Posted 6/27/2013 5:47 AM (GMT 0)
i had another really bad day lately and it's still sticking with me. i'm just having some really negative thoughts lately and needed to vent. i went out of town for vacation with 9 friends last weekend (from saturday-wednesday). on monday i had a really bad episode of panic and anxiety. i tried to lay down and calm myself by breathing and thinking of other things and whatever else i do to try and fix myself sometimes. it just wasn't working, so i took a klonopin and laid back down for about 20 minutes. that didn't help. my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and i felt like i could barely breathe. i decided that the best thing to do was to go to the er, so i drove myself there. i was embarrassed to tell any of my friends where i was going. i sometimes feel like they're getting sick of this whole thing i'm going through and i really wanted this trip to be fun and drama free and i felt like me needing someone to take me to the er was the complete opposite of drama free. well, when i got there and told them i was having chest pains, they took my pulse and it was really high so they wheeled me into a room and strapped me up to an ekg and before i knew it there were 5 doctors in the room and they were putting an iv in my arm. it was all so scary and happened so quickly. like many of you, i have heart attack fear really bad. of course i kept thinking "this is it, i was right, there really is something wrong with my heart and it's not just anxiety. i should have never listened to those doctors before." well....long story short, i got more blood work and urine taken and chest xrays and everything. again...it's just this F*&%ING panic disorder. 2 days later i still feel really shaken up from the whole thing. i have barely been able to eat since then and have stomach cramps, which is making me more anxious. it's the worst vicious cycle. I just can't get my head wrapped around the idea that anxiety can cause this much pain physically and mentally. since it's only been 6 months since my first attack i'm still not 100% used to this whole thing yet. I also skipped a dose of celexa the day before the attack because i wanted to drink. it's the first and only time i've done that since i started 3 months ago. i'm only on 10mg a day. can this really be the cause of a major attack?
ugggghhhhh!! sorry to ramble, but just really needed to get that all out. thanks for reading and posting any advice if you do.