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Anxiety and Depression sets in at Night

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 2/28/2012 6:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone- I am new to teh board I found in in searching for a support group.

I am 25 years old and I feel like I suffer from a bad depression.

I dont have insurance, I have considered going to see a therpist but I cant afford one.

 

Sometimes during the day Ill be fine and happy and craclking witty jokes and then when night time comes I find myself nale to sleep, havin a panic attack and thinkin gof everything wrong. It feels like having a bad dream before I evern go to sleep. Sometimes at Night when my mom goes to sleep ill devide to make ice cream or cookies or somethign to get her just to sit up with me and spending more teim w me, and this makes me hurt more bc my mom is over weight .. adn I feel terrible doing this but I just need someone to sit up with me.  Then after I cry bc I used the food.

 

I do live in a house with my disabled mom, my 90 yr old grandmother who is constantlyh chasing me aroudn making me be her maid and throgh her cane at me when i want to have plans w friends and my 95 yr old grandfather w dementai who used to lvoe to over teh front door at night and makin coffe on tgeh stove and forgettin it... Aroudn the hosue im the only person who cooks, Cleans, does laundry, changes my grandpas diaper etc... plus havin a job. I feel this adds to my anxiety bc i wonder if ill ever live my life.

 

Ive become afraid to live my own life... my latest cast of night depression is i start thinkn of my past and if i did somethign wrong. For example my little sister.. who si now 18 and I have a pretty god relatinship with... I think f the times she was younger and wanted to dollows me around and I woudl get made and make her cry and now it comes back adn makes me cry bc id do anythign to go back in time and spend more timem with her.

 

If he weather is nice I fdall asleep to get away from evertyign adn then i wake up upset i fell asleep bc i wasted a day of my life.

I also had brain surgery 10 yrs ago and waS on teh brink of death.. this has made me extremelyy caucious.. I wont travel much and as much as i want to go into teh citty or hang w friends I will think of every "wat if" scenero adn not go.. my feats of terrisim and murder stop me everytime adn i sit up thinkin about it .

 

I just got a some wat promotion at m ykob to ggo from File clerk to workin in the recovery troom.. its a take now postion since they are goign paperless and icould of been out of a job.. and now im up freaking out that I will screw up..

 

To see others have deperssion .. makes me feel better.. my friends usually laugh it off and tell me im a lost cause...

Posted 2/28/2012 9:21 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

Great to meet you and welcome to the forum. Sorry to here you are having a tough time at the moment but you have found a good support network here and we can relate to what you are going through so you are not alone. I would go and speak with your doctor and see what advice they can offer.

There are medications which can help with the symptoms of anxiety and might be worth looking into talking therapy such as CBT which gets good results with people who have anxiety. Check out this webpage www.moodgym.com this is a free CBT wed site and you can work through it at your own pace.

Please do keep posting and let us know how you are getting on. Take Care

Hibee
Posted 2/28/2012 9:31 AM (GMT 0)
Wow, your friends seem like they are not supportive and don't understand what you are going through. You should make them understand that what you're going through isn't something that you can just shrug off and them telling you that you're a lost cause probably makes you feel worse about yourself, which is not good. If your friends are not understanding and supportive then you should not talk to them about what you're going through, you should confide in someone else or maybe write in a journal.

If you cannot afford a therapist, why don't you apply for medical insurance?

Also, you may be afraid to live your own life because you're too busy taking care of everyone else's. You probably have become comfortable in your own environment and if you were to leave that you would feel lost because that's what you're use to.

By the way, whenever you think about the past, try to think about something else because thinking about the past will only cause you to be sad. The past is the past. Leave it alone. I know easier said than done but it will be more healthier for you to not think about it. Thinking about the past will only cause you pain. You have a good relationship with your sister now so the past doesn't matter. Everyone has treated their siblings unfairly when they were younger, I'm sure. So, don't feel so bad.
Posted 2/28/2012 10:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hon you need medication. You also need help, I mean help at the house. You can call social services and tell them you do all the cooking, cleaning, and caring for grandpa and you need help because you also work. Your grandmother probably has a form of dementia, and needs medication too. She should go to the doctor. You also need to apply for medical insurance. If you go to church, go to your pastor and talk to him as you can't afford a therapist. Point is you need help, before it eats you up. The road is not pretty if you don't get help, trust me. I know on personal experience, after my brother was killed in action. And your thinking of terrorism, don't worry about it. You have tons of military personnel in every state who will fight for you. And the war isn't even in our country. I know how long it takes to have soldiers go over there and come home. I'm in the Gold Star family. Do you know what that means? It means families unite whom lost soldiers in war as one family to survive. I didn't lose a soldier, I lost TWO soldiers of three in a war that shouldn't have even been started. The two who died, died in the same explosion. I know those chilling footsteps with Causality Assistant Officers knocking on your door. I know I made it through their deaths, and I'm still here. So I know you can too. You can't keep thinking of the past. Look to the future
Posted 2/28/2012 5:50 PM (GMT 0)
Paralyzedbyhim

Hello and welcome to HealingWell.  My first thought when reading your post was " I wonder how old this member is?"  I say that because you are living at home and I hope you are talking with your Mom about how you are feeling. 

You have received great advise from the other members who have posted here and I agree that contacting social services to step in and provide services to your Mom, who is disabled and for your Grandmother who appears to be a vulnerable adult would be a very wise decision. Who takes care of things on the home front when you are working ?

It feels to me like you have become so overwhelmed that your just not able to cope with all your stress and you do not have a strong support network.  Working in a recovery room I would assume you have assess to physicians - is there one you could ask re where to find a therapist that you can afford.  Many therapists will offer a payment plan or discount rates.

Please do seek out help as I do hate to see you in such a tough place.   You have to be able to take back control of your own life.  We all help each other but taking care of ourselves first is the golden rule.

Kindly,

Kitt

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