HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Anxiety vent thread.

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1 23
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 2/13/2012 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

What is the med that you think is increasing your anxiety?
Remember, we HAVE TO keep pushing on in order to show this demon exactly who is boss. We can't continue to let it rule us, we have to make it clear that we are the ones in charge. I know it's hard sometimes, and when you feel like that, GET THE PLATES OUT LADY, and toss away!!! LOL!
OK that said, on to my rant for the day......



Anxiety AND panic,

I am winning this battle with you, every day, one step at a time. We'll see who gets to the finish line first! You may knock me down sometimes, but as I said before, God will never let me fall. He ALWAYS picks me back up, and every time I get back up, I am stronger!!! You have one hell of a fight on your hands this time, and I promise you, I WILL win! Just like every other time you so rudely interupted my life, I always won! Get the hint, this is a battle you will lose every time! I am STRONG! I am BEAUTIFUL! I am WOMAN! Hear me ROAR! LOL!!! (had to put that in there)
Posted 2/13/2012 7:08 PM (GMT 0)
Foxy,

The med is Rilatin and it is a stimulant which we were hoping would lift my depression symptoms.  cry

Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 2/13/2012 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
Awww! Sorry to hear it's not working for you Kitt. Isn't the Zoloft taking care of your depression along with anxiety? Have you tried Welbutrin with the Zoloft? They say that helps some people. I hope you get it figured out soon....

((hugs)) Fox
Posted 2/14/2012 4:39 PM (GMT 0)
I hate this.

Anxiety is perpetually threatening to rule my life, and in some ways I've let it. There are days when I think that I can't even handle working a regular job anymore and consider applying for disability or something. But I know that it comes with a great price. If I do that, if I let it take my own abilities and productivity away from me, I'm just worsening the problem. I'll have no feeling of satisfaction or gratification from my own efforts... no iota of self-sufficiency, and then I'll just keep spiraling into depression and anxiety, and I don't need feelings of no self-worth to add to this pile.

Anxiety, I shake my fist angrily at you. >:[
Posted 2/14/2012 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
I like this idea, to be able to vent....

So here it goes...As I was coming home today from a 20 minute errand and having a bad panic attack the whole time that started as I was getting ready to leave, I knew this would be the one that would define me, or at least control my future life.  I've had cripling panic and agoraphobia in the past and then got better and was able to work, travel, go out to a restraunt to eat, eat normal, etc.  The panic attacks are getting worse and the old techniques are not working.  My thoughts overtake my body and I can't control them.  I use to be able to visualize myself, home, with a cup of tea curled up on my couch & it worked.  Now, they are so physical, I can't control them, the fear just feeds itself without much effort from me.  I have strange ways I have to do things so I can function in life and I know it sometimes annoys people or they just don't understand.  I feel stupid for it.  I'm "known" for my anxiety-nothing important, just anxiety.  Once I have one panic attack, I think about the next one, if I'm ever in that same situation(or something similar).   I rely on benzos and anti-nausea medication.  I'm afraid of taking an anti-depressant because I'm afraid of nausea(which I had when I tried one).   

I'm just so sick of the fear.  It takes away from my life, things I want to do or things I should do.  I want to be known for something worthwhile, not anxiety-that makes me seem weak. 

I want to take a year off from everything and stay in and nurture myself with vitamins, eating healthy, yoga, exercise, relaxation, hobbies, walks, nature.  I don't want to work anymore(do my 2 jobs that I have).  I don't want to have to worry anymore. 

That's all for now I guess.

Posted 2/16/2012 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
A day in the life of a "what if?" thinker !

I odered a new PC computer system - the whole shebang !  It came this morning and now the what if thinking kicks in.

My son is coming over on Sunday , 2/26 to put the new system together.

He is bringing his 8 year old - my precious granddaughter who is one very busy little girl and likes to cling to her Daddy. She is also super active and is used to being the center of attraction.

We have a 90 lb Doberman who my granddaughter is afraid of unless he is locked behind a gate.  Of course this causes the dog to bark as he is not used to being stuck in a place where he can see us and not be loose.

My hubby is very poor about noticing these things and does not intervene in helping keep the dog or our granddaughter busy and away from the assembly area.

I know all of this commotion will cause me to feel very anxious and I will feel like crying because I am so anxious.  And I know this how, because it happens over and over. 

So I am already into the "what if ?" thinking and wishing my son could come over alone ( guilt for wishing that) and that my husband would be more helpful in helping keeping things simple.

Anxiety you are not my best friend. 

Kitt confused

Posted 2/16/2012 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt I can relate to you on the what if thinking and agree it is a real pain. If only we could stop these thoughts coming into our heads and not have all the negative thinking we would be much happier turn turn .

I had a job interview this morning and I was in a right mess on route to the interview I felt physical sick and thought I was going to throw up at any point. By the time I had got to the interview I had already come to the conclusion I was not going to get the job.

Anxiety you really are not our friends so if you could vacate the building it would be appreciated and no we don't want a postcard nono


Hibee
Posted 2/16/2012 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt, what if you invited a friend over also to help you with your granddaughter?  Is that a possibility?  Or make a play date for her somewhere during that time.  The GOOD side of what-if thinking is that you can usually be prepared because you have to think out every possible scenario.  I think people with anxiety disorders tend to be very prepared and organized, oh and intelligent(I read this in a book, it's a statistic). tongue

Anyway, feeling ok at this moment.  Felt panicky this morning, took xanax, yay!  Drugs!  Want people to understand but don't want to seem weak or crazy.

I want to take my life back too!  I want to do what's best for my health right now!!! 
And I think I know what that might be!  I'll keep posting about it as things unfold.

Going to try to get out and do some errands without having a panic attack!

Posted 2/17/2012 6:38 AM (GMT 0)
OMGosh,

Hibee what a great idea!! What a rollercoaster we all ride... Have been on Zoloft 10 weeks and have for the most part been feeling better. But the last couple of days my anxiety and PA's have been horrible shakehead . I'm not sure whats going on confused . Maybe it is time for an increase in meds., but that brings on more anxiety because I don't like taking it in the first place. I am so tired of suffering with Anxiety and all that goes with it !!!! I AM SO DONE !!! I refuse to let it win any longer. Maybe when menopause finally leaves me alone, then maybe the anxiety and PA's and depression, and so on and so on and so on will leave me alone too! rolleyes Anxiety is like a tornado I think, because it dosen't care who it destroys!!! I pray everyday that God will take the anxiety out of my life for good so that I can feel like myself again. Hey, ANXIETY... Buzz Off !!!

Blessings, Michelle

**SIGH** That felt so good tongue

Posted 2/17/2012 8:54 AM (GMT 0)
Michelle

Yes it is nice to have a place were you can just get things of your chest. Vent away people.

Hibee
Posted 2/17/2012 3:25 PM (GMT 0)
It is good to have a place to come and vent.  :-)

"What if ?" thinking, I have a plan for the day my son is going to assemble my new computer.

Lucky for me my daughter owns a boarding kennel so our dog is going to spend next Saturday and Sunday having a spa weekend. 

My daughter is also going to try to arrange to take our granddaughter out with her on the 26th  to keep her occupied. 

Anxiety,  I know how to calm you down and I am going to be ready for you to try to sneak up on me. 

Kitt

Posted 2/18/2012 4:55 AM (GMT 0)
My colon surgeon has just brought in a third surgeon. I brought in a second. One is putting protective sheaths on delicate organs and connections. The second is removing ovaries and the third is doing a j-pouch reconstruction. Surgery is March 8. The visual of six hands operating on me has taken me back to PTSD days. I fly off the handle at any conflict no matter how small, I am stuffing myself with food, Iam very depressed. I am also very, very lonely. I wish my husband was understanding. I desperately miss my children. They have their own homes and lives. They always make me feel very loved and valued. I wish they were here.
Posted 2/18/2012 5:06 AM (GMT 0)
SZM,

I have been wondering about you. I am so sorry to hear that you are needing more surgery? Or is this past trauma that is bothering you currently? Either way, I know that it's not good.

I am sorry that you are feeling depressed and alone. I am sure that you do have the support of your family, though sometimes it feels otherwise.

My e-mail is always open to you if you need to talk and connect on the down and lonely days.

S.C.
Posted 2/18/2012 5:44 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your generous offer. If I cannot lift myself out of this, I will contact you. I do not want to burden you. Are you sure it is ok?
It turned out the ever increasing abdominal pain may be caused by tumorous ovaries. Both are the size of lemons when they should be the size of almonds. Instead of having three surgeries, I was able to combine two of the surgeries.
I was doing fine until a third surgeon was brought in. All of a sudden I keep reliving two events from my childhood, rape and attempted murder. I am mystified by the connection.
What could these kind and experienced men have to do with the villains of my childhood? BTW Both of my villains were caught and punished.
My family is probably trying to be very supportive, although my puppy does not like me crying into her fur. I just cannot seem to feel it because of the physical pain. I should just up the oxycodone dosage but I do not want to become a blithering idiot.
I have occasional hours of happiness. I flew down to southern California to spend a day playing in the ocean. I had a hilarious make-over by a stylist. I was given a fake tan, blonde hair (I am a brunette), tight white capris, a lovely diaphanous linen sweater and very high heeled sandals. My husband couldn't stop laughing. We settled on auburn hair with gold highlights. When I have the strength to do it my hair it looks more cheerful. I think I like the new color.

Post Edited (Subzeromambo) : 2/17/2012 10:51:54 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/18/2012 6:21 AM (GMT 0)
I can see the connection very clearly...surgery is invasive and can be traumatic, even it it something that is going to ultimately heal you...at the time you are completely vulnerable and literally open to everything/one!

So I get where that would be a huge trigger for what you have gone through.

Your trip does sound fun, and I am glad that you got a reprieve for a bit:) Sounds like you were truly a So Cal girl for awhile...they are not known for their subtley!

...and yes the offer offer is always open, and no it is not a burden...who can have too many e-mail friends?

Hugs,
S.C.
Posted 2/18/2012 6:52 AM (GMT 0)
This may be a crazy connection. The woman who tried to drown me, my mother, thought she was doing a good thing. She thought she was saving me from more violence.
I have a niggling worry that a surgeon might do me harm in the name of "saving" me. Even just writing this gave me breathing problems.
I know this is silly. I wish my life had not been so dramatic. My mind is a convoluted mess. I want so much to just feel normal, to be able to have the ups and downs of life without having these memory boulders crashing into everything.
I wish I could figure out the value of the things I've lived through. To turn the negatives into positives. I used to put on a facade of normal the way I would put on a costume. Now adays I am just letting everything hang out, so to speak. Maybe this is the next step of really healing? Thank you for letting me vent. I really needed it.
Posted 2/18/2012 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
SZM,

First of all, lots of hugs....nothing you  could ever say would sound silly.  These are your very own unique feelings so let them out right here.  We will never judge you.

Can I borrow your phrase?  "My mind is a convoluted mess!"  It says so perfectly how I feel about my own mind.  You are never alone and thank you for sharing  your "trip" to the ocean with us.  I love the ocean and live in a land locked state.  smhair It made me smile.

Keep on venting as that is why we have this great thread.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

 

Posted 2/20/2012 6:19 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Kitt,
I am glad the description is useful for you. I spent three hours floating and swimming in the salt water. The ocean by San Diego is so full of salt that you can float without even trying. I try to create short memories that become memory pearls that I can recall when things are bad and I am stuck in bed for weeks. It is sort of like stacking up good events in a memory bank.
Thank you also for the hugs. It really helps to know I am not alone.
Cynthia
Posted 2/28/2012 8:08 PM (GMT 0)
Anxiety ye pure dornt nae when tae lit me gie some brain new rest. Ah am tae wabbit tae deal wi' ye the-day please gang.

Sorry just a bit of a vent in my native Scots. Its been a bad day.


Hibee
Posted 2/28/2012 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
B,

I am sorry to hear that you are having a bad day:( I do have to say that is the coolest rant I have read in awhile though! I would love to hear it spoken, as I am only guessing at some of the words...do you mind giving a translataion?

I hope that the anxiety cools it and leaves you alone soon! I am sending calming and positive thoughts and vibes you way!

Take care my friend,
S.C.
Posted 2/28/2012 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi SC

Thanks for the positive thoughts. It translates as " Anxiety why don't you let me get some rest. I am feeling really tired will you please go".


Hibee
Posted 2/28/2012 10:34 PM (GMT 0)
Ah!...okay, I was close...but it does sound so much cooler your way;)

The wabbit was throwing me off...I was thinking surely that has nothing to do with rabbit...as in (Elmer Fudd) 'wasculwy wabbit', Lol!

Do something to help yourself feel better today. I just made a couple of new Pandora stations on my phone and thought my music loving friend across the pond...'Queen Radio', 'David Bowie Radio', and 'Pumped up Kicks' which is cool...heard a new Pheonix song that I really like on that today.:)

Thanks for the Scots lesson;p

S.C.
Posted 2/29/2012 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
I want to vent again!! 

I'm sitting here on my couch, on the computer and I all of a sudden start to feel a ton of anxiety, panic and nausea.  Why???  I'm safe at home.  What's triggering a panic attack at home.  For me, sometimes smells trigger panic or even the remembrance of a smell-so frustrating!!!  Feeling like this right now makes me feel like I will never get better.  How can I get a handle on my own body and take control back??  Usually at this point, I should be getting up and "doing" something.  So I think I will try that to experiement and see if the panic subsides. 

Thank goodness for supportive family.  I can't hardly get to the store and feel like I might not even be able to do that soon.  Let's see, what should I get up and do???

Will reply later...

Thanks for listening. 

Posted 2/29/2012 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
Ok, well I did get up and 'DO' something.  But I also took some anxiety meds too but I think getting up and doing something helped even more and a little quicker.  I thought of going through my workout videos and doing some warm-ups or something but I decided to play Wii bowling instead.  But as I sit back down, I feel my anxiety wanting to return.  So I need to get back up and get active again.  But while I was playing, it made me feel human again(think from those endorphins), connected to my husband of times we play together, and made me feel like I would be alright.  I even beat my score!!!  I don't really want to but I think, now I will sit and figure out my budget and pay a couple bills and see if there's any money leftover to get a new Wii game.  I saw a bunch at the drug store for $20 each and there were several different ones.  

Ok, so a few things to move in a more positive direction-get up and do something, even just a little active & enjoyable, planning something to look forward to(buying a new game), and going out and getting it later(a small-well for me a large accomplishment).  Going into a store and buying something is huge for me right now as I have a ton of anxiety doing that lately.  Oh, and if I get bills paid that will be a household accomplishment.  So at the end of the day I could look back and say it was a successful day.  And honestly, it's days like that, that keep me going, give me hope and make me happy.  I have more work to do.  Like I've said in another thread, I have tons of books on anxiety/panic.  Well last week I went to my bookshelf to grab one of them and start reading it.  We just moved back into our home so I haven't had a chance to organize my bookshelf but they're all just put on there in no paticular order.  So I thought I'd just grab the first one I saw.  Well, it happens to be "Master Your Panic And Take Back Your Life" by Denise Beckfield.  It's a 12 step treatment program for panic, anxiety, and agoraphobia-Exactly what I need right now.  I had started reading it before but with me, I love books but get a little bored with them and want to move onto another one.  So if I just focus on going through the whole book, it should benefit me at least a little.  And I have the time now so I'm going to do!! 

I guess I just have hope that this isn't it for me, I will get better, get some relief.  I don't mind being home-have lots I want to do at home so I'm not looking at my agoraphobia as an all bad thing.  Even though I do get scared that I will get worse, I can barely go grocery shopping right now and just hate to burden other people, but at least I do have people that will help me out.  I'm still able to get out for walks at least which are very peaceful for me.  It's raining today so can't today.

Anyway, going to get on with my goals for the day....

Posted 2/29/2012 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
Great vents Orchid!...but even better are the steps and goals that you are making for yourself. This is a great way to get things done, and start to feel better without getting overwhelmed.

Keep us posted and let us know if that book has been helpful to you:)


S.C.
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
123