I will probably be MIA for a few...

Hey guys. I'm in a bad place right now. Not feeling very talkative or social, so if I'm not on for a few days you'll know why.

Yesterday was on of the worst days i've had in a LONG time, and it had nothing to do with anxiety. I had to put my dog down, and i'm feeling pretty sad and depressed. He was 9 years old and suffering from Degenerative Myelopathy. He fought so hard for over two years until it finally took it's toll on him. I just knew by the look in his eyes yesterday that he was trying to tell me he'd had enough, and was done fighting. He lost that "sparkle" and seemed sad.

So, I made the dreaded call to the vet, and took him in. There were a few times when I just wanted to leave and bring him back home, but I knew he wasn't happy anymore, his quality of life was gone. 

I'm riddled with guilt now, trying to tell myself I did the right thing, what was best for him. But I can't help feeling that I let him down somehow along the way. Like maybe there was something else I could've done, or maybe he was just having a bad day. He was such a big baby, and I really miss him..... 

I'm sorry if I make anyone depressed, but I just wanted to let you all know.

I'll try and get on, but I probably won't be answering anyone's questions....

Love & Hugs,

Fox

 

Fox,

Sending you sincere sympathy and know I have been right where you are and yes I felt guilty for not being  able to do more for my sweet Dee Dog. 

Having a dog share your life changes you forever. The lessons they teach, the unqualified love they share, that bond that is formed…it is a deep association unlike anything else. It is one of the greatest gifts. And losing them does cause a greater pain than one can imagine. But going through life, without ever sharing part of it with such a companion, would be far worse.

Throw away the guilt and remember you made the best choice for your sweet pet - I to felt my Dee Dog was letting me know  she was trying to hang on for me but she was tired.  Take all the time you need to grieve for your pet and also remember all the love the two of you shared.

Kindly,

Kitt

My cat died sudenly at home after a life of 9 years. I miiss her so much.

Sorry for your loss


hugs, cAren

Thanks everyone, i'm just checking in to let you all know that I'm doing ok. I'm feeling a bit better today, just not in a talkative mood right now.

((hugs)) Fox

Hi Fox! Glad to hear that you are feeling better and I am sure everyone understands that you don't feel like talking at the moment. Just relax and take it easy. Look forward to hearing from you again when you feel up to it. Best wishes!

Thank you all! It means the world to me to have such a great support system. I am feeling a bit better today, although yesterday I had a bit more anxiety than usual and had to take a half of a xanax mid day. We'll see what happens around 5:00 when the xanax starts wearing off from my a.m. dose.

I think it's a combo of being due for my "friend" in about a week, the loss of my baby, AND the increase in dosage. But I have come to terms with letting him go. It was the best thing I could have done for him, and I did not want to keep him around for my own selfish reason of not wanting to lose him.

It was very hard to make the decision to let him go because I had to do it 3 years in a row with my babies. One in 2007 from the bloat, another in 2008 from renal kidney failure, and another in 2009 from Hemangiocarcoma (spleen & liver cancer). They were all German Shepherds. I realized, after holding on too long with the one with kidney failure, that I didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

I am feeling a deep sense of sadness, but also a sense of relief, if that makes sense, that he is not suffering anymore, and is running free with my other 3. I'm sure that when my time comes, they will all be waiting to greet me.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble a bit, it helps.

((hugs)) Fox

Fox,

You probably have read this before but I am going to post it for you.  My daughter keeps a picture of each of her pets/clients at the kennels and when one passes she delivers a framed picture of the pet with this poem to the family

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

 

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

 

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.,

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Kindly,

Kitt

I have never heard that poem before...and now I am going to go re-do my eye make-up and mascara (not kidding!)

Fox, I have been thinking of you...I am glad that you are starting to heal. Soon the memories will be accompanied by a warm glow, rather than the ache that you are feeling now.

I have not had a dog since I was a child...but I remeber when my beloved 'Critter' ran away. I also remeber having to have two beloved cats put to rest. Recently my daughter's hamster died of old age. I held him during his last moments...and then cried like a baby, as much as my daughter, I swear.

Any pet that is loved, is a pet that is mourned...so go ahead and feel all of the feelings that you need to...it is a process that must be taken, and we are here to tell you we understand and are sending hugs!

S.C.