : Apr 2007

Posts : 32602

Posted 5/2/2011 11:00 PM (GMT 0)

Hi jumpy,

Welcome to HealingWell. I will adress your med a bit but please remember I am not a Doctor Bupropion (trade name - Wellbutrin) is one of the meds used for major depressive. One of it's side effect may be an increase in anxiety. My P-doc prescribed it with Buspar for the anxiety that the medication would most likely cause.

Go to: http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome Select "social anxiety" for free Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy. An exercise which may help you is called "Act as If." When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more; smile at people, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your more outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior. (PRETEND that you are an ACTOR, PLAYING a PART). Research shows that when you "act as if" continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy.

For ecouch, you do have to pick a user name and pass word. After that there are quizzes re your feelings. When you complete that there is a page that will ask you what you want to work on - choose social anxiety and good luck.

I am sorry you are afraid of the dark - I would guess you leave some lights on in your home at night -it has helped me by leaving the kitchen light on.

Take care and keep on talking with us.

Kindly,

Kitt

Jumpy

New Member

Joined : May 2011

Posts : 3

Posted 5/3/2011 4:17 AM (GMT 0)

Hey, thanks Kitt! I can't see myself trying to act social around people I already know. I couldn't even act it. BUT it's a good idea maybe for an event that is coming up my husband and I are going to in a few weeks where I will know hardly anyone there, though he will. I am going to try to do this. I just have to tell myself if I look stupid or whatever, don't worry about it because most of them I wont see again anyway. I will also look up that cognitive behavior therapy. Heard of it. Never tried it. You know, when I started the wellbutrin, that seems to be when my general anxiety got worse. Seems it HAS helped my social anxiety a little but not general anxiety or anything in regard to fear (at night, etc.), possibly worse. So I went from taking two 150-mg a day to just one. I tried BuSPAR just for like a week and didn't think it worked but at the same time I was trying to come off benzos cold turkey (high dose for me), so that's probably why. Therefore, I'm going to try it. Hope it at least works some. Tried Vistaril...didn't work. Tried Valerian root, which does seem to actually work a tiny bit (better than nothing).

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