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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 5/30/2012 6:41 PM (GMT 0)
I was diagnosed with OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, and agoraphobia a few years ago. I was on medication for a while but when my insurance coverage was cut I wasn't able to see my doctor anymore and I'm not able to get medication anymore. I've been trying to find a counselor or community health doctor but most aren't taking new patients right now.
I really feel like I'm not supposed to be in the world. I'm not good at life. I don't know how to act around people and usually end up looking like an idiot which attracts more attention to me and causes my anxieties to get so bad that I have passed out. I don't have any friends. I am grateful for the family that I have but my issues are too much for them at times.
I'm getting worse. I used to have good days. I am almost constantly in a state of panic. I'm sick of the tightness in my back and stomach. I'm not able to eat much anymore because I get sick. I started having migraines and ended up in the emergency room.
I have thought about why I am this way, what might or might not have started all of this, how to tweak this and that in life to try to make it easier to bear. It's getting harder. I'm not able to comfort myself anymore. It really feels like I'm imploding.
I really just wanted to talk and maybe find other people who feel this way too. I'm not sure what steps to take from here. I really feel like I'm not good at life at all. cry
Posted 5/30/2012 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Razzbeary and welcome.

I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well, and that your anxiety symptoms are increasing lately. I know how it feels to despair about your anxiety, and to think that there is no hope for getting better...I was in a similar place a few years back with my panic disorder.

I am here to tell you that there is hope and help though! It is great that you are seeking help in the form of therapy. Get on a list, or several if you can. It is worth the wait...and sometimes they have cancellations and can move you up faster than expected!

In the mean time you can look into some self-help treatment. Have you tried anything so far? There are goos programs available on DVD, and it can also be as simple as going to your library, and checking out as many books on anxiety as you can find. I did this, and took from them what I thought was applicable and useful for me, and put the tecniques I learned to work.

We also have an Anxiety Resource Guide (main page 2nd post) that is full of helpful links that you may want to take a look at!  There is even on-line therapy available for dealing with anxiety and depression, here is the link for this free, easy to use site.


http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Keep posting here with us as well. Just talking with others has a theraputic affect...it is comforting to know that you are not alone in what you are going through. Post anytime...we are here to listen and support!

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat

Posted 5/30/2012 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

Welcome to the forum good to meet you. SC has given good support and advice so I just wanted to pop in and say hi and I hope you stay with us.

Hibee
Posted 5/30/2012 10:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there

Your not alone in this I myself suffer with gad ocd and panic disorder and depression and I know its no easy ride but don't beat ypurself up as you will only pull yourself deeper down try to focus more on the possitives more than the negatives I know it easier said than done I've been there myself I started keeping a diary and just wrote down my thoughts and its very theraputic its a way of releaseing built up frustrations I also took up a hobby I started plying guitar and piano and I found it occupied my mind and what you said about not being good at life take it from me no one is others just hide it better and there is always a friendly person on this forum to pick you up when your down stay strong and know your not alone
Posted 5/31/2012 4:19 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd get a response to my post. I have tried other forums in the past and usually got lost in the list. I've tried some self help things. I have had a couple things help like hypnotherapy and meditation. I've been having a harder time calming my mind down so they're not as helpful as they used to be. I still try to draw when I can but most of the time I can't gather my thoughts to figure out what to draw. I honestly never thought about other people not being good at life either. Made me smile to read that. Some of my family likes to point out my mistakes and never let me live them down. Seems like they have a handle on everything. My biggest issue right now is not being able to have a job. I had a job years ago but wasn't able to keep it because of panic attacks. I hate not being able to provide for myself. It makes me feel like I have to keep people in my life that don't treat me very well because I might need them someday. I've tried getting jobs. I can't keep my panic in check long enough to last even half a work day. The employers that I have tried to work with were nice about it and told me that if I ever get better to come back. As I get worse I'm starting to feel completely hopeless. I'm glad that I might have found a place where I can talk to other people who understand how I feel.
Posted 6/2/2012 12:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Razzbeary
I'm sorry you're going through such a bad time. I'm sure we all feel like everyone else knows so big secret to living life and nobody's told you. I remember when I was at my worst (i was so bad I'd get panic attacks just going to the mailbox!) watching everyone walking along my street on their way to work or where ever and being so jealous that they could just go out when ever and wherever they wanted.
To start building up your confidence and resume (which can look a bit bare if you've been off work for a while) again maybe you could do some volunteer work. I work for a not for profit toy library and we have volunteers come in to clean toys for a couple of hours each week.
I'm about to start a thread about how I got back into the workforce thanks to a place called stepping stone clubhouse. they are part of an international organization. here is a link to their site. maybe you could see if there is a place near you and see if it's your thing. they have no religious or political agenda. http://www.iccd.org
Best of luck :)
Posted 6/2/2012 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
To the moderators - I'm sorry if what I just posted just broke forum rules. I didn't think till after. I don't want to be seen as spamming :)
Posted 6/2/2012 4:20 PM (GMT 0)
BD,

Non-profit, sevice orginazations such as this are absolutely fine...thanks for being helpful!:)

S.C.
Posted 6/3/2012 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you belleadonna :) I will look into it. I do feel jealous when I see people walking around with not a car in the world. I have even asked people that I know how they are able to just walk around where ever they want without thinking abut what could happen and what others think. They usually think it's a weird question. Thank you for the link to the site. I have started using some of the self-help advice and I will definitely look into volunteer work. Reading comments like yours have helped me so much to realize that I'm not alone and that there is still hope. Thank you again
Posted 6/20/2012 11:39 PM (GMT 0)
you are not alone at all...i feel this way all the time...i function for my husband and kids but there are times where i feelso down i dont know what to do!!!
Posted 6/21/2012 12:43 AM (GMT 0)
It looks like you found a great place to come and vent. We are here for you. Hang in there. :)
Posted 6/21/2012 4:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, Razzbeary! I totally relate to where you talk about asking people how they're able to walk around without a care. I wonder this myself all the time. :/
What's helped me is just knowing that no matter what, the thoughts I have are just thoughts and nothing more. There's never any truth in them, really.
Hope you begin to feel better soon! :)
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