How many have lost parents from death or unrelated issue?

I think childhood abuse Should also be included as a condition contributing to anxiety and panic. Finally my mother tried to kill herself, me and my two little sisters. A sheriff stopped her. End of abuse. She was hospitalized for many years.

Subzeromambo

How dreadful for you and your sisters.  I do believe you could easily add PTSD to your anxiety list. Parental substance abuse interrupts a child’s normal development, which places the child at higher risk for emotional, physical and mental health problems. Low self esteem and feeling guilty for all the bad that happened in my world is still a part of my life but I continue to be a work in progress.

Despite the abuse I  endured, I  blamed myself for my stepmother's  substance abuse and the rage she felt toward me.  I did not understand why my real Mother died and I did not know what I did to make my stepmother "hate" me.  One of my therapists told me once that I was a daughter without a Mother. 

Even as an adult,  I continued to try to please her and make her "like" me, and be proud of me.................I work hard now at remembering that I did nothing wrong, it was not my fault.  I am a good person and so are you. 

I am glad you posted here in the forum and please know you are safe here with us.  We do understand where your coming from and what you are going through.

Many gentle hugs my friend,

Kitt 

I totally understand where Kitt is coming from when she says that she "continued to try to please her" because I was like that with my own mother but I find that I feel the weight of everyone's happiness on my shoulders all of the time.
We feel as if we have to constantly do for others to get their love. To a fault I found that I was going overboard with my daughter, I would do everything for her all of the time thinking if i didn't I would be a bad mother and she wouldn't love me. It has all worked out and she is a wonderful 21 year old now but it is the fear of not being loved that made me respond that way.

I absolutely believe that we were all taught that our feelings. emotions, opinions did not matter and then some of us get married, have kids and stay on that exact path. Always giving because we are use to putting ourselves last and everyone else first. I am not saying that we should stop caring about others but until we start thinking that we count and matter too then nothing will ever get better.

As a child my voice was never heard and no one ever asked how I was feeling or doing, especially after my father died. I repressed it for so long until it showed up soon after the birth of my daughter with a full blown panic attack that sent me to the ER. Being a new mom overwhelmed me and I began my path to healing the pain and hurt of what happened because i was forced to face the grief I never dealt with.

It is amazing what we can handle when we are forced to but I too am in awe of all of the people on here who have also gone through this and have to live with it every day. Stay strong everyone!

Sherry, your story sound a lot like mine just in reverse. My father died and my mom became an alcoholic. I guess they were trying to deal with their own issues but ignored ours in the meantime. You were only 10 and little girls need their moms for things that dads just can't provide. It is surreal how our lives change in an instant when something like this happens and the effects last forever.

When you said that you are emotionally handicapped i immediately could relate to that too. My husband unfortunately gets the brunt of that a lot of the time and he has been somewhat patient. I also noted that you have IBS too, as I do. I imagine this is stress related as well and it is our bodies way of telling us that we are walking nervous wrecks!!
Stay strong!! (my new saying, I am just going to keep saying it over and over and hope it helps).

LHA112:
Wow I thought just having ibs was bad but i know that ulcerative colitis is difficult as well. I was tested for that but the diagnosis was ibs most likely from anxiety, I was told. Apparently it isn't enough to have panic attacks and anxiety but just top it off with ibs and bowel problems and life can sometimes be pretty miserable.

Stay strong!

Sherry:
I understand now, I think. You have a hard time showing sadness, anger, fear and your anxiety? That is a whole lot to hide and to hold in every day. I think many of us here hide our anxieties and sadness from the people we love because we don't want to burden them, we pretend everything is ok when on the inside we are one big knot!

So glad I have this forum I swear!
Stay strong

Red, I think many of us here do that, it is a mechaniusm and it has served me well too.

Hello. I'm the opposite one. I didn't had any death experience in the family when I was small. But I always was afraid to loose my mother (that's I remember as a child). And as long as I remember my self I was afraid of death. Almost paranoid. Till now. I'm 37 now and I lost my mom earlier this year. I was paranoid about death and I'm still the same now. I can bring my self to panic just thinking about that I'm going to die. I hope something will change. I just hope so...

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. There are many symptoms that seem to be showing up in many of us. The ones that most interfere in my life have been anger management, conflict avoidance, the walling off and denial of physical and emotional pain until it causes an emergency, low self-esteem, difficulty developing healthy intimate relationships, social and personal anxiety. The good news is that I have been able to develop healthy behaviors to replace many of these problems. The one I am still having problems with is the denial and walling off of physical and emotional pain. It took me 51 years to even realize that this was a problem!
In spite of the way my life started, I have had a lot of fun and happiness in my life. Letting go of blame was the first step of my path to a better life. There are still days and situations that are overwhelming, but it is a lot better than it used to be.