I need reassurance.

I need some reassurance. It's going to be a long story...

Six months ago, I went to a psychiatrist to treat my anxiety disorder. End up I'm classified as being in the early stages of psychosis.

My main symptoms then were hearing people talking about me when I'm walking alone on the streets, feeling that people are looking and commenting on me. I think that's because of my extreme anxiety when I'm alone in public and I'd start to over think. I'd be thinking I walk weirdly when in public.

Also, I'm unable to eat in public as my anxieties will shoot through the roof.

My psychiatrist prescribed me paroxetine 20mg. I had major side effects after two doses! I experienced excessive drowsiness, lost my appetite completely, brain zaps, shakiness, hot flashes and chills, palpitations, extreme panic attacks. My brother brought me to ER. Then I experienced stiffness on my legs. Doctor gave me clonazepam to calm me down and took blood tests. I stayed at the hospital for a few hours before I was discharged. The diagnosis was probable overdose of medication.

This incident brought my anxiety to a whole new level! When I told my psychiatrist about it, she didnt seem concerned. Just asked me if I want more clonazepam. I told her straight I DO NOT WANT MEDICATIONS.

Since then, Ive become a hypochondriac. I'm scared of every medication. And every little sensations set me on a panic attack! I just had an ECG and during the ECG my heart suddenly started beating fast and I could feel a warm feeling around my heart. I keep thinking if the ECG continues I may die. I keep thinking that the ECG will change some electrical thing in my heart and my heart will lose rhythm and I'll die.

After the ECG my heart rate slows down again. But I felt dizzy. The doctor commented on the fast heart rate and attributes it to anxiety. Other than that, everything is fine.

While writing this, I experienced a sharp pain on my left chest and immediately went into panic state. I am ever on alert on every bodily sensations and would think my heart is going to stop working and I'm going to die. Especially now I've just recovered from dengue fever, I still feel weak and fatigue and so not myself. I would wake up in the middle of the night in panic, gasping for air! Quit my job due to the fatigue. Doctor says that after dengue, some ppl will take up to 6 months to resume work. I'm at my third week and certainly hope I'll get my energy back soon! But with the worrying and gastritis, I doubt so. :(

Before the paroxetine, I'm not like that! I just fear being alone in public or eating in public. But after the meds, I fear everything. I kept thinking that paroxetine had altered my body, brain and heart chemistry and I'd die or get allergic reactions when I take any meds or tests. And the thing is that...the physical sensations are very real and I'd keep on worrying till I had tests to show that I'm fine. I'm planning for MRI but fear the enclosed space. Also fear that the magnetic force will make my heart lose rhythm and I'd die during MRI.

Currently I'm obssessed with the sensations I got during ECG and the sensations I get now. I keep feeling my pulse, noting any pain or uncomfortable sensations. I just couldn't convince myself that it's anxiety and not real. I know it's not normal but I can't help it.

In case you don't know what paroxetine is, the generic name is Paxil. Two doses of it alters my life completely. Now I'm stuck with anxiety, panic attacks and being a hypochondriac. I don't know how long I'd stay this way. I keep thinking I'd die from some heart disease like myocarditis since I just recovered from dengue. My mother tried to reassure me by telling me to buck up, be more courageous, dying isn't a scary thing. It's not helping :(

Thanks for reading...I really need reassurance from someone that understands. And I need a lot of strength and courage to go through this. Every day I think I'm dying.

Hi Ev. Sorry about the rough time you are having. A good therapist might help you deal with some of this. An "I will beat this" mindset may help too. With some help, you CAN get better and enjoy life.

Being afraid of the MRI is nothing unusual -- many people don't like the confined space. Some people will take a small dose of xanax (or something like that) before doing it. The MRI is extremely safe -- so it will not harm you assuming you don't have any metal in your body -- but the confined space makes some people nervous. You could ask about an "open MRI' which eliminates that issue, though the image quality tends not to be as good. So there's a trade off.

Panic/Anxiety symptoms are unisex, men and women suffer 95% of the same feelings, pains, thoughts,
you will be better, you will emerge on the other side and you will survive.
If you take the time to read the other posts you will feel like your reading something you wrote yourself.

Lots of good people here to help and walk with you.

Larry ***

Here you go.;)

http://www.amazon.com/Treating-Health-Anxiety-Cognitive-Behavioral-Approach/dp/1572309989

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Health-Anxiety-David-Veale/dp/1845298241

S.C.