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how do i get physical purity back?

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Posted 9/28/2012 9:54 AM (GMT 0)
I'm completely clueless at the moment. my boyfriend and i have been together for over 5 years. its always been me and him sexually. he was never with anyone before me and neither was i. you know that crazy perfect love u see in movies it was that. i guess it got too perfect for me. and i decided to take a break. but truth is i never wanted to get back.
i know you may think im stupid to think that way but it was just too perfect. no fights no arguments all mushy love. it was too much. (may seem pretty stupid to do but don't judge please) not too mention he was getting very possessive by the minute like i was his property i had to tell him every time i reached somewhere and when i was leaving from somewhere i had to tell him who i was with and when i got home.
it was too much to deal with so i took a break and during that year i got involved into drugs and alcohol and with another guy.
after a year we accidentally bumped into each other and it was love all over again. he's a changed guy now and im with him since the summer of last year.
he found out about my relation with that guy. and he;s torn apart. i want to fix it because now i realize how beautiful our relationship was besides all those thing. it was something that not everyone can have or get. it was something out of the heavens.
and so i want to make my body pure again. he's says what used to be mine only mine has been with other boys too. it breaks my soul from the inside. our relationship is going downhill. i want to save it. can some one please tell me how to make my body pure again. get rid of all the dirt that ive carried with from the past. i just want to be his again. he's the love of my life. help me please!
Posted 9/28/2012 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi battyfly and welcome.

I am not sure how we can be of help to you here with your issue, as we are really more about discussing anxiety and panic topics.

I can recommend talking to your pastor and possibly seeing about counselling as a couple is you are interested in restoring the relationship...but as far as the physical purity? I would ask the head of your particular church.

If you do have any anxiety concerns, please feel free to post with us at any time.

Good luck,

S.C.
Posted 10/2/2012 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
it is anxiety to be honest.
i cant sleep. i cant think right. I've just been to myself lately. i don't want to talk to anyone. its worse then loosing someone through death. i don't know what to do. he's my soul mate. and when i say it i don't mean it in the cliche way. I've lost my sanity. it hurts so bad physically.
Posted 10/2/2012 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
Well it sounds like there were a few issues before you broke up the first time that could probably use some work...possiveness and needing to know where you are at all times can be red flags...

But if you are really determined to give the relationship another try, then I would again suggest counselling as individuals and as a couple.

I hope that you can also be prepared for the fact that the time for you two to be together has passed. There were a lot of issues that went into you wanting to leave in the first place...and even though you both may have changed, it could be that you have gone in different directions.

The most important thing is that you feel happy and whole as an individual. In order to be happy in a relationship, this must come first and foremost.:)

I wish you the best, and let us know how you are doing soon.

S.C.
Posted 10/2/2012 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
i don't want us to end in any way possible due to any cause. i was way young in my head when i made that decision. and the things that i did. i regret those. having spent time separately isn't the issue but me being physical with other people is. and i really don't have the money for counselling and neither does he for now.
Posted 10/2/2012 4:24 AM (GMT 0)
Do you have a pastor or church leader who could talk with you guys? If not, then maybe a trusted older couple?

In any case, starting slow and proving that you are serious about wanting to get back together and being true may help him to gain trust again.

You really can't change the past, nor should you feel 'less than' or 'unclean' for what happened...if it is meant to be and he is a man of integrity, he will see you for the woman that you are now...not as the sum of your past actions.

S.C.
Posted 10/2/2012 9:15 AM (GMT 0)
he can never look at me with a degrading eye. he respects me with all his heart but its just that even through all this he waited for me and stayed faithful to. considering guys now and how girls throw themselves at good looking guys. its just that i need to come to terms with my self cuz i feel so guilty that i hurt him that way and that he's always been so good to me. out of his way good to me. ive started feeling so insecure when im around him now cuz he is very good looking and girls always are attracted to him like bees on honey and I've lost that place inside him. And i feel like i have lesser of a right over him.
Posted 10/2/2012 9:04 PM (GMT 0)
battfly,

I have read your thread carefully and I am a bit hesitant to answer as I am not sure you will find your answer here in the anxiety forum as this is a personal decision that you have to ponder carefully and make your decisiion for the right reasons not because you feel guilty.  Feeling guilty is not a good enough reason to stay with your boyfriend.

For any relationship to be healthy we have to be healthy coming into it. It feels to me like neither you or your  boyfriend are ready for a deep committment without some sorting out of both of your feelings.  People forgive, but they do not forget being hurt. It is our nature to remember to protect our sensitivity.

I am sorry but  there is no specific answer that I can provide to your question and concerns.  The answer has to come from within you.

Please do not feel that I am judging you as everyone makes mistakes and I have made my own share of bad choices.   It does not make you a bad person and I understand the anxiety this is causing both of you. 

Kindly,

Kitt 

 

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