Fear of going crazy

I cannot believe how helpful this thread is! I myself was feeling a bit depressed over the summer. This was happening every summer for the last 3 years. 3 years ago was when i had a panic attack. It was horrible, my body went numb, and i went to the hospital. Ever since then I have been really worried about my health. If i got a cold, I would sit home a few days AFTER i got better to check for any other symptoms. If I got bitten by a bee (infection) i was convinced i was going to die. When I got my first panic attack, I went for a month or two thinking about my breathing, and constantly checking my heart. I only had 1 panic attack in my life, and I think its because i was afraid to go to school and have a panic attack, so i suppressed it.

This summer I was tired a lot, and my eyes were dry. I think thats what initially caused the anxiety and depression.

So since its been happening for the last 3 years I decided to see a psychotherapist this year. I was really nervous but not to the point where i would freak out. When I went to see her, she said i might have depression/anxiety. I then started to google for symptoms. This is probably the worst thing I could have done. I read a page, it was either about anxiety or depression, which said sometimes people are misdiagnosed with them if they have schizophrenia. Oh god, what a week that was! Sleepless nights, waking up every 45 min and I was convinced I had schizophrenia! I would even make myself hear or see things, I was hyper vigilant, if thats the correct word. I would wake up, and listen for sounds which arent supposed to be there. Turns out, the neighbors are talking, or a car is whizzing by, and I got terrified. I was scheduled for another appointment to the psychiatrist a week from the first one, and like I said, it was a terrible week. I would spend every day begging for the next day to come so i can finally get some medication and stop worrying.

Then the appointment came, the doctor saw i was freaking out. She prescribed a small dosage of some antidepressant (forgot the name). Since this lady is a psychotherapist, she is not allowed to prescribe anything. They worked out with my family doctor the medicine I should take and I started taking it. The worst part is that she said I would need to see a psychiatrist (one who can prescribe medicine and knows more about the field than my family doctor). I freaked out again. It seemed like I was going away to a mental hospital until I finally got it through my thick skull that a psychiatrist is not only for crazy people.

I have very supportive parents and I think they helped me a lot. Last 2 nights i was able to get through almost completely without waking up. This is the 3rd day i am taking the anti depressant, but I dont think its what helps me, I think its myself doing the healing. Although sometimes i wake up, convinced I am crazy, i just lay still and not think about anything, or count from 20 until i get to 0 and start again, which helps me fall asleep.

Anxiety is a terrible thing. I still frequently get thoughts of "what if" questions such as "what if i never get better" or "what if I will have to wait for years before i do", "what if its a brain tumor causing me to be tired all the time" but then I think "whats the worst that can happen?" and the thoughts go away.

Finally, I think, and i know, soon I will get better and this anxiety will go away, it has before, and will again. One thing i can recommend is that you don't do your own research. If I do my own research I only make one more disease for myself, or find somewhere where it says it will take years to get better and medication doesnt work, and all those sorts of things.

Now, anxiety, be gone!

ty for your time

Hey Porcupine_

Yeah, unfortunately we can't talk to just anybody about what is going on, but i think you should see a therapist or someone who you CAN. I know it might be really frightening to tell someone you are having these thoughts, but here is a story of something similar that might help you with your anxiety about your thoughts and fears (I'm no doctor, but thats what it sounds like to me). I have a good friend that just told me (about a month ago) that he kept having these visions of hurting people. He got to the point where he was scared to drink a few beers cause he that he might actually do something if he got intoxicated. He said it was happening almost all the time, and for him it just kept getting worse. He finally told his wife about it. He said once he told her it went away -- gone. Now, I dont know why it went away, and he doesnt know why, but for whatever reason it did. Everybody is different, of course, but I think that there are soooooo many people that have thoughts like this. It's not stupid, and i don't know how or why it starts, but it seems like our minds obsess over things we fear or things that are taboo. We ask ourselves " Why am i having these thoughts"? and we search for logical answers. I don't think, in most cases, there are logical answer. It could be the fear of going crazy that is driving it subconsciously. It could be a movie you saw, or a dream you had, and now you are obsessing over those thoughts (not even knowing how it started) and by doing so repeating the cycle and adding to the fear. I'm not really sure where i'm going with this, but you're not alone. A lot of people have thoughts like you do, and sometimes talking about them will break the cycle (it did for my friend). Since everyone is different, you best bet would be to see a good therapist. Again, i think what you are going through has been heard by many psychologists, and you should talk to one. Hope that helps, welcome to the boards.

Keep writing.
dan

I completely agree with lil sis ( kitt) and Dan as well as the others

I am glad you finally posted and hoping you will continue to post in new ( part 2 ) of this thread as well as other threads

get involved in the support of the HW family
YOU are now one of us .......

LYN

Part 2 to this thread is up
Please do post there as this is getting too long in posts .........

Thanks for your co operation.......