Bad Day

I thought things were going decently and that my boyfriend was trying to be understanding of my anxiety. It's a long story (which I posted a week or so ago), but jist of it is that I just recently found out that I have an anxiety issue and I've basically torn my relationship apart (my own fault) due to it. We are supposed to be taking a trip on the long weekend for 4 days and now my bf is going to bail on it because he is uspet with my anxiety and is not fully believing me. He thinks that I just make it up. He wanted to take some space from each other, which I have given him for 2 weeks and he advised he would be picking me up the morning of the trip. Today he is going back on that and I know it shouldn't be the end of the world, but of course my mind jumps to conclusions and I get panicky which never helps the situation because I become very clingy and try to be understood (which also fails frequently). I feel like a crazy person today, and I feel like he's also labelled me as such. I always jump to the worst conclusion which is how the original fight began, and now all I can think is that if we don't go and he doesn't forgive me, than it will be my fault for ruining everything. This makes time number 2 this week for hiding in the bathroom at work and panicking/crying because I cannot keep it together. I actually think the meds are making a small difference though it's too early to tell, and now it's too late because I've managed to push another person away. He was mad with me because I made a million excuses prior to knowing that this is a lot of anxiety, thinking maybe I was bi-polar, or I was BPD (the downside of panicking and googling everything in desperation to fix it and not have him walk away) because I would get so angry or frustrated sometimes.

Well put by Larry!!!

I can't really add much, but to say that you need to work on yourself...for well, yourself. You deserve to be a happy, well adjusted person, but you can't let holding on to your boyfriend be your motivation...it should be for YOU!

If things don't work out (although I really hope they do for you) the next step you will want to take is to fully focus on your recovery and learning your coping skills.

In this way, you go into your next relationship (or maybe re-starting things with your current b.f.) a whole, healthy person, body, mind and soul.:)

I know that things are very hard right now. I am sure that you are feeling many emotions about this, but if you remember one thing, it is that you are your own best advocate, and you deserve to be well and supported by your loved ones.

Hugs going out to you!

S.C.

AA,

Good Morning.  I posted to your first thread and I am sorry to read that the boyfriend is now responding the way you hoped he would not.  Remember it is not your fault he is choosing to behave the way he is.  You cannot control him but you can control your feelings thow it takes a lot of hard work.

What your experiencing isn't an anomaly, and women are more likely than men to be victims of what's known as partner abandonment.

Your job to concentrate on you and learning how to decrease your anxiety is even tougher in the absence of emotional support. May I ask if you have a suppport group - family members, friends, therapist to support you during this tough time ?

When the problems seem gargantuan, I encourage you to step back and hone in on one thing you can change and focus on improving just that area of your life.  Use discipline and focus to stay on track.

Practice positive affirmations and any negative thoughts or comments you make about yourself turn them into positive statements. 

Larry said it well and the way I would have said it if you were a good friend asking me for advice and we were sitting together having coffee.

Anxiety is ugly but the only way to get rid of it or decrease it is to accept that you are a person with anxiety and you have no choice but to deal with it.  Beating yourself up is never the answer my new friend.

Be well,

Kitt

 

Well most of what I say or share is from learning the hard way, I don't want that for any of you.

After several years of trying to do something to change my Wifes struggle, I had to make a decision for me,
this was years before I joined the PAD club. I thought of what my life might be like without her, maybe with
someone else without her problems, I came to the conclusion that I didnt want anyone else regardless of how
nice it might have been just to go out and eat, etc. I had become a part of her, I no longer identified me as a
singular being, I was half of a whole. She didnt choose this problem it could have been a car wreck or one of hundreds of different iilliness and She would not have chosen any of them either. I had started going with Her to therapy and actually got a lot out of it myself, I know men who left their wifes because of different
healt related problems not one ofl them was a happier person, they always struggle with the knowledge that
they deserted someone in trouble. I am no Angel but bless my sorry azz I always Loved Her and still do, I only have one more thing to add, if someone does not want to stay, dont make them tell you a lie or make
up a reason, just turn loose, wish them well, and take care of yourself! We are after all our best friend or
should be.
Love to All
Larry ***

Post Edited (lgm1942) : 3/23/2013 6:09:19 PM (GMT-6)

Enjoy your trip,
I am glad you have Family who understand,
Just remember, We are your Family also.

Larry ***