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Posted 7/3/2013 3:15 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone.... I am new to this sight and am so thankful that I found it. I am a 30 year old woman with two children. I have had sever health anxiety for almost 14 years. It is completely strangling me. At times it is not so much in the front of my mind but for the most part I've been suffering inside every single day. It seems that at least one to two symptoms are always present. My main fear is my heart, however some others are just as strong. Always worried about cancer, brain tumer, kidney issues etc. on a daily basis I feel as if I can't breathe at all. I went to the Dr two days ago because it felt like my oxygen was about 20%. When I got there my anxiety was in full force. When my oxygen was checked it was 99% ( and I am a smoker ) I just knew something was wrong with me. For a few days after a drs visit I will feel fine. Then it all just comes rushing back. I've tried medication therapy self help books etc. I'm a so sick of the feeling of constant worry and fear. I've been checked six ways to Sunday and am apparently healthy. But I don't feel healthy. I feel as something horrible is wrong. Why else can I not breathe right? It's is so bad I am constantly checking to see if my lips or nails are turning blue. I don't do anything anymore that I love out of fear of something happening to me. I have to be in control and always know where the closest hospital is. Thank you for ready my story and any thoughts and or advice would be wonderful. I would love to get my life back before I'm to old to enjoy!!
Posted 7/3/2013 3:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Shadawn,well good thing you came to healing well because here we know how you feel&I can relate times 10. It's a hard fight to go through Ive been dealing with the stress of Anxiety,worry&fear for 14 years off&on&Iam 28 years old. For this year has been the worse for me&every since first panic PAD I have loss of control&sometimes my fear of doom gets the best of me&it tends to make my anxiety worse,every human on this earth has felt anxiety&thats what makes us human. But we tend to deal with it much more worse some can bounce back quickly from the fear they felt with anxiety when others can't for it's a hard thing to get through,good thing is we can one step at a times&you got a great push right in your view your two angels. So keep fighting
Posted 7/3/2013 3:38 AM (GMT 0)
It's good to have a strong family background. My father passed away after a heart transplant and having several different types of cancer. I just want my life back. I'm tired of worrying and feeling fearful. It just plain sucks! I have twin 13 year old boys and I want to be enjoying life with them and can't. Tonight my kids and husband went to the lake to go fishing and I really wanted to go but was scared to death to.b E on the boat because what if my breathing got worse or something else major happened and we were In the middle of the lake? My mom doesn't help me much for she has her own health problems brought on by being obese. So glad to find this to get advice and support. Thank you
Posted 7/3/2013 4:56 AM (GMT 0)
Shadawn stay on this forum and keep reading how other people deal with their problems, You have already
made a good friend in dawn, there will be many more, our Monitors will show you how to use the resources
here and somehow some way we all drag each other to the other side of this misery. Peace

Larry ***
Posted 7/3/2013 5:01 AM (GMT 0)
Larry I have read some of your replies and am in awe of your thoughtfulness and advice. I am feeling better knowing that I'm not the only one. Misery does love company haha. Seriously thank you I finally feel as I've found the start to my brand new life!
Posted 7/3/2013 5:11 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the A/P.;)

I am sorry to hear how much this issue has come to affect you. I know how miserable it can be.

By any chance have you touched on CBT in your therapy experiences? In my opinion, this is the most effective treatment that I have seen thus far for health anxiety.

Even if you have tried therapy in the past (even done CBT) I really recommend giving it another chance. I went through two courses myself. You never know when something is going to 'click' and the healing and recovery start to happen. We are constantly changing as individuals, so going back and revisiting the idea of therapy is never a waste!

We have a great Resource Guide here as well (main page, 1st post) We have a lot of self-help ideas there....and I know you mentioned that you have done some before...but again, seeing if there is anything new and applicable to you would be time well spent.. We have some book links specifically on treating health anxiety that you may want to check out.

Not least of all is the support that you will find here. We all understand just what anxiety can rob us of in our lives. We want to see you getting well and 'back in the game'!:) So stick with us and allow our community to be alongside you through the journey.


Talk to you soon.:)

Scaredy Cat
Posted 7/3/2013 1:42 PM (GMT 0)
Scaredy cat I actually bought a book off the links last night. I can't wait to start reading it today. It does have some cbt concepts in it. I've never done. I just heard about it for the first time. It feels so good to be in this with someone. My husband is so supportive of me but has never had an anxiety panic problem so it's hard for him to sympathize with me. I think this is such a great start. I feel positive for the first time in a long long time.
Posted 7/3/2013 2:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hello shadawn

I just want to say sorry to hear what your going through but I'm going through the same exact thing. The feeling of not getting a full breath and thinking it's all my heart and what not. Going to the doctor is fine and is what you should do first but when we are there we feel a sense of comfort because we know they will find the problem. But when it's gone the comfort leaves and the anxiety comes back because now you are on your own to fight it. You will be alright.
Posted 7/3/2013 3:38 PM (GMT 0)
S.D.

I am thinking good thoughts, and sending prayers your way! I am so hopeful that the book will be of help to you!!!

I think that you are in a good place to start to make some progress. Keep positive and envision an experience of making some great healing strides.

We are here with you every step.:)

S.C.

P.S. a word about CBT...it does take time.  It is not a quick fix, but then things worth doing/having usually aren't:)  I actually found that a lot of my progress happened toward the end of my treatment, so hang in there and be patient with yourself and the process.

Posted 7/3/2013 3:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you sc. Your advice is so encouraging. I do get down when I try something and don't get immediate results. I'm also dealing with Terri me allergies right now that just makes everything so much worse. I think that my dr is so tired of seeing me. When I get home today I am starting on my book and am so excited.
Posted 7/3/2013 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
That was suppose to say terrible allergie****
Posted 7/3/2013 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
Shadawn, It's really just this semple, We need You as much or more than You need us! Peace

Larry ***
Posted 7/3/2013 7:41 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much!!!
Posted 7/4/2013 11:52 AM (GMT 0)
You're not alone in this health anxiety crap. It's really hard to deal with this sometimes, in my case I can't get the exams/tests I need to rule out my worries. You should try harder to make yourself believe you have nothing serious or life threatening to worry about since you get normal tests results. Health anxiety can make you feel more miserable whether you're truly sick or not. It can make you think you're the most susceptible person to common diseases and even the rare ones. Now you have to make your subconscious accept that you're healthy just like what you said and that you have health anxiety to deal with. Before when my health anxiety was so severe I had almost a month long of bad days and had the feeling like I was rotting inside. I thought I would not even reach this month of July alive. But I was wrong, I'm still here and having some good days since I learned how to put my worries aside. Thanks to this forum! I'm also starting to accept that I can't feel normal as I did before I ever had health anxiety. Now my days have ups and downs. You should also learn how to feel grateful for times when you're feeling great even if it only lasted for like 20mins or 1hr. Once you've learned not to dwell on your thoughts of being sick, you'll have good days to come. Our worries are so heavy we should put them aside.

My triggers that often raise my health anxiety are mostly visual disturbances, people dying of HA, cancer, stroke, aneurysm (lately James Gandolfini), a sight of an active emergency ambulance. Before I used to worry a lot about my heart like you but not that much anymore since I got 2 normal ecg's and survived some panic attacks.

Hope you'll start to feel better and I'll pray for you.
Posted 7/4/2013 3:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Shadawn

Welcome. I just wanted to say how much everybody here on the forum has helped me so you've come across a great place to be and share your experiences. It sounds like you've been affected by anxiety for a long time. I want to share with you some things that have helped me, a few self realizations and things others taught me:

1) you're actually not crazy even though you feel like it sometimes
2) the source of all your physical symptoms really and truly is your mind
3) thoughts make emotions, emotions don't make thoughts
4) I can choose what I think and that influences my emotions so if I think I'm happy and fine I will feel it
5) when I feel anxious I accept it, its a part of me but guess what everybody feels anxious
6) when my mind runs I find ways to quiet it because its not the content of my thoughts but the racing mind that creates anxiety
7) there's no way to fight anxiety, it is here to stay and I live with it hand in hand. It scares me at times but its also a protective friend and motivator
8) doing something for yourself is a powerful step
9) anxiety comes with depression often so keep busy and engaged in life
10) challenge your anxiety, run into a huge crowd, ride elevators and take subways go to observation decks and prove to yourself there is nothing to hour fear, that its all an illusion caused by anxiety
11) my mind is a theatre, I can play a horror show or I can play something nice and optimistic in my theatre
12) I am in control of my thoughts and feelings, so they can be shut off anytime
13) only I can make change in me, no doctor, pills, book or journal can help me the way I can by accepting anxiety and embracing my life living with it
14) CBT is as effective as medications to treat anxiety and panic, in combination therapy and medication is a winning solution for many people
15) you will feel great again soon
16) this is a long journey, I cannot make anxiety go away overnight or even in 6 months. I have lived with it for at least 25 years and just like it takes time to heal a broken arm or leg its going to take time to heal 25 years of anxiety
17) I love myself no matter what because anxiety comes in waves and cycles, so I am here for myself in the valleys and I'm here enjoying every moment at the peaks
18) the present is a wonderful place to be. The past has no bearing on my today and I cannot tell the future.
19) when I feel bad next I will remember I was at a good place not long before
20) I am a person, a human being, and I am allowed to feel the way I want when i want

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Joshua
Posted 7/4/2013 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
Shadawn,

Well, you did find an important component in the pursuit of feeling better.  I found this site a couple years ago when trying to decided to have surgery for my terrible reflux.  Found a pleasant surprise with the anxiety forum in the process.

I still have panic and anxiety, but to me, anything I find that provides some level of knowing I am at least searching for answers empowers me and makes me feel better.  I hope you find the same. 

I agree with Scaredy Cat, don't give up on things that you have only tried once or twice.  Therapy helped me a bit, and I will take that over no help.  I have taken Klonopin for years and want to wean off of it, so I am trying more natural approaches again.  Just downloaded a mindfulness meditation ap from the HW home page recently.  I am also trying a mindset in making sure I mentally push away anxiety.  The more I pay attention to it, the worse it gets.  This is easier said than done, but I will ride that mental thought process while it lasts.

My anxiety and panic is not all centered around health, it seems to come out of nowhere, but mostly highway driving, public speaking, and like I said, for no apparent reason.  Having said that, I am starting to worry about my health and am now trying to find healthier approaches; eating better, supplements, yoga, backing down on my evening wine habit etc.... Again, just knowing that I am trying to do things that is better for my body will hopefully make me less anxious.  I have never smoked, but I know it must be the hardest thing to stop, and probably in a way, it is what you use to curb your anxiety.

Good luck to you.  This site has truly been a blessing to me!!!  Welcome :-)

Posted 7/4/2013 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
Smoking is a way I curb my anxiety. I used to only smoke 3 or four a day. Now I'm up to a little over half a pack and on bad days a full pack. Went to my dr today he has an urgent care when his regular office is closed. He gave me a script for Zoloft. I'm scared to death to try it. I think I will stick with the hydroxyzine for when its really bad and I can't cope. I am going to write down everything Joshua said because I think those are great tips for when you need in the moment reminders.



I am determined to beat this. I want my life back and do the things that I enjoy. I grew up with a horse between my legs everyday. I haven't been on one in over 2 years. I need to find those things that make me happy again. Just got to get over this hump so I can realize I am ok. Sorry about the rambling
Posted 7/4/2013 6:26 PM (GMT 0)
The decision to try your medication or not it totally up to you. If it is causing you more anxiety than you are already dealing with, then you may have your answer!

Try the coping skills in the Resources consistently for a week and see if you note a difference.

You are right also about finding things that distract you from the anxiety and make you happy. I hope that you can tap into some of those things soon.:)

Keep posting!

S.C.
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