Posted 7/30/2013 4:41 AM (GMT 0)
First - try to take a deep breath.
You are not alone. You're not. Even though the people there may not understand, we do. I would come pick ya up right now if I could. The best I can do is send a virtual (((((((((hug)))))))))))), but it is deeply meant.
Okay, what I'm going to need you to do is find some glitter, a banana and a wet suit. No, I know that sounds wild, but really, I have a point. I'm giving a very poor attempt at being humorous - something at which I have NO skill.
Anyway, moving on...
You can't fix all of these things at once and that's okay. Any improvement is an improvement, yes? Pick one. You can worry about the rest later.
As far as your symptoms, those truly do sound like intense anxiety symptoms to me. I'm not there, so I don't know. If you feel you need immediate medical attention, then of course, seek it. (See, that's my OCD thing, I can't REALLY calm people down. I worry too much about it. Proof you're among those who understand. lol)
Okay, whether you go to the ER or not, you're gonna have to see your regular doctor at some point.
When you get there, please do tell them about your anxiety. That might actually help them to treat you more effectively and take you more seriously. Perhaps in the past they've thought you were attention seeking or something? If they understand that you have anxiety, they should treat you more carefully. SO, seeking help for your anxiety should actually help you get physical illnesses treated more properly, as well.
You're not alone in feeling like you're not being heard at the doctor's office. I'm going to share a story to prove it - Several years ago, I was having intense faint spells. I went to the doctor and after a "thorough" check up, she somewhat bitterly said, "You're as healthy as a horse!" (Being from a farm, I know horses get sick, never understood that phrase. Anyway...) A while after that, I completely fainted at the gym. No big deal other than some bruises and seriously injury to my pride. I finally found a doctor who listened to me and discovered I had a vitamin deficiency. No big deal - took some prescription vitamins, changed my diet, lessened my workout. My point is - sometimes, doctors seem not to listen to us, and sometimes they really don't. But it isn't just you - it's not your fault.
If you continue to have issues with feeling you're not getting thorough treatment, you may need to commute to another doctor somehow. But, try talking to them about your anxiety. I honestly think it might help.
As far as your family issues - try not to build up too much of a wall against them. I agree that they should be more understanding, but holding a grudge only hurts you in the end. I might not confide in them, but I'd think long and hard before cutting them completely off. Some people really just don't understand.
Lastly, as far as work goes - there are a lot of people who have trouble finding work right now. Try not to let it affect your self-worth. If your anxiety and depression really and truly prevent you from being able to work, there are government resources available in you're in the US. But, you'll have to show that you've exhausted every possible course of treatment - therapy, medication, etc.
Lastly, try not to beat yourself up about letting things get to this point! We all make mistakes and we all measure short in some areas. It's possible that you needed some help and just didn't have the help you needed. Every day is a new day. Try to avoid absolutes like "never" and "forever" - they give more weight to problems than they deserve.
I think my personal "theme song" would be good for you right now. Search youtube or something for "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield if you feel up to it. I think you might find it uplifting.
Hugs to you! Things are going to get better!