Dear Friends,I am back, at least I am sitting up. I broke completely this round and my oncologist came in yesterday while I was at the clinic; he was very kind as I told him, "no more please" I was so sick this week that today is the first day I am not in bed other than clinic visits.
My oncologist said he felt I was very despondent and full of despair.............so we agreed I will take a 3 week break while he researches other treatments. He also said I have been really trying hard but my body is very sensitive to the meds. I broke out all over in "my nasty" rash which itches like crazy while the chemo runs. And for the first time I can remember my stomach was so upset that the anti-emetics did not help so I was physically ill.
I know this is a huge anxiety for you SC and it is now one for me too. 
To each of you, your beautiful words of prayers, friendship and support mean the world to me. I do not feel I ask for a lot other than to feel happiness and be able to be up and around in my own home during chemo but the underlying depression and anxiety along with this nasty cancer has brought me to my knees and to the point that I do not know what I should do next.
I honestly know that there are hundreds of thousands of patients that are going through much tougher times than I am and I pray daily for them as I wish I could be just a fraction as strong as they are. The newer cancer drugs have more serious toxicities, and are up to 52 percent more likely to cause severe to potentially life-threatening side effects, which range from nerve damage to heart problems. Additionally, researchers found, patients are 40 percent more likely to die from side effects than those using the older, standard drugs.
And I wonder if perhaps I should be on just one drug, as the chemo cocktail is stealing my time.........I think or maybe not ? My old "What if?" thinking has exploded since I was dx just 11 months ago.
I still have a clinic visit this afternoon for my Neulasta shot - a prescription medication used to reduce the risk of infection (initially marked by fever) in patients with some tumors receiving strong chemotherapy that decreases the number of infection-fighting white blood cells. Without this medication my neutrophils fall below normal range from the chemo. If that happens I have to stay home-bound and I cannot receive chemo until my counts are back with in normal range.
Am I anxious, right now I am feeling relief that all I have to do today is get an injection and than I can be here online with all of you.
I saw this quote last week-end and I tried to remember it all week however by today I came to dislike this quote..............as only God knows the final answer.
“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.” ~ Lance Armstrong.
Is pain truly only temporary ? 
Love to all of you.
Kitt