Hey guys, so it's been a very long time since I posted up on these boards. Part of the reason why was to try and just train myself through the art of autosuggestion that I am ok. Personally for me, coming to this site everyday was a constant reminder that I wasn't "ok". Whatever the hell "ok" really means. Anyway I wanted to come back on here and thank you guys for helping me out through my hardest times where I thought there was no way out and I felt hopeless.
My newest updates? I'm still struggling with anxiety, no surprise there lol. But I have been trying to get a promotion with the same bank that I've been working for, got turned down 4 times for promotions and got myself extremely frustrated. I put out an application to an outside bank for the first time ever about 3 weeks ago. I was just on vacation last week from work when chase bank called me up for an interview so I agreed to go and try it out. The very next day I interviewed with them in what they call a "round robin", it was about me and 12 other people all interviewing for 2 spots. I got offered the job on the spot.
I was so anxious and couldn't believe it, I actually told them I had to think about it at first. Then I realized when I left there how stupid I was not to accept it on the spot and immediately called them back up and accepted the offer of a personal banker. Got myself a nice raise from my current teller position, hopefully the extra income will definitely help! I'm sure it definitely will, that and the fact that I actually feel like I accomplished something and that someone believes in me. All the while I kept getting turned down from my current job for promotions I kept telling myself to keep my head up. I knew I was doing my best and I felt like I was a much better hire then some of the other applicants, but at my current bank now still...it seems like it mattered more whether or not you personally knew the manager. And since I never really covered at the other branches, every spot that would open they seemed to hire somebody from within their own branch or they would go with someone they already predetermined that they liked/wanted.
I'm very excited about the new move to chase, I have about 3 weeks until I start and I haven't been this happy in a loooong time.
Now this brings me to my typical negative complaints though lol. I've tried multiple times to try and work out and my muscles begin to hurt SOOOOO bad. Just the other day in the New York newspaper there was an article about a young New York Met player that I related too all too much. Not in the fact that I played baseball, but in the similarities in our stories in two different industries/jobs. He was 29 when it happened to him and he started struggling with anxiety/depression out of nowhere. All his teammates used to say before that he was always the first guy into work, and the last guy to leave. Always used to be talkative and upbeat. Then all of a sudden he started losing his drive, couldn't get out of bed, would start showing up late, and suffered from extreme muscle tension. This used to be me when I was working 3 years ago, I used to love busting my @ss at work and looked forward to it back then. There was no being scared of my down time, I would just sit around and enjoy relaxing. Nowadays some of these things are still struggles but I do it knowing that #1 its the only way out of this #2 I will become stronger, better, more successful from taking the high road instead of letting this beat me.
My only concern is, like in the sports players case....is the muscle tension lately. 2 weeks ago I started suffering terribly from very bad back pains and siatic pains that rain down my legs. I was limping very bad but it only lasted 3-4 days. I decided 3 days ago to go back to the gym and try and work out. Try and strengthen up my muscles again, thinking that maybe all my lying around and sitting at a desk at the banking job has turned me into a sluggish/tired guy. That it was time to get back to the gym. Everytime I do so though I'm in so much pain that I can't move for days. It's been 3 days and I'm still struggling to put my shirt on or even roll out of bed in the morning because of the pain in my shoulders.
Is there any link between the muscle tension with anxiety causing extremely uncomfortable pain with weightlifting? I used to work out with weights in the past and never really had the pain this bad. Especially since this time I really went with light weights and didn't strain myself all too hard. Between the pain now and the back pain I was having 2 weeks ago, just getting a little worried about the muscle tension. But then again, that's what we do with anxiety, pointless worry. Just looking for some outside advice on this. Thanks