Chemo Mon - Fri starting 7/8/2013

Dear Friends,

The past two weeks have been high anxiety and the depression is breaking me.  I keep coming here as much as possible as it helps me to post to others but next week is he$$ week and I am so anxious I can hardly type. ( My chemo schedule is 1 week on and 1 week off for the next 6 months.

I have talked with my Psychiatrist 3 times over the past couple of weeks and we have tweaked my meds but the fear of 53 1/2 hours of chemo infusing again is terrifying and jelly legs seem to be a constant part of my life these days.

I will show up at the clinic on Monday and I will try to be the bravest person I know at that moment.  Please send prays and good vibes.

“Today we fight. Tomorrow we fight. The day after, we fight. And if this disease plans on whipping us, it better bring a lunch, 'cause it's gonna have a long day doing it.”  

Love,

Kitt

 

Hi stkitt,

I was one of those people who looked at your post and didnt respond. I'm sorry. I honestly felt like "im over here complaining about having anxiety and panic attacks, and stkitt has an actual medical condition". I honestly didnt know what to say. I have and will pray for you as you begin to start your treatment. Try to stay as calm as possible. What type of cancer are you treating?

OH KITT!!! I'm am so sorry! I had no clue, I haven't been on in a while. I am sending truck loads of prayers up for you my friend! You are one of the strongest women that I know, and you have helped me through so many hard times.

Me, you, and SC were always so goofy together, and tried to make light of our "craziness". I'm sorry that I was not here for you during, which I'm sure, was one of the hardest things to go through. I will be praying for you EVERY DAY!

You are a great person, and I'm sure your anxiety and depression are shooting through the roof right now, but please know this Kitt, I am with you in your heart, and I'm here for you if you EVER need to talk.

I love ya chickie! You got this!

MANY, MANY, Gentle hugs coming your way!
Fox

Hey Kitt,

I hope everything goes well with your Chemo. I know the next six months will be tough, but I know you a little, and I know that you're a fighter and you will surely get through this.

I've been following you on CaringBridge. You're an inspiration to us all and you've always been here for us.

Please don't be sad. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Keep us posted when you can. Please know that we will be thinking of you. Remember to stay positive as always.

Take Care *Hugs*

UA

It is hard to know exactly the right thing to say except we are here for you and we love and want you healed.

Sweet Kitt,

I haven't been online today, and am so sorry that I haven't been here to respond to you.

You are such a brave, helpful, loving person and you do give so freely of not only your kindness, but also of your true wisdom and intelligence to everyone on this forum. You've helped me so many times in my short time on this forum. And not only do you post such caring responses, you dedicate the time necessary to serve as a moderator. Truth be told, I think you're a hero to everyone here.

The first time I saw you mention having cancer, it broke my heart. I honestly did cry. I told my husband all about you and this evil disease trying to attack you. That night, we sat in our bedroom, hand in hand and prayed for you - and I wept for you again. We've prayed for you fervently since that night.

Cancer is a horrible disease. I honestly hate it - and I don't use the "h" word. The fact that it would attack a person as special as you is a demonstration of its evil.

I am so sorry that you have to face such intense chemotherapy again. I wish I knew what to say to make that better. I honestly don't - all I can tell you is that there is so much love with you while you face this. We're praying for God to not only give you healing, but to wrap you in the arms of His strength and surround you with peace.

I'm confident that you're going to win not only this battle, but this war.

I'm also confident that you'll find a way to make it through your treatments better than you anticipate. I cannot relate to your situation directly. Anxiety, at its root, though is very similar in varying situations - inflating things, causing additional symptoms, making any burden heavier than it has to be. You know just how to handle that part of it - you're here to help us through it every day. It's harder to apply it to ourselves, though, even when we know what to do. I wish I could be there to hold your hand through this, but please know that in spirit I am.

I like your attitude that you're going to be the bravest person you know. No doubt you ARE the bravest person you know, and one of the bravest people most of us here know.

Perhaps that's why we fail in responding well - you're so awesome, fighting so hard against so much, that we feel a little inadequate to help you. The truth is, though, that all of us here are looking for someone who cares - and friend, we CARE, we care so much - even if we don't know what to say. Please believe that.

Are you able to do anything during the infusions to help distract yourself? I'm not familiar with the physical reality of the infusions themselves. Can you read books, listen to an MP3 player, or anything along those lines?

If so, maybe you can focus on preparing for the things that will help ease your mind during the infusions. For example, preparing your "battle tunes" play list. Maybe the people here can help suggest songs to include. :-D

We may also be able to suggest books that are good, light-hearted engaging reading. Do you have a kindle or a nook? I think there's a way to send someone your kindle books? I've never tried it before, but would be happy to give it a shot! :)

You're going to make it through this, friend. And even if we don't articulate it well, you're going through it with so many people out here who care SO much! There are several people here praying for you who don't even get online, because I've told them about what a great person you are and how unfair it is what you're going through. So, you're receiving prayer from people you've never even spoken to. ;)

Hugs, prayers and SO MUCH LOVE to you, sweet friend!

I'm so sorry you are facing this again kitt - please try to be brave - you are so strong!! I can't imagine going through what you are going through. i'm sending you lots of hugs and prayers!!!!!!! keep us posted on your anxiety and how you are doing. :)

you have every reason to be scared! you are facing one of my biggest fears. I hope you have a huge support system around you.

hugs!!!!!!

Dear Anxiety Family,

Thank  you for letting me ask for what I needed and for your kind and generous support was exactly what the Dr. ordered.

Yes, I have cancer, colon cancer, dx on 8/10/2012. I have had surgery, one  6 month session of chemo and many tests.  In April I found out that the cancer did not respond well to the 1st session of chemo so out for more testing, talking to surgeons etc. and the only thing the Drs could offer me was more chemo just a different flavor.  My cancer has spread beyond the original site but no major organs involved at this time and I pray to keep it that way.

I started the new chemo on June 11th and it is tough but the anxiety and depression are harder than the chemo at times.

I "fight like a girl" and finally feel like I am in a better place right now. Blue is my cancer color and I wear it proudly to let people know I support colon cancer in any way I can.

I will not make this forum about cancer but keep it about anxiety and panic so please know I appreciate your love and caring and if you want to follow my Caring Bridge I will post the link in today's signature.

My hubby is taking me out to a movie today.  I have not been out of the house in over a week. I must do better than this and I will.

Love,

Kitt

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/marytobias

 

Post Edited (stkitt) : 7/7/2013 10:34:20 AM (GMT-6)

God bless you& strength&extra courage for you I pray&you will beat Cancer.

psssh.... don't listen to 'em, Kitt! Get you some movie sugar like a teenage girl! lol

Glad you're getting out of the house, props to hubby for helping you do that. :)

Very best thoughts coming to you for what you are facing. Will be thinking of you for sure.

I hope that you can hold on to that smile for a long time!:)

Will you let us know how your discussion goes tomorrow?

Praying for your appointment to have productive and positive outcomes.

Talk to you soon,

S.C.

Kitt, I'm so happy to "hear" (read) the lift in your mood. I'm sorry I was not on yesterday to wish you luck with your movie night, but I'm glad to hear you had a good time.

It's always nice when the hubby does something that they haven't done in years, just to reassure you that they actually DO care. And I'm glad it made you feel all the more "protected". It's just a really nice feeling.

I'm still praying for you, my dear friend, as I told you I would. I hope God wraps his loving and healing arms around you, and you feel comforted by feeling His presence.

Good luck with your discussion, and please, like SC and BeRock have posted, keep us updated.

Thinking of you, and wishing nothing but happiness and a sense of well being for you!

HUGE (((((((HUGS))))))) for you Kitt!
Fox