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Posted 8/28/2012 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
hey everyone,

So for the past 6 yrs I have been battling depression/anxiety/panic attacks on and off,

I have followed CBT and have been on numerous medications.

after the birth of my son in 2010 (on maternity leave) I started suffering from severe panic attacks, could not get through a day without calling 911.

I was constantly alone with my newborn and my husband was extremely abusive (not the funnest of situations)

I decided to get help. What started out as something I thought was a step in the right direction, turned out to be the worst time of my life.

They had put me on a high dosage of Clonazepam, Ativan (as needed) and Citalopram (dont remember the dosage back then)

I was also meant to follow CBT, oh yeah and have my husband charged with assault and leave him......

   so step 1, i left my husband when my son was only 8 months old, got sole custody, charged my now ex husband with assault, death threats and so on.... changed all the

locks to my door... he still found a way in but either way it was a start.

   he plead guilty to all charges and got away with just probation.

CBT was not effective, I felt like if I didnt get out of my funk soon, the counselling would stop and my career would take a big hit... which it did!!!!!

For a long time I was forced to pretend nothing was wrong to get back on my career path, i weaned myself off ativan and clonazepam to make it look good on file.

Now I have moved to a new place, close to family, great support, great boyfriend, my son is now 3yrs. Where do I start??? I still have all the effects of what has happened in the past.

depression, body issues, self conscious, no trust in anyone not even doctors, anxiety..... i feel like im going insane sometimes.

but i can function in an everyday life. any other things i could try...... please help. im only 25 and i dont want this for the rest of my life.

Posted 8/28/2012 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi and welcome.

I am sorry to hear of your anxiety troubles:( You have certainly been through a lot in a short period of time! That is bound to set the stage for anxiety and panic.

Unfortunately, even though you have bettered your situation (great job!) the anxiety often is stubborn and doesn't go away.

It is great that you have been able to get to the point where you are functioning...working and taking care of your child...but I think that you recognize that it's the quality of life that needs improving, right? I too have always been 'functional'...I have never missed a day of work due to my anxiety, or not been able to take care of my family...but I was full on miserable! So you are wise to want something better.:)

I would recommend revisitind the idea of therapy. I know that you did not find it helpful before, however there are a lot of factors that go into this kind of treatment. Who you are seeing, where you are in a particular time of your life, how much effort is going into the assingments, ect...can all have an effect.

When these things change and you go at it with a fresh approach, it can be life changing. Not every therapist is a good match...so look around. Maybe now you are more open to what therapy could do for you...maybe you are more free to complete the worksheets/jounal entries/mood diary forms.

There is also the self-help route. There are a lot of great books/DVD's and programs that you could look into for working on this at home. We have a great Resource Guide right here full of good ideas.  The exercises for breathing and muscle relaxation are really effective if practiced daily!

Keep posting here as well. It is really helpful to talk with others who understand what you are going through. We will be here to listen, and support.:)

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat
Posted 8/28/2012 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you very much for your reply.
and yes youre right, it is the quality of life par that seems to need improvement.
I have an assessment only on 12 Oct at the hospital with a team who will be revisiting the treatment plan i was on before which had so miserably failed.
I guess the one part to stay positive is the fact that i still havent given up.
The self help thing never really did much for me because my son is still so young and needs constant attention, and when i finally find time to myself
usually i just want to sleep. i guess thats normal in my situation.
i lack alot of motivation when it comes to this, i realise the doctors can only do so much and i have to keep my end of the bargain.
any tips on staying motivated? Making what seems like a lifelong disease go away once and for all?
Posted 8/28/2012 5:38 PM (GMT 0)
The motivation is the hardest part of doing the self-help therapies! 

For me, I choose to go see a therapist because I knew that I needed to get help not only for myself, but for my family...I did also use a lot of self-help techniques, and it was really difficult to find the drive to work at it sometimes!

It was really tough to sacrifice the time, I too had a toddler then...but I knew that in the long run, it would be worth it.

For now, maybe try starting small. Get a book on anxiety management and read it as your schedule allows. Try the coping exercises for 5-10 minutes once, or twice a day. Try to adopt an attitude of 'every little bit is progress'...rather than 'all or nothing.' (this is an issue that I have had to overcome as a perfectionist type personality)

As you progress, you may just find yourself better able to carve out more and more time for your recovery:)

Talk to you soon, and keep posting!

S.C.

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