Sherry,I am glad you came here and vented and remember we are open 24/7 for venting.
My daughter's teens gave her and the one still does a he$$ of a time. The oldest when she got her driver's license, I swear, got into trouble everyday ! She was grounded upon grounded until I finally laughing told my daughter I was pretty sure Kayla was grounded for about 2 years due to the consecutive groundings she was serving. The younger one is ornery and sassy along with disrepectful which my daughter is still finding very difficult to cope with.
She has tried
Confining them to the house,
Cut off the cash flow - they both have had jobs since they were 15
Take the car keys - then she has to drive them to work, to sports activities they are in etc.
Take away the cell phone - then she is living with devils not daughters
Disconnect the internet - there business runs on having internet as well as the lap tops are used for school work.
Cancel plans to go to a concert or 'the big game' - they are already serving consecutive groundings 
The oldest is now 21 and in college and has improved tremendously. The youngest is 19 and still has a mouth on her like a sailor but will come back in an hour with a note apologizine to her Mom and says she just cannot help it when she is so ornery.
I can understand why you are feeling like the whole world is turning upside down for you right now with your husband having surgery and your teen causing you legitimate concerns. I know that feeling of " my head feels like it is going to explode". One thing that helps me is to just step back and shut down for a bit to allow my brain to reset itself. This may be by reading a book for pleasure, taking a nap, or just giving myself permission to put myself first and believe that everything will work out in the end.
I raised 4 teens and I do remember the turmoil they caused in my life at the time but keep on believing that all will turn out OK.
You are never alone.
Kindly,
Kitt