New here and in need of help

First off, hello to everyone! Good to find a community that seems to have quite a bit of knowledge about anxiety. This may be a bit long but please bare with me.

On march 2nd of this year i was struck by a rake above my right eye pretty hard and i felt as though i was going to black out but i didnt, even though i was pretty dizzy from it. I thought nothing of it at the time just that i was simply hit, had a busted lip and a bruised eye. about 10 days later i remember sitting at my computer playing a random game to kill time, and out of no where i had a bad panic attack.

All of a sudden just literally for no reason, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. At the time i didnt know it was a panic attack, i just thought that my heart was beating really fast for no reason and that maybe i was going to have a heart attack or something. I ended up going to my parents room and calmed down, then the next 3 days i had AWFUL anxiety. I was literally shaking for 3 days straight, and got about 2-3 hours of sleep every day because i was afraid of falling asleep and not waking up. I had no idea what was going on and what was wrong with me.

My parents finally ended up taking me to a medical clinic on march 15th and explained what had happened, and they were thinking it was more towards post concussion syndrome considering i had been hit. 3 months had gone by and i hadnt felt much better, the anxiety wasnt all that bad, i had a panic attack here and there but not to bad. Things definitely werent getting better though, which really concerned me and i convinced myself that this wasnt Post concussion syndrome. So i ended up making another appt and going back to the clinic, i saw a different doctor this time who thought that all i had was anxiety.

Of course i've done my homework and read up about anxiety quite a bit, as most people with anxiety do. I know you can go through many many different symptoms that can all be caused just by anxiety. But to me it just seemed so weird that all of this started happening AFTER i was struck by the rake, so at the time i thought there was no way that this could all just be anxiety and only anxiety. On top of anxiety i had constant vertigo (every day all the time) and dizziness, which i do believe is because i have fluid behind my ear drum which wont go away for some reason even after taking advil cold and sinus to try and dry it up.

I ended up going through a few different doctos, some of which sided with me that it could easily be post concussion syndrome. But my main concern was that my anxiety was through the roof, so bad that they eventually put me on Citalopram which i couldnt handle to well. I think i may have given up on it too soon because while on it my anxiety had just gotten worse, and i had weird symptoms from it that scared me even worse and i ended up going to the ER because i had gotten confused about something all of a sudden and panicked. I made it to day 8 of citalopram.

I got off the Citalopram and went on ativan, even though i was on ativan for 2 months i dont remember much of those 2 months...i remember it helping me some of the time but really i dont remember a lot other than sitting around playing games and taking it twice a day. I was on 1 mg twice a day and occasionally when i felt i needed it, i would take an extra dose. Eventually it got to the point where it felt like it either wasnt working or it wasnt enough. I ended up not having enough ativan to hold me over till my next prescription refill every now and then, and ended up having to go a day or two without it...WHICH SUCKED, i was afraid of going through withdrawls. I went and saw a different doctor who wanted me on an antidepressant and changed my medication from ativan to xanax. And ever since about the beginning of august i've been on Xanax .5 mg twice a day. Lately what i have been doing is breaking a .5 mg tablet in half and taking .25 mg twice a day, normally when i feel i need it.

What concerns me the most right now, is that i've been having some really weird irrational thoughts. Sometimes i have rapid thoughts where i just bounce from one subject to the next even when the subject i think about is completely different from the one before. Theres been a quite a few times where i would just randomly think of one specific word or a random name from a video game for example, out of the blue. And when im alone i have conversations with myself in my head, like before i made an appointment with a psychiatrist i would think of myself having a conversation with her. Like i would be explaining my symptoms to her and everything that has happened, and then i would think of a reaction she might have or something that she might say and then i would continue explaining to her etc. Basically think about how the visit would go.

I've also be really afraid that what i have may not just be anxiety, that it may be schizophrenia or huntingtons disease(i thought it may be huntingtons disease because im off balance and shaky aswell as bad memory and vision). As far as i know im not hallucinating, and im not hearing voices or anything. But my thoughts are sometimes so weird and disturbing that i've almost convinced myself that i do have schizophrenia. Sometimes i'll be sitting there randomly thinking about different things then all of a sudden i'll think of a good friend of mine saying a sentence (any sentence even one that may not make sense or have anything to do with what i was thinking of) and when i think of the sentence hes saying i also think of how it was sound and its basically like he's saying a sentence and im thinking of it in his voice. This has happened a couple of times and its really scaring the crap out of me, because its not the first time i've had weird intrusive thoughts.

Honestly im just scared to death of whats wrong with me, The xanax does help with anxiety but not with the random thoughts and when i take it they arent extremely rapid. But for the most part i am in constant thought of just different things, mostly about myself and my health. Its coming to the point where i feel like im losing my mind and that im schizophrenic, which is one thing that i am deathly afraid of. Right before i go to sleep i have random different thoughts, or images popping into my head which use to freak my out but now i think i've gotten use to it to where sometimes i notice it and sometimes i dont and just fall asleep.

The psychiatrist im seeing thinks that its all anxiety and its getting out of control. She thought that staying on xanax was a good idea so she prescribed me more of that, aswell as putting me on Prozac. I currently dont have the money to get the prozac quite yet even though its cheap, me and my parents are on a tight budget right now and dont have a lot of money at all and im not on medicaid or SSI or anything other than standard insurance. Which also means even though my psychiatrist wants me to be in therapy, thats something that i cant do right now because of financial problems.

The anxiety that i have isnt causing constant panic attacks but i have severe anxiety a lot, the last attack i had was when i tried going without xanax for a couple of days. I ended up going 2 days without it then took .25 mg and then went another day without it and had a panic attack and took .25 mg twice that day and have been taking .25mg twice a day since. Xanax is really something i dont want to have to rely on, but until i get the prozac im gonna have to deal with it i guess.

I can distract myself pretty easily sometimes specially when i play games and i get into them or when i talk with my girlfriend, those things usually take my mind completely off of worrying and constant negative thoughts. But even while doing these things i feel like crap all the time...my vision looks grainy i guess they call that visual snow, i feel very fatigued all the time, i rarely have any energy, i forget things easily, my body feels restless at times like if im not doing something my feet will get restless or i'll end up scratching my head or just moving my hands in general. I have had and still experience many different physical symptoms, if its not one thing its the other.

I just really am a mess..i dont constantly cry or anything but sometimes i just think about my life and how bad things are getting and cant help but just break down in tears. Im not suicidal and would never think of committing suicide or harming anyone or anything, but it feels like im just ready to give up. I wish someone else could come in and take control of my life so i can give myself and my mind a rest for a little while.

If i get on the prozac how much can it actually help me if i stick to it? Will it help with the random intrusive thoughts and the worries and all of that?

All feedback is highly wanted and welcomed, thank you.

PlasticMonkey

Post Edited (PlasticMonkey) : 9/3/2012 5:44:01 PM (GMT-6)

No i havent had an mri done, i've had a CT scan done that came back normal aswell as xrays to look for any fractures which also came back normal. Just out of curiosity what would be your definition of intrusive thoughts, is there a specific type of thought thats considered to be an intrusive thought or are intrusive thoughts just thoughts that force their way in?

Even if it was Post concussion syndrome i've been to quite a few forums that explain what it is and what people have gone through and most people end up having to get on antidepressants to control anxiety because anxiety is counter to recovery. So if it is PCS then i need to take care of the anxiety first before worrying about recovering from the brain injury..

Does prozac help with intrusive thoughts and rapid thoughts etc?

Intrusive thoughts and racing thoughts are definitely in the anxiety spectrum. Treating the anxiety should result in decreasing the symptoms...so in theory, yes, your SSRI should help with this issue.

Patience will be a necessity though...these meds can take from 2-8 weeks to build up and level off in the system.

S.C.

PlasticMonkey said...
No i havent had an mri done, i've had a CT scan done that came back normal aswell as xrays to look for any fractures which also came back normal. Just out of curiosity what would be your definition of intrusive thoughts, is there a specific type of thought thats considered to be an intrusive thought or are intrusive thoughts just thoughts that force their way in?

Even if it was Post concussion syndrome i've been to quite a few forums that explain what it is and what people have gone through and most people end up having to get on antidepressants to control anxiety because anxiety is counter to recovery. So if it is PCS then i need to take care of the anxiety first before worrying about recovering from the brain injury..

Does prozac help with intrusive thoughts and rapid thoughts etc?

Just as you said it -- thoughts that force their way in. They're persistent, give rise to anxiety, and on some level we know they're completely irrational, yet we still have trouble shaking them. It's part and parcel of anxiety disorders, and while they cause a great deal of distress, they don't point to a more serious disorder. Prozac, in conjuction with CBT, can certainly help you get a handle on it.

I found it interesting that you described rehearsing in your head a visit to the psychiatrist. You were employing visualization techniques, something that we're taught to do in therapy, to help us deal with phobias or situations that make us anxious. This is not a sign of maladjustment, but an indication that you're a natural at CBT. :)

I did a bit of googling on PCS, and since you're experiencing vertigo, dizziness and other related symptoms, it does seem likely to be the culprit. The few articles I read indicate that problems are mostly self-resolved in a year at the outside, and I certainly hope this is the case for you.