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Dealing With GAD and Panic (Primarily Nocturnal)

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Posted 3/20/2013 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Everyone,
I wanted to share my story and hopefully learn some things from others to help me progress and hopefully help others as well.

Event 1
My first anxiety/panic attack occurred about 10 years ago while on vacation. Sleeping in our camper one night and out of the blue I wake up in a panic. Had to get up. Felt claustrophobic. Had no idea what was happening. The remainder of the vacation was torture. I experienced the breathing issue of feeling like I had to catch my breath. I just knew something was wrong and went through a lot of tests that ruled out any physical problems.

Whenever I would lay down to try and sleep, I would feel paniky and have to get up. If I did start to fall asleep, sometimes I would get jolted awake just as I was drifting off.

For me this was followed by a pretty heavy dose of depression. Felt like crying for no reason.

I went to a sleep clinic and they knew what was wrong without even testing me. My baseline anxiety level had spiked (stress from work I'm guessing) and created the issues. I was aggressive with treating this. They gave me 3 ambien to kick-start me back on track with my sleep and I followed a very strict sleep hygiene plan. Exercised, ate right, worked on lower my stress, etc. Eventually the anxiety went away as did the depression.

I had a few nights where I felt anxious in the 5 years after and would use some ambien to stop it and let me sleep. overall, no issue to complain about.

Event 2
The next event occurred about 5 years ago. My wife accepted a job out of state. I stayed at home with our 10 year old son, kept working and dealt with trying to sell our house. My wife would travel home every other weekend. This was hard but we dealt with it. In fact, we started to grow closer. I missed my wife terribly and it was stressful but we were giving it a chance for a little while. One evening and old enemy came knocking.

BAM!! Uh oh.... Here we go again!

Same symptoms, same issue but now I recognize it. I tried coping with it myself but wasn't having much luck. The nocturnal panic attacks were producing more anxiety that carried over into the day. Lack of sleep, fear of the panic attacks and the stress of the entire situation just began to snowball. I went to my doctor and he prescribed Clonzepam .5mg. This helped but did not completely get rid of the issue. I used them as sparingly as possibly. Most times I would cut the pill in half. I would take a clonzepam 1 night and an ambien the next night in hopes of minimizing any dependency issues. I wouldn't take them every night. Some nights I was OK.

I was very emotional when this happened and especially the next day after not sleeping much at all.

My wife and I made the decision for her to quit the job out of state and come home.

After she returned I began to return to normal. I can't remember how long that actually took but everything settled back down. As before, I would have an occasional evening of mild anxiety or not being able to get to sleep. The fear of the panic returning would motivate me to take a half an ambien or clonzepam. Otherwise, nothing that wasn't very tolerable. Let me put it this way.... I still had some of my meds 5 years later.

Event 3
On December 3rd 2012 my mother passed away. My Dad passed away 8 years ago but it didn't cause me to have anxiety again. I dealt with my Mothers passing very well, I thought. She had been ill for some time and we could see her health deteriorating quickly over the last year. We didn't quite expect it this soon but nonetheless, she passed.

I didn't fall into severe depression or have debilitating grieving. Just, what I thought, normal tears of loss a few times and missing my Mom in a natural, normal way. It was just around Christmas when that old enemy came knocking again....

BAM!! Oh no.... not again!!

Same stuff again. This time seemed a little worse. I became more fearful of going to bed. I dreaded to see darkness coming because I knew bedtime would be soon. I started feeling emotional (wanting to cry) for no apparent reason other than perhaps I am grieving. I wouldn't be walking around thinking "I miss my Mom and can't take it". Don't get me wrong... my Mom and I were close and loved each other a great deal. She always told me she loved me several times I seen her or spoke with her. Just the way she was. A great mom.

Some nights when I would be too anxious to stay in bed or would have an attack and rush out of bed I would end up in my lazy-boy. This I could tolerate. For some reason, laying down would trigger the panic or just raise my anxiety level to a point where I just could stay in bed. If I had a stuffy nose or post nasal drainage this would aggravate it and make the anxiety/panic come on.

I also had a panic attack while at a church one evening. Felt claustrophobic sitting in the middle. My wife notice I was fidgety and so we moved to the back where it was more open and I was OK. Never had this before

This followed with more feelings of wanting to cry. Which I did and felt better. Grieving...anxiety....both?

This time I decided to seek help. I went to see my doctor (actually not my normal Dr. but all that was available quickly). She prescribed me with Clonzepam .5mg and instructed me to take 1 per day for 1 week until I could get into the anxiety and depression center at a very reputable hospital near me. I did this and the Clonzepam allowed me to sleep every night.

Not dealing with the panic at night and the anxiety that builds up as a result alleviated a lot of the depression symptoms. I believe the anxiety and panic attacks generate the depression. If I sleep good... no depression.

1 week later I got in for an assessment. It was determined that I had mild GAD and was experiencing panic attacks. They explained their philosophy of using CBT with exposure to treat my condition. I expressed that I am a willing and eager patient. They expressed that they thought I would be able to address this quickly because I am willing to do the work.

about 1 week later I begin seeing my therapist. We talk about exposure and how it works. makes sense to me and I'm ready to give it my best. She tells me that when I do have a panic attack in bed to stay there.... do not get up and try to escape it.

So here I go ready to face the enemy. Well..... when it's 11:30 at night, your sleepy and anxious and you begin to drift off and then are awoken with a jolt of panic..... makes a grown man tremble. Yeah.... I got up quickly.

Oh boy, this is going to be harder than I thought. How in the heck can I manage and stay in the moment when I'm half asleep, scared and the entire house is asleep?

I explain this to my therapist (who I am seeing 1x per week) and she gives me more coping strategies. Nothing works. So she gives me the liberty to try to stay in bed but turn the TV on if it will help me stay in bed. I do try this but not with consistent success.... and here is why...

When I wake up in a panic and am able to stay in bed and turn the TV on I eventually become sleepy and begin to dose off. Each time I dose off I am jolted awake with panic. Repeating this over and over just wears on me and I end up giving in.

Then, the next evening my anxiety level is so high (think just on the edge of panic without the panic peaking) and the thought of trying to lay down is overwhelming. If I can't manage to even try to lay down how can I even attempt to get through the exposure?

So I begin using straw breathing practice each day to induce some panic and learn to deal with the exposure. I do have some panic the first time and make it through. Then no panic the next time, or the next, or the next, etc. This past Sunday I had a bad night. I wasn't anxious when I went to bed but as I began to fall asleep I was jolted awake with panic. I tried staying in the moment but just couldn't. I tried to sit up and watch TV to see if my anxiety level would come down but then I would dose off and be awoken by panic again. It became unbearable so I got up.

I was so anxious I couldn't even relax in my lazy boy for a while. I did eventually calm down and tried to go back to bed but was too anxious to stay laying in bed. I ended up falling asleep in my lazy boy about 2:30 AM. I woke up at 4:40 and got in bed. But then at 6:00 AM I woke up with anxiety and slight panic.

Monday night I was such a ball of nerves that I was just pacing the floor. Couldn't even sit still let alone try to go to bed. My wife (who is so supportive of me) is getting very concerned. She says she has noticed that my symptoms have worsened. She suggested I give in and take a Clonzepam. I didn't even try. I took a Clonzepam and it chilled me right out. I slept fine.

Earlier Monday I had my yearly physical with my long time GP. He is aware of all of these events. I discussed my current treatment (CBT) with him and he supports it but is wondering why I am not also on medication. He suggested Zoloft for 6-12 months. I told him I would consider it but would like to get to the root of the problem instead of masking it with meds.

Well, after Monday nights deal..... I am now seriously considering some type of meds to help. I am hoping I can do CBT with some meds as well and still get the root of the problem like CBT is designed to do. Hopefully not a Zoloft for that long but perhaps Klonzepam as needed?

I have decided to take the Clonzepam each night until a decision is made. That part of the exposure is just too freaking hard for me right now. I am concerned with taking it too long though.

I keep my therapist informed via email and she just responded stating that it seems my anxiety may be getting worse because I am not able to resist the urge to use avoidance or safety behaviors and that is preventing me from making the anxiety manageable. Without following through it's making it worse.

We will be discussing my suggestion for using meds during my next appointment.

Looking forward to hearing from you.
Posted 3/20/2013 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
SunandSand

Welcome to HealingWell. You've found a safe, secure, and reliable support community for people battling a range of health issues. We have many  fellow members here who will be glad to lend an ear, offer information, and provide support for when you need it.

I was dx in 1984 with GAD and then came the depression.  Sometimes it is hard to know which starts first as anxiety and depression frequently go hand in hand.

In 2006 I had a major melt down and decided I would take early retirement from the career but I was so sad and anxious all the time, unable to sleep and trying many of the antidepressants under the care of my Pdoc that I truly felt I would never get better. 

Nocturnal panic attacks are triggered when the body transitions from stage two sleep, which is light, to stage three sleep, which is deep sleep. It feels to me like you had just what I experienced, you could not get to sleep and the harder you tried the higher your anxiety goes.  I could go to bed at 11:00 PM and still be awake at 4:00 AM by this time in tears and panic mode as I had to get up for work at 5:15 and I was worrying how I could possible work on no sleep.

I saw a therapist and I did pick up some wisdom re dealing with the stress, anxiety, insomnia and anxiety.  However, I took medication almost right from the time I was dx.  I was on one med that worked well for 10 - 12 years and it was one I took at bedtime but for some reason it fizzled out and then it was a lot of trial and error with the meds. Some I would tolerate for a couple of years and than the sx escalated.

My Pdoc is not a huge fan of the benzos but she does write me a RX for a very low dose of Valium.  However, the drug that I refer to as my wonder drug is Trazodone as one of it's side effects is drowsiness.  The first night I took it was OK but I still had trouble getting to sleep.  The second night I slept like a baby and I continue to take this med at low dose (150mg).  My range is 50 mg to 150 mg.  Trazodone is a sedating antidepressant , which means that it is likely to cause drowsiness. Trazodone is especially useful as a sleep aid in people with depression, since it is effective for both insomnia and depression. 

I know we are all individuals and bodies reaction to medications are unique to just us.  I have read of some people being on 25mg of Trazodone at bedtime so finding your target sometimes takes patience. 

I  am sharing what works for me just fyi and it may be worth talking it over with your Dr.

Good for you for seeking help  from the medical community when you needed to.

Keep talking with us as well. There is 100% acceptance and support here from those who understand.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 3/20/2013 6:56 PM (GMT 0)
I have had this and just had it again the other night, for me it helps if I drink a glass or two of water, not sure why this helped, my dad used to have anxiety until he got about 60 years old, and I remember calling him in a panic one night, "I keep jolting awake, my heart racing and I feel like I stop breathing or something and it's waking me up" dad said to me "drink a full glass of water or so, it will help" so I did and it really does work for me, not sure what the significance is, but I do know one thing, I'm learning more and more as I go along, my ph is more acidic than it should be, and my proteins and minerals get shifted around, this seems to affect me with anxiety for some reason, I never knew this until just recently.
Posted 3/20/2013 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi S&S,

You have received some great advice and support already, but I will add just a bit more, and welcome you, because you can never have enough well wishes, right?

Thanks for sharing your story. Much of it rings true with many of us here. We know well the torture of nocturnal panic.:(

Whatever you and your doctor and therapist decide on as far as medications go...know that you have our support. Everyone is different with different needs...and therefore we have different ways of coping with our anxiety and deciding on a path to healing.

Two things that I will share with you are techniques that I have found really effective in calming even the most alarming panic wake-me-ups.

One is positive mantras. The words that we say to ourselves have power. The negative thoughts bring on the anxiety right? Therefore it maks sense that postive ones serve as the antidote. If awakened and feeling panicky/symptomatic I might reapeat to myself:

"I am okay, this is only anxiety making me feel this way, and anxiety can't hurt me."

or

"I have experienced this before and gotten through it...I can do it again."

I do this as well as my favorite breathing exercise. It takes some concentration and therefore put you in a place of being pro-active about the panic, instead of a passive sufferer! Here are directions for it.:)

The Divided Breath:

Imagine your lungs as having 3 parts. The bottom third, the middle, and top third. On the inhale fill the bottom third first, then the middle and finally the third. Make sure that this is one continuous breath, but divided, with a slight pause in between each third. Hold the breath in for 3-5 seconds if possible. Exhale in reverse. First blow out the top third, then the middle, and finally the bottom third of your lungs until all air is expelled. (remember the pauses) Repeat several rounds for a toatal of about 10 minutes. Practicing this every day will not only give you control and structure to your breathing, it will strengthen and loosen the thoractic muscles, allowing better, more productive breathing, and relieving the chest tightness!

 

Keep posting with us!  It is really helpful to talk with others who understand.  Keep us udated as to your progress, and we will keep cheering you on!:)

 

Scaredy Cat

Posted 3/20/2013 8:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

Welcome to HW good to meet you and glad you have found this page. You will find a lot of support here from people who can relate to what you are going through. You have already had some great advice so I just wanted to pop in and say hi.

Hibee
Posted 3/20/2013 9:44 PM (GMT 0)
Same exact symptoms about sleep, I use to think something or someone had woke me up,
wish there had been a forum back then, ordinary people didnt even have a computer.

Larry ***
Posted 3/20/2013 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome and advice.

Larry,
Did you have a fear of going to bed as a result? I do.

Did you overcome it?
Posted 3/21/2013 1:20 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, with meds and my Faith, if it happens now days I just roll over and go back to sleep.
My Grandmother was full blood American Indian she told me that her Father use to have a saying
If a warrior knew where he was going to be killed he wouldn’t go near the place.

Avoidance of a unpleasant place or situation is not necessarily a bad thing,
I have had the startled jump many times along with the palps, none of these things
will really hurt you, everyone has their own way of fighting this condition I use to talk to
Panic like it was a person I didnt like. "go away you sob I'm not afraid of you".
In time it started to help, but the meds and group therapy did just as much.

Larry ***
Posted 3/21/2013 2:09 AM (GMT 0)
hi there
wanted to share something that might help... i do not suffer panic attacks or sleep problems my problem is anxiety and constant tension and worry but ive always been an anxious person and had some random panic attacks growing up
so i was camping with my boyfriend and some friends had an amazing time but in the morning i woke up and i didn't even have to open my eyes to know i was in a full blow panic attack... the tend was tiny and had gotten really clammy i was roasting and felt like i was suffocating it was a horrible attack... after that i became so hypersensitive about my breathing constant feeling like i wasn't getting a proper breath or shortness of breath it was extremely bad at night and trying to sleep was really hard to relax and switch off.i appreciate you have the root issues to deal with but here are some things that made me feel relaxed and comfortable in my bed again
1. most important .. i moved my bed against my window and i had a really high bed so drifting off i would have my window open a tiny bit and hold my arm up to the gap where the draft came through i can't tell you enough how comfortable this made me i had to get an extra blanket coz my room ended up cold but the breeze and the comfort of an open window was great for me.
2. tv was a no for me i would get relaxed and switch of from my breathing and end up in a panic coz i felt like i was forgetting to breath. my ipod was a saviour especially a playlist you know the words to that you can sing along to in your head or hum...
3. a really hot bath before bed i know sounds dangerous have your wife check on you lol but try and switch off while your in the bath.. have the bath piping hot and stay in it untill you feel like you can't stay awake , and get straight in your bed.
4.also a nightlight helped me. i don't know maybe it was just me but in the pitch darkness waking up in a panic i always felt terrified a little dim light made me more comfortable

anyway if you have not tryed any of these please do they helped me so much and i wish u well in your upcoming appointments to get the more serious side dealt with in the meantime give these little comforts a go!

j x
Posted 3/21/2013 1:02 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the responses.

Some of my main issues with trying to work through the CBT (at least what I can deduce) is that my baseline anxiety in the evening is so high it makes trying to go to bed seem impossible.

Larry, I hear what you're saying but I can't avoid my bed. I understand and agree with what my therapist is trying to get me to do but it just feels to difficult at this time. When I wake up in a panic or even am laying there awake with that high level of anxiety (not in full panic mode) I just have this irresistable urge to get up and get out of that bed. It's not so much I feel like I can't breath or my heart is racing to the point I fear having a heart attack. I guess it's more like just plane fear.

Then if I do manage to stay put.... getting the anxiety level to come down enough to sleep has been impossible up to now. So then what do I do? My therapist wants me to stay put and continue to ride it out. It becomes a test of endurance that is difficult to follow through with in the middle of the night and with all the other factors.

Yesterday evening I was feeling pretty anxious and aven a little emotional (wanted to cry a little). I tried following Scardy Cat's breathing exercise to calm down but couldn't stay with it for long. I then tried aome relaxation exercises along with a CD and that lasted about 3 minutes. Just too freaking anxious and figity to stay put.

It's like a motor is running in my body and my mind. Then the added amotional element just makes it even more intollerable. Not sure if that part of it is a result of the anxiety or that I'm still grieving from my Mother's death on a sub-concious level and this feeling and the anxiety are a bi-product of this.

JX
I appreciate your advice. I'll consider it. opening the window is not feasible as it's been in the teens here. My wife is recovering from pneumonia and that would be bad for her.

In all honesty..... I am hoping to overcome this without adding avoidance measures and adopting habits that I become reliant upon to help my mind think all is well. I guess that's what the CBT is designed to do. Is it possible for me? I don't know yet.

This event (#3) seems worse than the previous 2. I hang on knowing that I eventually came out of the previous 2 and got back to glorious sleeping patterns with only slight flare ups (maybe 5 per year at a level 2-3 out of 10).

Even so, I want to learn to manage this so hpefully it doesn't come back again or f it does, not so bad.

That being said, I know I have to focus on the "now". I'm seriously considering trying to use meds as part of my recovery. I've been taking .5mg Clonzepam each night for the last 3 nights and sleeping well. Not sure how long I can/should use it though.

My primary care physician suggested Zoloft for 6-12 months. I'm still open and considering this but I don't want it to get in the way of getting to and dealing with the root cause. If I can come out of this like I did before and then continue to work on the issues that make my baseline anxiety higher... perhaps I'll lesson the risk of this happening again?

Also, if I do go the Zoloft route, is the idea of it to get my brain functions back on track so my Amygdala quits over reacting? I don't want to be on meds long term (if I can help it).

I'm trying not to read too much about it everyday. My mind seems to be on my anxiety all day and by the evening I think it makes me feel more anxious.

Last week I had 2 evenings of blissful sleep with no anxiety. The following days were also anxiety free (or at my normal level) and all was wonderful. This was without any meds.

The weeks prior to this week were maybe 2-3 nights out of 7 that were bad. I was taking cold medication and maybe that helped me sleep. regardless, it wasn't as bad as now. So I am doing something to fuel my anxiety.

My CBT has been focused strictly on facing the exposure. Nothing else. My therapist beleives I need to do this step before working on the other areas. If I understand correctly so that I can re-train my mind to realize the panics are not dangerous and that will lead them to lesson and eventually not be a problem and hopefully disapear.

But I can't seem to convince myself to stay put during the exposure at night. Even when I prepare my mind before going to bed as to what to do if it happens. It just overwhelms me.

I can get through my exposure exercises during the day such as straw breathing. This does produce panic 2 out of 10 times. Mainly when my anxiety level is high. This is designed to condition me to be able to get the some exposure and then build up to the harder exposures (e.g. going to bed, etc)

Uh.... it's a tough gig.
Posted 3/21/2013 4:16 PM (GMT 0)
It is tough...but don't be discouraged!!!

It does get better and easier with time.

The breathing exercise that I gave you is not an easy one. It is however the only one that really helped me. It took time and practice, but it was worth the effort.

CBT is the same way. You have to be patient, as it is not a quick or easy fix...but then most good effective treatments aren't, right?

I supplimented my time in therapy with self-help techniques that really helped me. I basically went to my library, got all of the A/P books that I could get my hands on...read them, and took from each all that was helpful/aplicable to me and my situation. I basically customize a self-help program for myself.:)

You may want to try the same, or check out our CBT downloads in our Resources for extra work you can do on your own at home.

Keep up the good work, and posting with us. We are here to cheer you on!

S.C.

Posted 3/21/2013 7:52 PM (GMT 0)
S&S I hope I didn’t give the impression that I was suggesting to avoid your bed, I just wanted to assure you that this feeling was shared by many of us.

What I am going to say is sort of hard but when put to the test its pretty real for me at least,
"With me its the fear of death, having to deal with the experience of dying, being aware that I am going".
How does one deal with such a feeling/thought, I have come to the conclusion that my fear of death was due to not resolving the issues between me and my Creator.
I was in a ski resort in Canada late at night, laying in bed feeling my heart thump in my chest, (I think I was listening for it to quit, "why") I could even hear the springs in the innerspring mattress make a noise". I got out of bed and got on my knees on the floor of the bedroom, I was ready to concede to God what ever control He wanted over me, I just wanted to stop the fear. My prayer was not fancy, I asked God to either kill me or stop the fear. I walked around for while and went back to bed. At this time I was taking 3 of the blue xanax every day, I would go forward as far as God would allow, several days later I had to take a plane back to DFW from Montreal, I hate to fly, strange for an X Paratrooper but I didn’t like to jump either I did it for the extra pay. Once we were in level flight and the cart came by I ordered two double Jack on Ice, I started sipping on the first one, next thing I knew we were descending to DFW my drinks had turned to water. I had slept through the whole thing. after several days at home I realized I had not use any xanax sense that night in Montreal,
Anyone can make anything out of my experience they want, I am sure it was one or maybe two things, Either I had experienced a sort of Miracle or my mind had shifted gears. See I had been a control freak all my life, that’s why I hated flying they wouldn’t let me take control of the plane, I didn’t trust anyone with my life or safety, even God, Up until that time I had not ever given even God that much control over me. I thought.
I don’t know if it was ego or arrogance, it really did not matter you see when I stopped being afraid of death Panic/anxiety no longer had any power over me.
It still tried, many times, but I would just take a half xanax and push through, it still tried to nail me but after I figured out the only thing panic had to use to terrify me was the fear of death I am able to tell panic I just dont have time for you. The experience of one facing their mortality is shocking, terrifying expierence. "I worked this out in my mind like a short video". There's a knock at the door, I say who is it, answer, I'm your mortality, I say go away I'm busy today, it says, I will keep knocking on your door until you open up and embrace me, bs I aint hugging that pos, Finally I was wore down and no place to go and I opened the door,
my mortality stepped forward and embraced me and kissed me full on the mouth, a shocking wet kiss, I stepped back and looked at this horrifying, unavoidable, spectre, and cried for myself,then I finally accepted that one day I must die!
There is no longer the night terrors in by heart, I know what I must face on the given day, But I promise all of you "I will not die every day". I will only do this one time, period!
I guess after writing this I am now "certified".
Love to all
Larry ***

Post Edited (lgm1942) : 3/21/2013 2:24:11 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/21/2013 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for sharring this Larry. Not much time to respond right now as I'm heading to church tonight for prayer. Kind of ironic huh?

Met with my therapist today and she said its my decision to use meds or not but the best thing I could do is to bare with it get through the exposure. Stick out and stay in that bed I want so much to jump out of. I told her one ok f my biggest obstacles is the high constant anxiety and emotions that come after. She said that's expected.

Toughing it out and staying in bed is so hard for me.
Posted 3/21/2013 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
Here's the thing.

I used to suffer from nocturnal panic attacks because of a medication I was taking. Now I don't.

My therapist actually had the exact opposite advice of the one you are going to. She said just lying there in a panic and feeling anxious would lead me to associate sleep and my bed with anxiety more.

If I couldn't sleep after 30 minutes, she wanted me to get up and do something else.

I've actually found that it's helped a lot. I spend much of the night working on relaxation exercises or distracting myself with boring activities until I am able to sleep. Then, when I get into bed, I fall asleep extremely quickly. I'm not just lying there feeling anxious the entire time.

I don't want to go against what your therapist is saying! I know exposure is part of a lot of therapy programs for anxiety. It just seems like usually with exposure, the therapist doesn't "flood" you with whatever you fear most right away. You work up to it; you don't just try what you fear most right at once.

For example, she might have you try to lie in your bed during the day or taking a nap as one of the steps, and if you could tolerate that, moving on things that cause more anxiety until you work up to lying in your bed during a panic attack.

I want to be careful to state here that I am NOT a doctor but I have studied psychology extensively as my major.

I debated whether to post this...I don't want to confuse you. But it might be worth it to bring it up with the therapist.

I hope you feel better soon...Night-time anxiety is the worst, most frightening experience I have had.
Posted 3/22/2013 1:16 AM (GMT 0)
Larry, I also think for myself that I get relief when I talk to God, or pray, it's been awhile since I sat down and really had a good convo with him, I was watching a lot of Kent Hovind videos, about a year ago that helped me A TON for a good while, I was really at ease with life and death, it was as if my soul was thirsty for God, then eventually I had felt so good for so long, I stopped watching and reading, and it all caught back up with me, I kept thinking to join a church, but I don't fully believe that it's a good idea sometimes, I worry about the pureness of the priest/pastor/reverend etc. and I remember a passage in the bible somewhere said something along the lines of you don't need a church to find God and something about just talking to him on your own was as good if not better, wish I could remember where I read it at, but I think sometimes too that going to a church would possibly be a good thing for me.

I like how you basically confronted your demon and embraced it, I hope the same for all of us here that we can do the same, I'm a very strong willed woman, always have been, but this one weakness kicks my ass and I hate it, I think I need to do what you did and tell it to kiss my ass!

You remind me a lot of my dad and I'm very close to him, both of you have overcame anxiety, I will do the same, hopefully sooner than later cause I'm tired of it. lol

-Jessica
Posted 3/22/2013 6:12 AM (GMT 0)
Jessi, sickem! "I know your Heart"

Larry ***
Posted 3/22/2013 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
Avrielle,
You make some very good points. I'll discuss this with her next week. She does have me doing other "exposure" exercises to help build up such as starw breathing for 15 minutes 2x per day. She also wants me to begin sitting with a blanket around me and over my head while sipping a hot drink to see if that will produce panic symptoms and sit through that. I'm going to start doing that this weekend.

I did discuss my situation and thought about meds in conjunction with CBT. She said the decision is mine (of course) but that no medication and exposure is the best method. She did say they are not suprised by my ellevated level of anxiety as this is expected during the treatment. If I can successfully follow through with the exposure and the anxiety it will eventually begin to come down.

I told her that I would give it my best but if it gets to a level that it just feels unbearable I will take a Clonzepam (Klonopin). She said that if I do to try to make the ratio of not taking it higher than when I do.

Had a great night last night. No anxiety and slept through the night.

My therapy report would say that's not really good because I didn't get a chance to have an exposure (which consistency and following through is a key factor to success). But I welcome it anyway.
Posted 3/23/2013 2:02 PM (GMT 0)
Guy's,
Hoping to get some coping advice. As I've stated above, I want to make an effort to stay in the "exposure" when I wake up during the night with either panic or even just low to moderate anxiety. The exposure process states that I am not to do any distraction or protection activities but ro just be in the m ok ment and observe. In other words don't try to stop the anxiety or panic.

My problem is that I find the urge to get up so strong.

I slept last night even though my anxiety level was about 3+ when I went to bed. I woke up about 3:40 AM in a very slight panic. I t huh ink I was sleeping on my back and that will wake my up at times even if I'm not anxious. Usually I'll just roll over and go to sleep.

This morning when it happened I got up, used the rest room and went right back to bed. I felt the anxiety and it was enough to make me uncomfortable with laying in bed. So it's now 3:45 in the morning, I'm slightly anxious and I want to sleep. I also know in my mind this is the prime opportunity to stay in the moment and experience this all important "exposure".

But my subconcious takes over and I get back up. I then make the quick decision to take half a Clonazepam. After about 30 minutes I lay back down and go to sleep. The quality of sleep is not good and about 7:45 I wake uo anyway and still feeling slightly anxious.

So the big question is: How can I convice myself to just keep my butt in bed regardless of what time it is?

My wife is sleeping next to me and I want to be quiet. I know I can turn the TV on because she said I could and my therapist said I could if it will help me stay put. In the moment I know these things and I know I should but I still get my a** up!

It's a decision. It's like knowing you shouldn't have that piece of cake but you just do it anyway.

I think it's the odd time and being conditioned that I should be sleeping or trying to (and wanting to) at all costs.

Why can't I follow through?

I wasn't panicking, wasn't breathing fast etc... just a little anxious, wanted it go awaway and to sleep. But I want to get through this exposure.

Post Edited (SunandSand) : 3/23/2013 8:16:22 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/23/2013 9:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sandandsun,
I was reading through your blog and I was wondering if you have been checked out for sleep apnea? I have it, and when I don't where my mask, I wake up in panic mode because I stop breathing and it scares me. Makes you feel like you can't catch your breath which in turn brings on the panic. Just a suggestion for something you may want to look into.
Jazzy
Posted 3/23/2013 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hey S&S,

What are you doing during the day as far as anxiety management goes?  Also, what does your winding down/bedtime routine consist of? 

I ask because practicing your coping skills such as breathing/relaxing and meditation during the day could possibly lower your anxiety enough, that going to bed and staying asleep could start to be easier for you. 

I am guessing that you have cut out caffeine, and that you know about turning off televsion and devices with bright lights such as the computer and smart phones/i-pads well before you plan to sleep. (the lights interfere with Melatonin production and our natural sleep rhythms)  These are all things that will set you up for a restless night.

Exercising and getting a good cardio workout (but again, not too close to bedtime!) can also help you to get better sleep.

Working on what your therapist is having you do with the exposure is great...but I wonder if just trying to lower your overall anxiety, and just getting quality sleep isn't also a good plan!  Afterall, if that eliminates the noctural panic and helps with your stress levels in general...then it is a win-win!;p

Best wishes.

S.C.

Posted 3/24/2013 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
S&S I didnt know there was a name for what you are trying to do, I came to the decision after several years
to start riding out my Panic attacks, it seemed to be a slow but sure process, after I began to realize they
would not kill me I felt more confident it may well have been a turning point for me even thou I started using
my xanax to get a decent nights sleep.
"none of us who suffer P/A seem to need horror movies for entertainment"! lol

Larry ***
Posted 3/24/2013 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
I find this interesting.  While I do have erratic sleep patterns, I never have panic attacks at night.  I may have that uneasy, nagging, behind the scenes type of aniety, but not full blown attacks. 

Unfortunately my attacks happen during the day.  Some are situational; driving on the highway, and road ways sometimes in general, having to discuss business to a larger group, but also sometimes to a couple people.  Then some panic seems to come out of nowhere.  I will be in the grocery store and it will hit me hard, like I just have to get out of the situation. 

Growing up, even as a young child, and into teenage years, I always knew there was this underlying issue.  As if I felt wired, but never had panic.  I grew up with a father that had anxiety and panic and it hit him hard in his 30's.  I am the middle child of 3 and I do know I was a worry wart from birth, and more emotional.

I had a panic attack on the highway in my early 20's heading up to a training class for 2 weeks about an hour and half from where I live.  It was snowing badly and I just started to feel like an out of body experience, like I was watching above myself.  Felt I could pass out, my heart raced etc. I could not pull over because traffic was thick and slow. 

Since that point I had attacks off and on, but with many years in between.  So I just assumed my panic was a by product of my worry and anxiety that was otherwise tolerable for the most part.

However, 2007 I started to have major panic attacks in front of people for what seemed to be no reason.  It happened in front of my Rotary club each time I had to get on the podium and speak.  It happend a few times in front of clients.  So I had to cave and get Klonopin from my GP.  He wanted to put me on anti-depressants, but I refused.  They only made my dad worse, so I was afraid. 

I met with 4 different psychologists until I found a good fit.  Went to him for a year and CBT helped a bit, but he said as long as I walk right back into stress overload (my work life), it really impacts the quality of the treatment.  He said my nervous system kicked into constant fight or flight, and going into that environment makes CBT that much harder to practice.  He does not believe anxiety and panic is a mental disorder.  He firmly believes it is a learned behavior based on my father's response to life, and also some trauma when I was younger.  Not sure what I believe.  Sure feels like a mental disorder to me.

I recently had to drive for training again about 2 1/2 hours away.  I was freaking out.  I now take 2.5 mg of Klonopin for those occassions, but still have break through episodes on the highway.  Having the window cracked a bit even in the winter helps, as does breathing techniques.  I did cave and agree to 10 mg of Lexapro about 4 months ago, but I feel it is not working.  I take about 1.5 mg of Klonopin most days now and was really hoping the Lexapro would help wean me off Klonopin to the point of only taking a little as needed again.  I do skip a day of K here and there when I have nothing to do. Just feel jittery, but I am usually home when I do a day off of K.

I'm really at a loss as to this longest episode ever in my life and fear I will never know what if feels like not to have this terrible afflication.  I have to work, and I work in a high stress field, and one in which I deal with clients daily, so I have to control my anxiety/panic for my livelihood.  I just don't know what else to do at this point......

I don't have panic at night, edgy maybe, and terrible sleep, but not panic?  I am freaking out because I have to drive in a snow storm to work (30 minutes away) tomorrow and I only have 1 MG of Klonopin until tomorrow night's prescription is filled.  I used more than normal for that longer training drive just to get through it. 

Not much help to SS, but I just found it interesting how anxiety can manifest differently in each one of us.... frustrated that I still have not found solid solutions......

 Virgo girl

 

Posted 3/24/2013 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
It seems, with the therapy I am participating in, that exposure re- trains the amygdala to not respond to the triggers. Gets in back in its rightful place. I think this also requires maintinence even after we get it under control.

It teaches it to be bored with those triggers that shouldn't really be causing our
fight or flight to kick in and cause panic.

It makes sense. They tell me this has a 70-90% long term success rate where as other treatments has significantly lower success rates. It is evidence based. I hope it works for me. The critical part of being succesful with this is following all of the steps including doing the exposure every day for long enough to let the panic peak and come down, no protection behaviors, no avoiding behaviors and observing the symptoms during the panic instead of trying to stop the panic. In fact, they want you to have a "bring it on" give me more attitude.

This suppsedly makes the amydala realize there's no need for the flight or flight for that trigger.

This is very much like the Panic Away process.

They tell me the first order of business is the exposure and then working on relaxation, stress relief, etc.

Post Edited (SunandSand) : 3/24/2013 12:55:48 PM (GMT-6)

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