Anxiety and OCD out of nowhere

Hi guys,

I'm a new member here and have read your stories. I too have the same story, I am 31 years old, husband to a great wife, and father to twin daughters. I have always regarded myself as an intellectual, as someone who has a mind that can be fully open to any possibilities. People have also recognized me as a worrier. When I was back in college I was very carefree and a happy go-lucky type of guy.

I dont know what triggered my anxiety but three years ago I started having breathing problems. Thinking it was emphysema (because I research a lot on the Internet) I went to different doctors and got tested. Came out fine and I was able to fixate on the fact that it was just my anxiety and that I shouldnt worry about it (even though its still there). Fast forward to a year from that I noticed white spots on my upper lip, I then researched on it and I though I had herpes, or HIV. It got to a point wherein my head would be heavy as hell and I would get tremors at night thinking of it and what it would do to me and my family. Got tested and things were negative, but it didnt stop there, went through a lot of doctors with the last one being a neurologist and prescribing me a CT scan so I can be at peace since I was scared I had a tumor. Turned out ok, and when I saw that result all my anxiety symtpoms were gone.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and out of nowhere a thought popped into my head. "What if the HIV test was flawed"? Then that started the huge snowball that gave me anxiety. I was quite depressed at times when I think about what would happen if I had HIV and what would happen to my family. Then saw a Psychiatrist and he diagnosed me as an OCD. After that he prescribed me Rivotril and Lexapro. I didnt take the Lexapro since I really do not want to drug this condition out. I wanted to be able to pull myself back together. After going to the psych thats the time I really got depressed because I thought I was losing my mind. I didnt know what to do or what the future holds for me and my family. Bottomline is that everytime I wake up in the morning and I try to go back to sleep I usually get mild anxiety and depressive thoughts. You see, physical anxiety symptoms like shortness of breath, heaviness of the head, neck pains, etc I CAN HANDLE. What I cant handle is depressing thoughts that get me sick to my stomach. Thoughts like I always lose to my thoughts, or Im losing my mind. And those thoughts always go in and out like waves, one minute Im ok and reassuring myself and thinking positively, the next Im obssessing about something and depressed that Im feeling like this. Im not suicidal or anything though, I can still continue with work. I just dont want to be depressed. What can I do? I do not want to be depressed all the time. It feels like everything has lost its color and I just want to rest in bed the whole day.