Posted 7/10/2013 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
I have became a mess&like other post I start to wonder am I to far gone&Iam lost,I jump at everything. I don't try to but I do&I sometime thinks my mother think it's ok to sneak up on me without saying something&then she wants to say you so jumpy,I don't know how I got like this are where it started. I look to make a doctor visit friday because I know my body well enough to know,that something is way wrong with my throat. Feel like someone is chokeing me&I know my thyroid meds is not working,I don't know why are what to do Iam so scared I just maybe at the end Iam not speaking this. Because Lord knows more then anything I want my life but much better then this,I wouldn't wish this hurt on my worse enemy thats just how bad it's Iam mean without cause. I so don't be trying&I can go off&the smallest thing so much anger in me from everything,Iam scared of myself I just wonder why so much hell? The God my grandmother talked of&was a true holy woman this Godshe said is a good God&would never put more on one they can stand. I know the God she talked about made her happy&she lived a ok life. I know this life couldn't have been,made&then to stay here& go through without any good,please tell me thats not the type of God I pray to.
I need a breakthrough,not the next day are the one after for I don't like who I have became. And I just want to be set free to live a good life I hate anxiety/panic/fear it's a evil mind game,that sneaks its way into our head we are at a game table playing to win. Who are we playing against ourself because just like Mooji says it's our mind,it's our choice we control our mind don't let it control us&right now my mind has been controling me off&on for years. And I just want control back I want to be the controler of my mind¬ the other way around,I get so angry&mad when I take a look at what fear&anxiety&panic have stole from me&it's not right I want those years back. And some way some how I will gwt them back&thats real talk it's what I fight for my good&I refuse to not see it please pray my strength& healing for my thyroid med that I find the right one. I know deep down inside that once control is gain over my thyroid,then everything else will fall into play Iam one to encourage the next like my sister who trys to give up., I must worry about me a lil more&ppl a lil less&it's not me being selfish. But just real knowing that taking care of others start with self love&taking care of self more. To make sure that Iam as healthy as I can be,mind,body,soul strong better mental health for myself...