guilt and anxiety

as I had posted before, I got caught shoplifting a week or so ago. but it feels like just yesterday. these past days since that happened have been horrible. I am paranoid our my parents finding out of how horrible I am.
I am the only one that knows about what I did, I'm too ashamed to tell anyone else. everyday I look out of my window when a car passes by to see if it's the police trying to arrestme. I look in the mail for letters of the courts that I've been charged.
I Google cases of people in the similar situation. in the morning is when I feel the worst. that's when my guilt and anxiety are at its max.
I feel terrible. I don't know what to do. all I have to do is wait and see what happens but that's the hardest part

Hi there

Firstly why are you shoplifting? you deserve to have been caught its not acceptable.

Anyway i can see you are beating yourself up enough and i hope for whatever reason you are doing it you will stop now.

I can semi relate. Although i have only been experincing major anxiety for a few months i have always been a worrier and anxious person and i remember when i was about 15 i was bunking off school and was caught by police who took all my detils and said they would be in touch with my parents and school! Well for the days that passed i was so terrified i held my breath for a week solid! panting any time the post came through wanting to jump out of my bedroom window anytime the door went feeling a flush of pure panic any time the phone rang i dont think i properly eat or slept for 2 weeks after it happened. my panic was that my mum would get fined for me bunking off school and she would have to go to court i was absalute terrified and was getting a whole book full of anxiety symptome which were truly horrible and thinking back now i rightly deserved them.

Dont you have a close friend you can open up to without them judging? You have to think or the chances are of you been caught are if you say its 90% you will get caught your best option is to bite the bullet and tell them. and suffer the consiquenses but if you think there is a 30% chance you will be caught you may have to just give yourself a kick in the backside and block it from your mind and try and have a al deal with it when it happens attitude.

I know its not what you want to do or you would have done it already but to put yourself through all this and you are perhaps going to get caught out in the end anyway?

Its just not worth it! Honesty is the best policy!

Jenna x

Hugs joavie!!!

I responded to your last thread, as many did...so keep reading those postive affirmations over and over...there are some good words of comfort for you in there...

I will add one more thing that occured to me this morning as I read this latest post...it is an old saying...

'Let the punishment fit the crime.'

I think that you have more than 'paid' for this one time lapse of judgment! You have punished yourself above and beyond what is expected, in my opinion.

The reason for your error...as stated in your last thread, makes my heart heavy...and I think that anyone could understand the movtive behind your actions.  When we are hurting inside, we don't always think things through...I understand that completely...we have all been there.

That of course does not change the facts...but your conscience knows that you made a mistake, and you are repentant...so I think that you can let this go and move on, knowing that you are a good person who happened to make a mistake...we all do at some point!

You have my support friend!:)

S.C.

I think you have beat yourself up enough. Make a decision to change your actions from this point forward. You are NOT a bad person, just did a bad thing. :) You have to just accept what you did was wrong, dismiss it & move forward as a better person.

Joavila, If you were really a bad person you would have already laughed it off and you would not care if your parrents found out, or how they might feel about it. You are suffering because you have deep feelings about rignt and wrong, in short you care and care deeply.
This is just a suggestion:If you are a beliver, find a quite place and make a confession to your God, don't make a bunch of promisses you cant keep, just repent. He has already forgiven You but you need this cleansing of spirit. Set down and wright your Mother/Father a letter about this whole epicode, leave nothing out, remember you are looking for forgivness from yourself and Family. Seal the letter and date it, then put it in a special place, you only know where. Leave it there, if crap hits the fan try and retreave the letter with your Love ones watching, "it will go well". However nothing may happen if so keep the letter as a remberance of the foolishness of youth, at your age your mind has not yet become all that it will be, I trully beleive you will be a source of good al your life. Someday there may be a time when you want to show someone you Love that you are and were verry human. Enjoy your Life. Love Larry

Great job jovie!!!

I am so glad that you are feeling a bit better and have a plan! I do like lgm's idea of writing down the whole experience in a letter...much like journaling, it will be cathartic and cleasnsing to do so.

The volunteering is also awesome! I know that you will be a tremendous addition to the shelter that you help with.

Yes, you do have us here to talk to. We may not know each other in person, but we care very much about each other...and you can reach out to us anytime.;)

Hugs,

S.C.

Those types of background check are not looking for small misdemeanors...they are looking for bigger offenses.

If you were not detained, and the police were not called, I even doubt that a misdemeanor charge will show up on your record.

I would go ahead and submit to the check...most likely it will come back clean... and if not, then no harm done, and you will know more than you do now, right?

S.C.

I feel this is my one chance to influence someone else with my own experience:

You got caught shoplifting under 18. Grats. May as well be a right of passage. Nothing will happen to you. If you want a good story to turn your life around listen up youngin and listen good:

So 2 years ago I had a fine due from a probation that I was released from but I forgot to pay. Was like $600 and I owed it. The cops didnt care but you know what happened? My ex-wife's parents accused me of stealing tons of useless crap from their home, such as a ROLEX and some collectibles. They call the cops and tell them I haven't paid my $600 fine and had a warrant. So they come for me. And knowing my luck, I happened to have 2 percocet 5mg pills in my pocket from a script from 13 months prior. They charged me with felony drug possession for the pills that I got from a doctor but 12 months was up so it was illegal.

Go figure. Whatever. This was in November 2011. I pleaded for a deferred sentence with probation for 2 years and after that the charges would be dropped. After I do this, another county in my state arrests me for what I "stole" from my ex-wife's parents. I fought this for 10 months straight and eventually plead down again for another 2 year deferred sentence.

Bottom line: I dealt with what I had on my plate and was not scared. I went through it and soon I will be done with it with nothing on my record. Also, on march of this year I was "busted" with booze in my car on my b-day at like 2 am and the cops didn't charge me with anything but violation of probation and after fighting it for 10 months they dropped the charges because I did everything I needed to do.

Do you what you need to do and you will be fine. I understand that you are scared but you are young as your parents love and care for you no matter what and you will get past it. Learn to leave your past behind you and move onto the next day and live day to day and control only what you can.

If it makes you feel better, the cops will only arrest you for a charge (shoplifting) at the point of accusation. If you are at home afterward, you are fine. They will not send you a letter, lol. Seriously. The only reason the cops would come by your house to arrest you, you will know. They will have about 5 cars deep with tons of cops surrounding your house to arrest you.

You will be fine. Stop worrying.