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Difficulty in Therapy

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Posted 8/8/2013 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
Ive been going to therapy for a few months now, but I seem to struggle with talking about things from the past. Even though I know it will help my anxiety, it seems impossible. If anyone has any advice on things they've tried or how they got over this, I would greatly appreciate it.
Posted 8/8/2013 2:26 AM (GMT 0)
Marie you are in therapy for your sake, don't let therapist with a
bad personality put you off, if you have to change therapists get someone you feel comfortable with, it's kinda like cleaning the attic in a haunted house, scary at first, but cleaned up and painted, it can be made liveable! much Peace to you!

Larry ***
Posted 8/8/2013 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Marie and welcome!

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties in progress. It is frustrating to not be able to get all that you want and need out of the help that you are seeking.

Larry brings up and interesting question...and that is...are you comfortable with your current therapist?

Perhaps if you can't definitively answer 'Yes' to this question, then maybe you might want to consider a change?

If however, you do feel comfortable, and are just struggling with this from a personal level...then I would ask myself a few questions such as:

Am I afraid to open up for...

Fear of being judged?

Fear of the past (trauma?) itself?

Fear of the emotional dam that could burst?

Fear that opening up old wounds could be your un-doing?

Hopefully your therapist is not pressuring you. Pushing gently, in a pro-active way is one thing, and can help progress...but not forcing you to go in your treatment where you are not ready to go.

I would recommend evaluating your feelings regarding this fear, and being completely honest with your therapist. Lay it all out, and she how he/she can come up with a plan to help you navigate these uncertain waters.

Keep posting with us if you find it helpful. Support and understanding are found here anytime!

Scaredy Cat

Posted 8/19/2013 6:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the reply and sorry for taking so long to get back. I have tried different therapists and it does help a little bit, but I think its mostly about feeling judged or embarrassed.
Posted 8/19/2013 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I know that these feelings and fears are hard to get past...but if it is any comfort...therapist have heard similar issues to your own, and most assuredly of a greater magnitude.

Even if you were to get a very young/new therapist...he/she would have spent much time studying cases and reading about things that are pretty unimaginable.

I once heard a doctor say that nothing a patient could tell them 'would be shocking at this point.'

I wish you much luck in your progress...keep posting.:)

S.C.
Posted 8/20/2013 8:07 AM (GMT 0)
If it's the fear of being judged or embarrassed, I hope I can help with part of that.

My therapist and I usually end up chit-chatting about her after my sessions. It helps me calm back down and she's actually said she enjoys the opportunity for her own release. Here are some things that she has told me that might bring you some comfort:

She says that most counselors go into that line of work because they have their own issues and want to help others. So, for all we know, your counselor has gone through similar issues.

She has said that it isn't the event that happened that she's interested in, although sometimes she is sorry to know what happened to someone. It's the person's feelings about those events and how to help them change their feelings to more healthy ones that she's interested in.

Many of her patients have been people who actually perpetrated an action that society would say is "bad." She doesn't think they're bad for them. She is interested in helping them understand why they did those things in the first place.

She has said that it's amazing how many of the events from people's pasts are way more common than they think possible. (She's been practicing for around 40 years.)

Like S.C. said, even a very young therapist has probably been exposed to similar scenarios through either experience or case studies. My counselor has let me dig through her personal bookshelves a couple of times. She has volumes and volumes and volumes of textbooks with case studies in them.

This is the last thing from my counselor, and it's what I think is important. She has said that her focus isn't on what they've experienced or done. Her focus is on being a "link in their chain to recovery."

That's what your counselor is there for, after all. That's their goal - to help you, all of you, no matter what you've been through.

Hugs to you!
Posted 8/21/2013 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Marie,

I know that people go to a therapist or counsellor etc, for different reasons. Sometimes the past can be difficult to talk about, sometimes it might be the cause of pain, it could be related to simple memory difficulties (the past can seem like a long time ago), it might be that some of us are natural conversationalists, and others find it more difficult to talk fluently.

I personally, if I want to talk about certain situations (not necessarily positive or negative in nature), I find it difficult. Sometimes I find it difficult to remain in eye contact when I'm talking in a face to face situation. I am quite shy sometimes and self conscious. (especially when talking in a personal way, about myself)

What I have tried before, is it bring something with me, because sometimes if I think about something to talk about, it is lost to begin with. (or I think it might get lost and not talked about.)

One time, I bought in ' a book' which I used as a tool, to show what I'm thinking about/how I'm feeling.

I wrote a note on my 'to do list' on my phone (I was a bit worried someone might find it, must delete it later) but this helped me before hand to get an idea of what I wanted to talk about, in my mind, so even though we may or may not talk about other things, some of the things I want to talk about are there waiting to come to the surface.

I hope that you will do, whatever is right for you, I hope you are well.

Post Edited (HappyBean) : 8/20/2013 6:38:03 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/6/2013 7:13 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone. Thanks for the replies. I have since been able to talk about some of my issues, but still struggle sometimes. I guess its just something I will need to keep working on. The advice helped a lot. I can definitely relate to being a bit shy whatever the subject matter. I tried writing stuff down and that has worked. I think next time, Ill try sharing these fears with my therapist and see how that goes. Thanks again... Hope everyone is doing well:)
Posted 9/6/2013 1:35 PM (GMT 0)
I think a lot of it depends on the therapist. I've had my share of dreadful ones. Point blank, dreadful. They were judgmental, regardless of why I was there, they focused on my lifestyle and bluntly, tried to change me and tell me I was wrong. A good therapist does not do this. I've seen LSW, psychologists, and even psychiatrists. You have to weed through them to find the right one, so don't be afraid of that.

It goes both ways. You're paying them to help you with your issues in a safe environment. If you don't feel you can get that from them, it's time for a change. There are excellent therapists out there, but like any other professional, we need to sometimes go through a few of them to find the good ones.


Merrida
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