Haven't been diagnosed!

Sooooo, I'm actually new & joined the group a few minutes ago, but anywho. I haven't seen a doctor about my anxiety because I'm afraid to show any type of emotion such as being sad or crying in front of anyone. I've always been very emotional but only behind doors. I know that I need to talk about it with someone, rather than talking things out myself, but it's very hard.

Hmmm, let me think..., I've had anxiety since I was little, I don't remember what age but I would say around the age of 8. I remember waking up in a cold sweat, crying & shaking uncontrollably running to my mother's room & making her call my grandmother at 2 or 3am every single night, making sure she was alive, since hearing her voice would make things better. Until this day I find myself having panic attacks, crying, losing my breath, to feeling like I wanna be alone 24/7.

I still live at home due to it but no one knows but me because I've been this way for all of my life, that I know how to hide it from everyone, even my girlfriend. I would love to let her know but my own mother doesn't even know either & I'm trying to get the courage to see a therapist, so i can open up to them but I don't know how. I've been fighting with myself to see one but my fear of being emotional & crying will make things worse... HELPPP ME!!!

Hi Shondi1025,

I can relate to your problems, not only anxiety, but fear of showing emotion. Actually it's more of a fear of being judged, for me, because I am an outgoing person, have a lot of friends etc. and I am afraid to how them the new side of me... I suffer from anxiety and panic attacs for about a year, however it has obsessed me and I tried many things. As the problem is in our head, and i am not saying we are not sane, it is recommended we talk to a specialist. Think about the therapist as a medic, you have a broken leg you go to the doctor keeping in mind he/she has seen worse cases.He/she will not judge you, but your condition and will try to help anyway he/she can and will know how to handle your fear of showing emotion and will not pressure you. Another thing I find that helps. You may want to try to think about your therapist as your conscience, he's your own method of help, and no one else knows of him. You won't show emotions to anyone else, but to him. You go to your therapist with this in mind, he/she will be the only person in front of whom you will be yourself, with all your fears etc. I am not encouraging you to hide your emotions from the rest of the world, but as a first step it works, and the next steps you will have your therapist besides you to guide and help you. Good luck !

*sigh* this anxiety is interfering with everything I do, especially my relationship since August. My gf has been there for me through it all & I do question her, like why she is still with me & she explained herself to a T, I love that she remains strong & stood by my side. So good news, I made an appointment to see a therapist this Tuesday at 9am. It's a little to early for me, I wanna be emotionally prepared but I'll just take a deep breath & get it over with. My gf is taking me, she's the best . & thanks guys. Having people who can relate helped me out even more