Panic attack right now

I posted before that i think and over think situations way too much. Currently I am worried about my relationship with my gf. I am worried that my constant anxiety is going to screw things up. I have talked to her about this and she assures me that it wont. I know sooner or later it will though. It really is nothing she does. She is an amazing trustworthy girl. We text all the time and spend a lot of time at least 5 days a week together. she has actually helped me through panic attacks and when i tell her i fell weak talking about them with her she reassures me that she thinks that I am strong for talking about it with her and for reaching out for help to get it taken care of. I always worry that I annoy her with how much time we spend together. I dont get annoyed and she has told me she loves spending time with me. she is always honest with me and says that if something is bugging her she would tell me. Texting gives me a lot of anxiety because that is one of the main forms of communications we use. I kn things can be misinterpreted over texts and people dont always get back right away. All these dumb conclusions start popping into my head causing and i send myself into a panic attack. I hate feeling like this because i know its ridiculous. I tell her if she has plans wit her friends, that i wont be upset one bit if she goes with them etc. i dont get jealous and i understand we each have lives and i would not make her give something up for me. We tell eachother we love each other all the time and we have been together for 6 months. shes really special and not like any girl i have met. I am really scared that my anxiety is gonna cause problems in the relationship and that I am gonna screw it up. I hate these fears. I wanna go back to where it was her and I when i wasnt constantly having panic attacks and we were having fun. For both our sakes. Please help. There is more i could write but i feel that these are the main roots of my anxiety in the relationship

What is thinking? Would it be fair to say it is the act of taking things from the world around us (and also the world inside of us) into our minds and then using words, labels, pictures, and ideas to conceptualize and understand them? The mind is a conceptualization tool that is built to process things this way. Memory, imagination, analysis, comparison, and calculation are some of the ways we do that. It is useful for things like schoolwork, finding a job, avoiding danger, learning from the past, etc. Ultimately it is a tool to help us increase pleasure and reduce pain.

What is love? Does it come from the mind? When you look at your girlfriend, a puppy, a sunset, or anything beautiful, is love the act of breaking it all down into thoughts and mental activity? Or does it seem different than conceptualization? When you love something, it is the experience of seeing and recognizing the beauty of life without understanding it with the mind.

There are two ways to take something inside ourselves, one is through the mind, one is through something deeper, through our consciousness that is beyond the mind, deeper than it. When someone is afraid, what is happening is that they are trying to use the mind to take in something that is too big for it. Life cannot be truly understood by the mind, it must simply be looked at with conscious awareness. This awareness is a different, deeper intelligence than conceptualization.

Most of us aren't told about this and so we don't understand that these two different things are going on inside of us. It all gets jumbled into a confused and cloudy internal experience. We believe that the mind is who we are and we cling to it obsessively and trust it to decode our lives. When a person is anxious, they are beginning to realize that their mind is not capable of breaking down the things on this deeper level. It is scary to see the mind we have trusted so much fail over and over again at calculating the deeper things of life. Most people then compensate by reaching even deeper into their minds in a downward spiral of fear and pain. But the best things in life will always be too deep for the mind, they happen on a different level.

You have placed much trust in your mind. Don't feel bad, we have all done it. But once we see how incapable it is, we can stop trying to use the mind for something more than it was created for. When you say "I hate these fears", who is it that is hating and who is it that is fearing? Are there two of you? Are they both you? The "I" is the conscious awareness that is underneath the thoughts, the fearing is done by the mind. Your mind is the Thinker, you are the Watcher.

What if you try to approach everything in your life as the Watcher and not the Thinker? When you see any criticism, calculation, doubt, fear, analysis, or computation of any kind, what if you take a moment, sit back, and just watch all of that mental activity like a movie. Don't tell yourself to stop (because that would be another form of criticism, which is just mental activity), just sit and watch. You can do it any time. Take your closest worry and see what conceptualizations your mind is using to process everything. And smile at how you have trained yourself to use this tool to take on things that are too big for it. Once you really start to see the difference between you the Watcher and your mind the Thinker, space can be created and peace can flow into your life.

God bless you,
Dan