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Panic feels out of control

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Posted 2/15/2012 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
Today's wednesday.  I've had 2 pretty bad panic attacks this week.  The first one was triggered by the smell from the meat department at the store-made me nauseated.  Hurried through the check-out and rushed out of the store and got home.  It didn't get so severe that I had to pull over.  But the one yesterday did.  It didn't go away until I got home.  It was only a short errand.  Now I fear my agoraphobia will keep me home bound except for small, short errands into town.  I have to make a decision whether to do my cleaning jobs this week or not.  I just want to quit because I don't want to deal with panic and being away from home.

I don't have anyone to talk to who understands what I'm going through.  I've been on 2 forums and can't find a lot of support, just nice to know I'm not alone I guess.  But I just feel lost.  Maybe I haven't tried everything but things I have tried aren't working.  I guess the best thing that has worked for me is exposure.  The more I expose myself to situations and am ok, then my brain is convinced that I won't panic.  That's how I can still function with agoraphobia.  But the panic attacks are getting more frequent and more intense and I don't want to leave the house(well I do, but I don't want to have to unless it's my choice and I have the choice to come home when I want).

Should I quit work right now?  Don't know what to do......

Posted 2/15/2012 4:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Orchid:)

I did respond to your other post again, so you may want to check that out too!

If you don't mind me asking? How long have you been in therapy? I think that if you have not been in for a very long time, that you will start to see results soon...and you should hang in there if you possibly can.

Panic attacks are really scary and uncomfortable, but they can't hurt you. I would hate to see you give up your job and way of supporting yourself for an attack that may or may not happen at work...and if it does, you can take a break, sit and breathe, and let is pass.

I used to have them daily, so yes I've weathered them at work, and made it through. You are right about exposure...the more you face the fear and survive it, the less power is has! Therefore, quitting your job would be a step in the opposite direction.

Ultimately the decision is up to you, but I think that with continued efforts in therapy, the things I mentioned in the other post, and those books that you are going to order...things are going to improve for you!:)

Keep posting with us too, it helps to talk with those who share similar struggles.

Talk to you soon,
S.C.
Posted 2/15/2012 5:15 PM (GMT 0)
Orchid,

I am so sorry you are suffering with panic attacks lately. They can be totally overwhelming, and start to take over. It's an evil cycle we get stuck in after a while. No fun at all!

As far as your work is concerned, that is totally up to you and how you feel, no one can, or should, tell you to quit your job. You have to do what you feel is necessary to ease your anxiety and panic. 

I was in a similar situation, and was basically given the choice to voluntarily resign my position, or get fired for missing too much work. The doc had pulled me out on disability twice, each time for a month. Oh, BTW I was a school bus driver! shocked   So imagine my panic when i'd have them while driving my bus, it was total hell!

I was so worried because I had these kids on my bus, and I was totally responsible for their safety, and I found myself in a constant state of the "what if" thinking.....like what if I pass out while i'm driving, or what if they notice that i'm panicking and think it's something serious..... a ton of thoughts would run through my mind every day, and every day I would get worse while driving. Finally it came to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore, and I resigned.

I still get pretty anxious while i'm driving somewhere, so I take a xanax about a half hour before I have to leave and that usually gets me through. I remember one time when I was driving with my hubby, I had to pull over on the highway and let him drive because I was panicking so bad. Thank God he was with me or I would have been sitting on the side of the road for a while.

I totally understand your fears while driving, I can only go about 10-15 minutes away from where I live without getting anxious without taking anything. Thank God everything is fairly close! But when I go visit my mom, she lives about 40 miles away, so I definately need a xanax before I leave because it's ALL highway to get there the quickest way. I could take the back roads but it seems to take forever to get there. LOL!

The CBT you're doing is good, and that really helps alot. The more you go somewhere that you've experienced anxiety or panic, the more you realize that you are ok! If you have an attack there, stay there and let it run it's course. The more you do this, the easier it will be to get over your "fear" of that particular place. I know, easier said than done, but hey we have to try. 

Do you have any medications that you can take when you feel the anxiety and panic coming on? Also, do you do any deep breathing while you're having an attack? That REALLY helps to calm you down, and slow your heart rate.

Please keep us posted on your progress, and continue to share your problems with us. You will find a lot of great people here that will support you through anything.

Take care,  Fox

 

Posted 2/15/2012 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you again for your response.  I know you're right about not giving up on things.  I have a tendency to do that.  But what I would love, is to not have to work and be able to have the freedom to focus on my mental health-with exercise, relaxation, supplements, and leaving the house to go places on my own time table-do my own sort of 'exposure therapy'.  That's what I really want to do but I know we need the money so I may stick it out.

I have been in therapy for quite a while.  It's only through the county so I don't know that they are as good as someone else I could be seeing.  We do have insurance but it only covers 80% and going through the county is the cheapest.  I've gone through several therapists-they move on to another job and a few of them say they do CBT but all I really do when I go is just talk, which I guess can be helpful.  But I don't get any real direction and I leave there with knowledge that I already came up with on my own.  So it leaves me wondering why I'm paying for something that I can figure out myself.  But I just wonder if I can direct the therapy more.  Any tips on what I could talk about or work on?  Just wondering what others work on in therapy and what results they have.

Posted 2/15/2012 5:33 PM (GMT 0)
Fox7,

Thanks for your response.  I could never be a school bus driver.  That's exactly how I felt when I was driving my nieces to play practice-"what-if, what-if...".  I even pulled over once and said I had to check the tires!  The lies we tell in order to hide our weakness.  I knew I was feeling anxiety before I left but there was no way out of it.  I did take xanax before I left(in stages) but when I'm having such a bad attack, the xanax doesn't seem to help.  What helps is getting to my safe place-home.  The fresh air helped when I got out of the car. 

I take xanax and at this point I need it everyday but can vary the amount daily depending on how I'm feeling and what's going on.  I usually take one before I leave the house but yesterday it didn't seem to help.  I also take an anti-nausea(compazine) as needed.  I was taking that everyday when I realized it was making me feel kind of depressed-it's a dopamine blocker so I figured it was constantly blocking my dopamine.  I still take it but I try not to take it as often. 

I'm sorry you had to quit your job.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this dilema.  I don't make that much money a week-only have a couple cleaning jobs.  I think somehow, we could get by.  It's just that I don't want to feel like a failure.  I don't want to let people down.  The one job I have is one of the best jobs I could ever have-they're super nice, it's flexible, they're house is pretty clean and set in a beautiful country lot-beautiful views from the windows.  I'm thinking of seeing if someone could fill in for me for a while.  I haven't talked to my cleaning job yet about my panic disorder.  I may talk to my husband tonight about things.  I may just call in sick this week to give me more time to think things through. 

Anyway, so much to think about.  Thank you so much for your support. 

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