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what to do with memories?

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Posted 8/12/2011 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
 

Hello all, im back its been a few months at least, i try my best to tackle my issues but as we know we are not superheroes and need some advice now and again. well i have been going pretty well with myself and my issues i have to say i feel like im ready to move foward in my life but ive noticed a bump in the road is that, memories get in the way and are becomming a nuisance, how can i comepletly move foward when i have reminders of stuff that i dont want to be reminded of, it can be silly trivial things like clothes from last season i could really like the top but wont want to wear it because of the time in my life.. and i feel like i want to be constantly renewed almost as if im at a point where i wish i could start comepletly fresh with everything and never repeat a single experiance of the past 5 years or so but that is pretty hard, places, people, its pretty crazy.. i went to look for sunglasses the other day and even though i liked them i couldnt get them becuase they looked similiar to something that i had years ago with not so good memories, yesterday i had to take the morning after pill which came with two tablets and i realised the last time i took it it was one tablet and i was going through an ok time then, but then the last time b4 that time i had the two tablet one and i was going through stuff i really dont want to remember, and now i think im going to be reminded of it and feel like crap for the next month until everything goes back to normal, i cant live like this.. i thought to myself i think id rather not take the pill as not to go through this crap but then if i get pregnant thats also a time in my life i dont want to remember, i basically want to delete the past 5 years, is there a better way of going about things, i find this hard, its not fair that ive come so far and now i have to deal with this, i was thinking now i realise why people move and start all over again, but im a single mum and i cant and then i thought, id love to go back to england for abit and it made me feel really good until i remember the last time i went there is all part of the painful memories argggh help its so annoying.

Posted 8/13/2011 3:44 AM (GMT 0)
Hi OS and welcome back. I am glad to hear that you are working on some issues/things, and while some others are still bothering you...well, we are all a work in progress right?

Memories, they can be good and bad. They can be happy and warm, or bittersweet, or unpleasant and also frightening. They can serve as reminders, and also lesson teachers/reminders. Memories are undeniably important and neccessary, but sometimes problematic.

When unpleasant reminders pop up, first of all try to identify the learning experience that maybe you can take away from it. (it could be your subconscious trying to tell you something?)

If that is not the case, and the memory is still plaguing you, try a distraction technique. Maybe say to yourself "It's not time to dwell on that right now." and move on to something that will take your mind off the intrusive thoughts.. Keep repeating as neccessary, until your mind can let it go.

Of course it is impossible to erase what is hard-wired into our brains, but with a little practice, maybe you can make it easier to deal with these memories if you try these ideas. (at least I hope so!)

Keep in touch here, and take care of you and your little one:)
S.C.
Posted 8/13/2011 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
Old soul I know what you mean..Me and my friend , we both have trouble with anxiety and things that remind us of god knows what and then we get anxious.. its so bizarre sometimes.

I think we fight the memories that makes us uncomfortable, something we dont like about ourselves and so I know that I have to work on acceptance. Accepting who I am the faults, the shortcomings...
Maybe you can think that whatever it is that makes you upset, the memory etc.. is just that a thought, it cannot hurt you. You are here now in this moment and all is well.

I wish you peace of mind :)

God bless.
Posted 8/13/2011 4:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hi OldSoul,

It is good to see you here.  I have problems with memories.  It seems as I get older I find memories pop up of good times and not so good times and they have to be dealt with which is often a challenge for me so I know how you feel.

I don't know if you write, or draw, or play an instrument. I've found that doing those sorts of things, using a different part of your brain, removes you from the immediacy of the memory of that experience before it starts to take complete hold of you. I understand feeling overwhelmed, it's like a floodgate opens and well there's your day.

I once did a cognitive therapy exercise; basically I identified the thought or feeling, looked at the triggers, reflected on how I would usually react to that trigger, and made a conscious effort to replace those thoughts with something more kind and constructive. It turned the process into a somewhat mathematical format, I saw my behaviors as obvious and consistent responses to specific triggers, identifying patterns can also be useful.

Above all, you must be kind to yourself, and good things will follow. I think it's important to stay in tune with your stress levels and to allow yourself time/emotional energy/whatever to be angry, or frustrated, or sad, or whatever it is you feel when these cycles begin, and to be in tune with how your handling daily  stress as well. Rather than dwell on your inability to focus, understand that your being is trying to process a  event. It takes time. Trust in that.

Keep on coming here and talking with us my friend and know we care.

Kindly,

Kitt

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