Good Afternoon to ya all,As many of you know I completed chemotherapy on the 25th of February and the first 2 weeks were like any other round of therapy. After that I expected to be ecstatic with joy that the chemo was over.
Even though some people ( who have never had to deal with cancer) would think I'd feel energized and raring to go after finishing something like chemo, the psychological toll of fighting so hard for so long left me feeling let down and rudderless once I no longer have anything tangible to fight. I fought the good fight by facing chemotherapy for so many months, now what?
I felt like I had got sent out into a storm when the cancer was diagnosed and I have been focused on fighting for survival with a multitude of appointments and complications and now suddenly not much, just feeling like I have been beat up.
Getting a firm plan in place is my goal as I have shed tears daily for the last 2 weeks and worried I was breaking in two but now I am back in fight mode and will not let my fears and anxieties re the future hold me down.
The uncertainty of whether or not what I just went through cured my cancer or helped is difficult because only time will tell. That has been hanging over my head during chemo and even more so now that chemo is complete.
I cannot live in the "what if?" lane so I will move ahead now and not make every day about my cancer..............I have signed up to help others with colon cancer as well as be a chemo angel. Chemo angels are assigned to one person who is currently receiving cancer and would benefit from cards and little gifts sent to them. My full identity will not be revealed to them as this is about them, not me or worrying about thanking me. I do this because I care about people and for 30 years I worked as a nurse. I also do this because I want to give back to all the wonderful people who supported me, many from right here in this forum.
To each of you I wish you peace and I hope you always remember to take care of you first and that means not letting anxiety run away with your thoughts.
Gentle hugs,
Kitt