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Another horrible weekend - anxiety/panic on high

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Posted 2/25/2012 9:36 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sitting here at the computer because it's the only "med" that seems to work for me. I've been experiencing terrible anxiety/panic for a few weeks now and it seemed to come out of nowhere (even though there are some family issues that are bothering me.) But I've had lots of other issues before and never experienced such debilitating anxiety that I just can't escape. I talk to myself all the time and try to calm down but it creeps right back in and the heart starts pounding, the mind starts racing and all I can think is bad thoughts. I keep thinking maybe I have some rare brain disease or something....since I've always been a hypochondriac it's hard for me NOT to think something physical is behind this. I should know better, as I've had these bouts many times during my life (I'm now 64) but for years they would go away completely. I did talk with Kitt about getting blood work done to see if I have a thyroid problem but so far haven't done it - think I will bite the bullet this week and have it checked out since I certainly have all the symptoms. Anyway, just needed to vent in order to put things in perspective. Plus, I have to go to a dinner party at my boss' house tonite which I DO NOT want to do, but really can't get out of. I sit there trying to force food down and thinking "if anyone here knew how horrible I felt they'd probably lock me up." But I just grin and bear it and come home and really fall apart. My youngest son is home from college this weekend too and I hate to let him know how I'm feeling as I know it would worry him alot....sooooo put on the brave face for him too and hope it will pass. Thanks for listening....I know you all have your own share of this ugly affliction...that's why I can let loose on this great forum.
Posted 2/25/2012 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
Vent away andwes...it is theraputic to get it out, and know that you have friends here who understand. I am sorry that you have to go out when you are not feeling well. Can you do some mental and physical preparation before you have to go? Maybe get some exercise to burn off any adrenaline, and follow it up with some breathing and relaxation? Also try some positive visualization...picture yourself having a symptomless, good time tonight.

Negative thoughts of dread are hard to avoid when we are feeling anxious and down, but if they can be countered with positive ones, the fear loses it's stronghold!

I will be sending positive and encouraging thoughts your way for the rest of the weekend. I do hope that you will get through tonight with no issues, and that you can enjoy the rest of your visit with your son.

Let us know how tonight goes, and how you are doing soon!:)

S.C.
Posted 2/26/2012 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the kind words...they really mean alot. Well I got through it and actually it was somewhat therapeutic for a time. I still had anxious thoughts throughout the night but for the most part I actually enjoyed myself....I don't think anyone would ever know the mental turmoil I've been going through lately....but that's always the case with anxiety...most of us do a great job of hiding it even when we feel completely disjointed in our heads. I was even doing good driving home but got slammed again this morning when I awoke. I do take your advice and try and think positive thoughts and it usually works for a short while until relentless anxiety pops up again. But I'll keep fighting, fighting as I've done all my life during these bad times and hope that eventually I'll get back to being myself. Hopefully all of you reading this can keep fighting too...it seems so unfair that we're dealt this hand but then I watch a segment on TV like the one this morning where a star athlete got hit with Lou Gerhrigs disease and I try to put my own cross in perspective.
Posted 2/26/2012 6:48 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, I would rather deal with my anxiety than to have that type of disease.  Scary!

I too have been hit hard lately with anxiety and panic attacks.  They've been gradually getting worse I've noticed so I must be doing something to feed the fear.  Mine also comes and goes in about 2 year increments, anxiety for 2 years, well for 2 years-approx.  Well I've been dealing with this bout of anxiety for 3 years and it is getting worse.  Now I'm afraid to leave the house unless it's under extrememly controlled circumstances, meaning, I decide where, how far, when, and how long I'm gone.  It's been kind of ruining my life lately, feel like I'm putting every out cause I can't do as much as before.  But what I want right now is to just take a time out to focus on my health-physical and mental.  I don't want to have to be responsible for anyone-well except to clean, cook, and pay the bills.  I don't want any commitments right now because I will just make an excuse to get out of it.  I just need to focus on healing!

Anyway, keep us posted on how you're doing.  We can all relate in one from or another, even though anxiety is different for everyone.  It's nice when you can vent and no one thinks you're crazy because they've all been through it too. 

Posted 2/27/2012 11:00 AM (GMT 0)
I have to admit I love these words of encouragement....they seem to be the only thing that make me feel calm...even if only for a little while. I sometimes feel like I'm my own worst enemy. Once I start feeling anxious it just snowballs, and even when I think I'm feeling better I start obsessing about feeling anxious again so I'm really always in some form of ankst...either real or of my own making. I hate always being conscious of NOT feeling normal and wonder if I'll ever be back to being myself. I try so hard to hide it from everyone because I've always been in control and I think it would devastate my three boys (even though they're grown) to think Mom is now"whacky." I also am amazed at how quickly anxiety can come back into your life and debilitate you so completely. A month ago I felt like I could conquer the world and now my mind seems to be conquering me. And being cursed with health anxiety I start to think it's got to be something physical, like a brain tumor or other devastating disease. All I say is God please give me strength to get through this day - and usually I do but what a struggle it is.
Posted 2/27/2012 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
I totally see myself in your words. I've been having anxiety for a few years-I think because of some things that happened with family-stress. But I have been able to function just fine-enough for me anyway. I have noticed it gradually getting worse for whatever reason. And I was getting panic attacks a couple times a month but still able to go places. Just a few weeks ago I was thinking of getting another cleaning job, now I'm debating wheter to take a break from my 1 that I have. It all happened with 1 severe panic attack-and my world changed. It doesn't seem possible that you can have it together one minute, then the next you feel so out of control. I feel like if I can exercise I will start to feel better. I have this thinking that I will gain back some control of my body or something.

I think all of us are strong to be able to live with such anxiety. It is very difficult to keep going on with your days, weeks, months despite how we feel. Some of us can get over them completely and some of us just have a measure of relief. I know I can live with a certain amount of anxiety and that's ok for me. But right now, it's just not an acceptable level for me so I really want to work on it. I've kind of been consumed with the decision of quitting my job right now so I haven't been able to focus on my health and implement any positive changes yet. So we'll see.

Hang in there and hang onto any hope you might have. That's all we have sometimes.
Posted 2/27/2012 2:15 PM (GMT 0)
I feel for you Orchid, I truly do.  And I relate to so many of the things that YOU say too.  Right now I'm in a very self-imposed destructive mode I guess you could say.  I'm so terrified ever since this anxiety/panic suddenly bombarded me a few weeks ago that I can't stop worrying about it - it consumes my mind even when I'm NOT particularly stressed...it's always on my mind, that fear or dread which goes along with anxiety/panic and I can't seem to think clearly, rationally, or more importantly - happily - because this dread is always in the background.  I wake up in the morning and practically JUMP out of bed because the bad thoughts are there, the heart pounds and I run to take my meds for some relief.  I'm only on half of a .5 Xanax and Toprol for my BP but I'm now taking the Xanax three times a day instead of just in the morning (that's what was originally prescibed a long time ago but I've only needed the morning dose up to now).  Anyway, I would just LOVE to learn how to turn off negative thoughts about this illness because it only compounds the problem.  Being a hypochondriac all my life, I sometimes feel like I'm a hypo about anxiety too - and bring the darn episodes on myself.  What a struggle.  But I still force myself to work, do the things I need to do and when I do, I sometimes feel better for awhile.  But it doesn't last.  This forum actually seems to be my best form of therapy and I hope it is for you too.                           
Posted 2/27/2012 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
This forum has been helping me too. I have talked to my husband and a few people who are close to me about my anxieties getting worse. And they are being supportive but I know they can't completely understand and I don't want to come across as needy or bring them down so I try to remain positive. Which, in a way I do feel positive that I can overcome this, at least to a degree. I HAVE to hold onto that otherwise I'd go into such a depression.

I wonder, you said your anxiety comes and goes? What has helped it in the past? And do you have anything that you are going to try to do right now, things to work on? Just curious what helps you. Do you feel hope that you can get a handle on it again and start to feel better?

I'm not sure where you are at but here it is still wintery weather but spring is coming soooo soon! The spring birds are due to come back next week and I put that in my calander each year and is something I look forward to. I like to feed the birds outside. So I can focus on that-if I can get to a store to buy some seed. And I guess I have some hope with the days soon to get a little nicer of going for long walks, working in the yard, maybe getting completely immersed in growing herbs this year(I have some projects that I want to do with herbs and possibly sell some stuff). So even though I'm feeling completely miserable and watching my world crumble around me I'm holding onto some things that bring me joy. That's the only thing keeping me going right now.

I'm also taking xanax. I've been taking it for years. At first when I was put on it, it seemed like my miracle, it helped so much. I was taking up to 1.5mg a day, needing all of it at first then being able to cut back. Then I was able to go off it completely except for half a pill once in a while for anxiety. Then my anxieties got real bad again and the 1.5 mg wasn't cutting it anymore and my doctor upped my dose to 2 mg a day. I don't always need to take that much and try not to. I think it has become less effective. And I fear that the 2 mg a day will stop working. I don't want to take anymore than that for fear of withdrawal complications. And one of my panic attacks wasn't even affected by taking xanax ahead of time. The xanax didn't even cut down the symptoms at all. I didn't have relief from the panic until I got home. So it leaves me scared that If I'm away from home and I have panic, the xanax won't help it. So I haven't gone far from home since.

Keep posting how you're doing. And thanks for your support as well.
Posted 2/27/2012 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone I am new to this forum. I have been suffering from anxiety for about a month now and am scared!! it all happened when me and my boyfriend had an argument and i just cant forget what happen. I don't know why i tried but i can't forget what he did. Everyday i wake up the same thing is on my mind i just cant get it off am so scared. I don't have as much racing thoughts and the racing heart beat has reduced but when I get worried I get this tingling feeling and am scared. I don't feel like myself!! Some times I feel like am never gonna get over this. I really don't want to have to remember this every day.

Post Edited (Fashionstar22) : 2/27/2012 8:16:13 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/27/2012 3:26 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry you are having bad anxiety - and that's what it is. You're not going crazy or any of those other negative feelings I imagine you're having right now. But I do know that I have recurring bad thoughts that I just can't get off my mind and they drive me crazy too. It's the worst for me in the morning too. There will be some thought that just goes over and over in my mind and I try everthing to make it stop - and sometimes I get relief for awhile - and other times it just comes back. Right now I'm consumed with just thinking about having anxiety again....I can't believe I felt fine for so many years (for the most part) and now I'm back here again with anxiety consuming my every thought. I'm now back on .25 m of Xanax three times a day instead of just once and I hate that I need to do it. In one of the posts I read, the moderator mentioned a hormone that's very prevalent in the morning and can be the cause of severe morning anxiety which I definitely have. But trust me - it eventually does get better just like YOU will get better. Keep posting on here for support and encouragement and it will happen - but it's a slow process. Believe it or not, I think those of us with anxiety are alot stronger than many other people ouit there - we have to live life, work, care for families, etc., etc., and STILL deal with this never ending burden of anxiety - so maybe we should pat oiurselves on the back more often.
Posted 2/27/2012 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Fashionstar and welcome,

First of all, I hope that you are safe. I don't know what happened during the fight with your boyfriend (and don't need to, it may be personal) but it has definitely left you shaken up. I sincerely hope that if you were the vicitim of any type of abuse, that you seek immediate help.

With that said...I am sorry to hear of the lasting anxiety that you are experiencing. Emotional issues can surely bring it on, and sometimes it just puts in its stubborn roots, and tries to stay for awhile.

I started having anxiety issues and panic after an emotional struggle within our family. I didn't even realize what stress I was under until my first panic attack...so at least you already know your trigger and can start to do something about it.

We have a Resource Guide that has a lot of self-help ideas here. It is on the main page, 2nd post down and it's called the Anxiety-Panic Recources. You may find some things that are helpful there.

You may also need more help in the form of medication/therapy. This is where your doctor should be consulted. He/she will help you to make an informed decision on what is best for you.:)

Keep posting with us. We understand and are here to listen and support!

Take care and be safe,

Scaredy Cat
Posted 2/27/2012 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks andwes and sacredy cat but its hard not to think your'e going crazy when you wake up everyday with the same thing on your mind. Every time I see a picture of my ex-boy friend i start to panic and i sweat and my heart start beating fast. Last night I did not sleep well because i went on face book and saw a picture with him and a girl! I just want to forget about him and move on but its hard i don't know why i cant forget that what scares me the most!! I try to be very active as possible during the day so i can get it off my mind but its hard!! I hope there is help for me i want my life back!!
Posted 2/27/2012 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
If you don't mind me asking a personal question.... Did you guys break up over the argument? Don't have to answer if you don't want to.

You are NOT crazy!! If you were, then the rest of us would be crazy too and I think we would all come together and say that we just are NOT crazy. Our brain chemicals are just not firing the way they should right now and it's just because we all have imperfect bodies and live in an imperfect world. There is no one to blame, not even ourselves for what we go through.

It sounds like, what ever happened is still just so fresh in your mind that you are obsessing over it, which is a normal thing to do. It will take time to deal with your feelings about the situation. That amount of time is different for everyone. Do what you need to do to cope, stay active, do a hobby, go shopping, exercise, buy some chocolate or your favorite magazine or book, whatever makes you feel good and connected to yourself. And just tell yourself that it's "OK" to feel bad right now and to take time to heal.

Do you have anyone to talk to or vent to about your feelings?
Posted 2/27/2012 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Oh thanks so much Orchid221 you make me feel so much better as you
said that!yes I think am obsessing over it I don't want too but I do. I keep thinking like why did he do that to me, he says he didn't do it but i don't believe him!!! The thing is when I told him that he don't love me he says he do, but yet he is in Canada and never called me since he went there he only left messages for my on face book!! I don't think that's good enough. We agreed that we wanted to stay just friends since he was leaving to go to Canada because we know sometimes long distance relationship don't work out. In my heart I really wanted to try to see if it would work but he's like " I CANT PROMISE ANY THING...DO WHAT MAKE YOU HAPPY" like he didnt want us to try and i know if he really loved me he would!! I dont want to think about him i want to find some one else and be happy!! but everyday i wake up i remember what happen that's why am sacred!!! We did't break up over the fight as he went to live in Canada we decide to break of the relationship!! THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNOWS WHAT IS GOING ON IS MY MOM!! I NEED YOU GUYS ADVISE AND SUPPORT VERY MUCH ALL THAT YOU CAN GIVE I NEED IT!!
Posted 2/27/2012 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
So it sounds like you desperately want to stay in the relationship and he doesn't think it's a good idea to have a long distant relationship. You can't make him do something he doesn't want to do. Sometimes being friends with someone you love doesn't work out too well. If you're able to emotionally, you could keep in touch on facebook but it sounds like that might be too hard for you to do.

Although you won't forget about him and may continue to love him you really should get out and spend some time with your friends, try to meet some new people, and yes try to meet a new guy, not necessarily to date but for a distraction. My sister went through a bad break-up and she didn't want it, she wanted him to work on things and he just quit loving her. She couldn't let go and kept asking him what was wrong. The only thing I could tell her to do was to spend time with people as much as she could, even if she felt misarable and sad. After some time you won't feel miserable and sad anymore. Replace that obsessive thinking with new thinking, that you don't even know exists yet. It's a mystery!! :-) It will happen. And keep talking to your Mom. Is she pretty supportive?
Posted 2/29/2012 1:14 PM (GMT 0)
Yes my mom is supportive but sometimes she gets frustrated with me
and she crys!! Sometimes I need to talk to someone else who understands
what am going through. I want to forget about him!! and find someone better in the future who will love me no matter what. I will try my best to
do the things you all suggest would help!! thanks again you guys!!!
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