Holding off panic

I have been holding off a panic attack for 3 days, and I'm feeling I will lose this battle any moment now.

Sunday, the man sitting in the pew in front of me turned around and started talking to me before services started. Selective Mutism + adult interaction = not fun situation. He seemed very nice, with a cute little family, but I was clutching my hymnal so hard I think I may have left finger prints in it. He asked me what I did for a job and when I told him he said "Yeah, I can see you would be good at that. You're very calm and easy to talk to." That was the end of the conversation because the meeting started. I wanted to be elated that I had successfully remained outwardly calm and produced intelligible responses in the presence of a human over the age of 12, but reality was telling me that I really hadn't done that and he was just mocking me. I wasn't offended or anything, just angry that I am so terrible at doing something that should be so easy. So, that was the initial tiny little trigger. So many tiny little triggers have been building up since then though, and I just seem to be collecting them and not dealing with any of them. I have to give a 'Behavior Modification' presentation to lots of adults tomorrow - and I was informed about it today (huge trigger - not tiny little one). Adding that to my already mounting collection is not looking like a positive experience for this night. I keep telling myself that I am an adult and I can do hard things. Nevertheless, sleeping most likely is not on the agenda for the next 24 hours.

I should know better - I've done this enough times to know that holding off panic does not make it go away, just makes it bigger and harder when I eventually have no other option than to deal with it. Why don't I learn?

Hi la5ni,

I am really proud of you for talking/socializing in the situation at church...and I agree with BR that the man was being sincere. A lot of times our anxiety tells us things that don't represent reality, and give us a distored view of our experiences...don't let is take this victory from you...you did great!

As far as tomorrow goes, I am sorry that your presentation was sprung on you last minute...however, maybe due to the anticipatory nature of anxeity, perhaps this could be seen as a positive?

You can only do your best, so don't let the pressure derail you. Write out your notes, and read them if need be. Not everyone is set up for public speaking...and I have seen plenty of people read, rather than present...and that is okay!

Breath deep, allow yourself to pause if need be, and believe that you can get through your task...and reward yourself afterward with a treat. :)

I know that you can do it!

Let us know how it goes if you'd like.

Encouraging wishes sent your way,

S.C.

I Pray that the Spirit of the Living Breathing God will Dwell in your Heart and drive all fear away Forever! Peace

Larry ***

That is an imposition...and I would not be too thrilled either!

My husband pulled a sneaky invite on me this weekend as well.

We were in the yard doing maintenance, when I found out that he had invited a couple (friends) over for dinner...and that they were on their way!!

Needless to say, I hustled and got myself and the house quickly in order, while he went to the store for dinner items.

I was put out at first that he didn't talk to me about it first...but that is just how he rolls...

We ended up having a great time, so all's well that ends well!

I hope that you could find some fun and enjoyment in your evening too!

Good job on being helpful and gracious about the situation.

S.C.

You are a good person or you would not feel this way, you did your best, don't beat yourself up, heck if we were perfect we would be somewhere else. Peace

Larry ***

Sorry, I sounded like I was complaining. I just want to pretend like I'm normal and forget about having to decompress and consciously make myself be calm all the time. I know what to do. I have an arsenal of coping tools. Maybe I need to just take a day and allow crying to occur.

There are things that I logically know - like that there is nothing wrong with crying and that it is a natural way for the body to release. I teach that to the kids constantly! But convincing myself that it's acceptable for me to do it is not easy. The intrusive thought that is constantly trying to take root is "I'm not strong enough and I'm going to lose everything I have worked so hard to acheive." I fight it, but somehow crying feels like I am accepting that it's true.

Thanks Larry. I quoted you to the boss this morning - not specifically regarding myself. Me are in the process of revamping our mission statement and me just hired 7 new people. "Pouring your soul out on the greatest of God's creations" is now written on our planning board.